Lisa picked up the next interdepartmental envelope, flipped it over, and noticed it was from Boyd. It was marked "Confidential." Oh, not another one, she thought. Sure enough, the memo inside was another volley in the ongoing war between Boyd and Wallace. Three pages of single-spaced venom.
She knew she had to read it, but reading it seemed like such a waste of time. Mercifully, the phone rang.
She picked up without looking at the caller ID. "Morning. Lisa."
It was Wallace. "Have you seen it? This is too much. I can't believe…"
Lisa interrupted him. "I know. Don't reply. No emails, no memos. Go for a walk. I'm setting up a meeting with the two of you. I want us to get past this."
Lisa is in the midst of a battle between two of her reports, Boyd and Wallace. It's been going on for some time, but Lisa has just done two things right — she announced her intentions to make a peace, and she intervened to stop Wallace from returning fire.
What she does next can make the difference between moving on to get business done, and losing one, two, or even more employees. Here are some tips for peacekeepers.Don't let the war go on.
It will only escalate
until you have to act.
- Act now
- Don't let the war go on. It will only escalate until you have to act. Decide what to do to unwind the conflict, and do it. Hint: reassignment of one of them probably won't fix the problem.
- Declare an armistice
- If a memo war or an email war is in progress, end it immediately. Put a time-limited embargo on new emails, memos, snide remarks, and private complaints to you. This prevents the situation from getting even more complex.
- Assess your own role
- When two people are engaged in personal conflict, you might think you aren't involved, and maybe you aren't. But if you're at all close to the conflict, you're probably involved implicitly. Are they contending for your favor? Have you set them up?
- Consider a facilitator
- Consider enlisting an outside party skilled in addressing personal conflicts, especially if you think you might be playing a role. Give preference to candidates who are unknown to you and to the parties involved in the conflict. An external consultant is ideal. Don't try to do it yourself. Even your dentist goes to another dentist.
- Make the first meeting exploratory
- Don't expect to find a "solution" without first learning what's happening. You and the two participants in the struggle will certainly have different perspectives. Explore them.
When two people are in conflict, they're often proxies for others. The conflict could be a manifestation of a conflict between organizational elements, or between two or more groups, or even a conflict within someone else. Since the proxies might not be the cause, look for resolution without blame. Top Next Issue
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
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More articles on Conflict Management:
- Is It Blame or Is It Accountability?
- When we seek those accountable for a particular failure, we risk blaming them instead, because many
of us confuse accountability with blame. What's the difference between them? How can we keep blame at bay?
- Changing the Subject: I
- Whether in small group discussions, large meetings, or chats between friends, changing the subject of
the conversation can be constructive, mischievous, frustrating, creative, tension relieving, necessary,
devious, or outright malicious. What techniques do we use to change the subject, and how can we cope
- Responding to Threats: II
- When an exchange between individuals, or between an individual and a group, goes wrong, threats often
are either the cause or part of the results. If we know how to deal with threats — and how to
avoid and prevent them — we can help keep communications creative and constructive.
- Indicators of Lock-In: I
- In group decision-making, lock-in occurs when the group persists in adhering to its chosen course even
though superior alternatives exist. Lock-in can be disastrous for problem-solving organizations. What
are some common indicators of lock-in?
- Compulsive Talkers at Work: Addiction
- Incessant, unending talking about things that the listener doesn't care about, already knows about,
or can do nothing about is an irritating behavior that harms both talker and listener. What can we do
See also Conflict Management for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
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- Hard problems need not be big problems. Even when they're small, they can halt progress on any project. Here's Part I of an approach to working on hard problems by breaking them down into smaller steps. Available here and by RSS on June 28.
- And on July 5: Tackling Hard Problems: II
- In this Part II of our look at solving hard problems, we continue developing properties of the solution, and look at how we get from the beginning to the end. Available here and by RSS on July 5.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrennHwQlgLWPgNKWXzPner@ChaczYGqgjGbqkTrSzNqoCanyon.com or (617) 491-6289, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:
- Creating High Performance Virtual Teams
- Many people experience virtual teams as awkward, slow, and sometimes
frustrating. Even when most team members hail from the same nation or culture, and even when they all
speak the same language, geographic dispersion or the presence of employees from multiple enterprises
is often enough to exclude all possibility of high performance. The problem is that we lead, manage,
and support virtual teams in ways that are too much like the way we lead, manage, and support co-located
teams. In this program, Rick Brenner shows you how to change your approach to leading, managing, and
supporting virtual teams to achieve high performance using Simons' Four Spans model of high performance.
Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date
for this program:
- Baci Grill, 134 Berlin
Road, Berlin, CT 06416: September 19,
Monthly Meeting, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- Baci Grill, 134 Berlin Road, Berlin, CT 06416: September 19, Monthly Meeting, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- The Race to the South Pole: Ten Lessons for Project Managers
- On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald
Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen
had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished.
As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough, but to organizational leaders, business
analysts, project sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. Lessons abound. Read
more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:
- CTCPA, 716 Brook Street,
Rocky Hill, CT 06067: September 20,
Full-day Workshop, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- CTCPA, 716 Brook Street, Rocky Hill, CT 06067: September 20, Full-day Workshop, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.