| April 30, 2003 | Volume 3, Issue 18 |
| Recommend this issue to a friend Join the Friends of Point Lookout HTML to link to this article… |
Archive: By Topic
By Date
Links to Related Articles Sign Up for A Tip A Day! |
| Create a perpetual bookmark to the current issue
| |
by Rick Brenner
When we receive messages of disapproval, we sometimes feel bad. And when we do, it can help to remember that we have the freedom to decide whether or not to accept the messages we receive.
eturning from another meaningless meeting with the site team, Rebecca stepped out of the elevator and walked to her office on autopilot — until she passed her boss's office. His door was closed again. So she poked her head into Jean's doorway. "What's happening now?"
Jean looked up, surprised. "Wolcott, and their site manager. I thought you were in there."
Rebecca blanched. Another in a long string of snubs. She stepped in, closed Jean's door and slumped in the chair.
A message is only a message.
It's not necessarily
an accurate message."I'm sorry," said Jean. "it just slipped out."
"No, it's not you. I'd rather know. What am I doing wrong? I ran this project for the past year, really well, I thought. New boss, and Pow. I'm worthless. I feel sick."
"We're all unhappy with Neal," said Jean, trying to console her friend.
"No, this is different. He schedules meetings I can't make, he closes the door in my face, he wants me to get his signature whenever I want to inhale. I'm a wreck."
Rebecca is going through a rough patch. Neal, her boss, is telling her indirectly — and frequently — that her contributions aren't helpful.
But a message is only a message. It's not necessarily an accurate message. Here's a simple example.
I can make the Sun do a loop-de-loop. At noon tomorrow, look outside and watch the Sun for a clear demonstration of my awesome powers.
Do you believe that message? Certainly not. It's a message, but it's false. Here's another example:
Rebecca, you're incompetent. The only way to save the company from you is to have you ask for my signature every time you want to inhale.
That's just another message. Rebecca can decide whether it's accurate. Given that she's been doing her job well for years, the message is probably false. No matter how often it's repeated, it remains a false message.
What can you do if your boss continually sends false messages that you're incompetent?
If your boss uses these tactics, you'll probably have to find a new job — or a new boss. Whatever you do, you're in for an adventure. Choose a path that you can look back on someday and feel proud of.
Top
Next Issue
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
See also Personal, Team and Organizational Effectiveness for more related articles.
Available in early 2009: 2007-2008.
Projects never go quite as planned. We expect that, but we don't expect disaster. How can we get better at spotting disaster when there's still time to prevent it? How to Spot a Troubled Project Before the Trouble Starts is filled with tips for executives, senior managers, managers of project managers, and sponsors of projects in project-oriented organizations. Check it out!
add value to your Web sites quickly and easily. Pick up the HTML to link to this article in a choice of formats.
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague targets of a bully? Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict. Check it out!
Are your projects always late and over budget? Are your project teams plagued by turnover, burnout, and high defect rates? Turn your culture around. Read 52 Tips for Leaders of Project-Oriented Organizations, filled with tips & techniques for organizational leaders. Check it out!
A Tip a Day arrives by email each business day. It's 20 to 30 words at most, and gives you a new perspective on the hassles and rewards of work life. Most tips also contain links to related articles. Free!
Save a bundle and even more important save time! Order the Combo Package and download all 21 ebooks and tips books at once, for one low price of USD 161.95 vs. USD 332.15, a savings of over 51% compared to ordering them separately.