Point Lookout: a free weekly publication of Chaco Canyon Consulting
Volume 4, Issue 11;   March 17, 2004: When You're the Target of a Bully

When You're the Target of a Bully

by

Workplace bullies are probably the organization's most expensive employees. They reduce the effectiveness not only of their targets, but also of bystanders and of the organization as a whole. What can you do if you become a target?

Thomas was now officially rattled. He thought, 'He knows I hate the name "Tommy".' So he blanked PowerPoint, walked around to Warren's side of the conference table, and said, "Look. For the nth time, my name is Thomas. Not Tommy."

Warren looked up at Thomas from a frightened-looking slouch. "Sure…Thomas? I'm so sorry," he whined with fake sincerity. "I'm sorry if I got you so upset. I'll try to remember. Thomas. Got it."

A target with darts in it

A target with a dart in it. The term target, as applied in the context of bullying, is more apt than might first appear. Many bullies know how to choose targets who are particularly vulnerable to the tactics at which the bully is most adept. Uncanny accuracy is typical.

Warren is clever, and Thomas has just blundered into a trap. Warren had been sniping at Thomas all through the presentation. It wasn't just Warren's use of "Tommy" — there was much more to it. But to some of the others in the room, Thomas now appears to be the bully, and Warren the victim — instead of the reverse.

This tactic, which I call "reversing the victim," is just one of the many available to workplace bullies. By subtly attacking their targets, often in public but out of the awareness of others, bullies can maneuver their targets into "losing it," and then the target seems to others to be the attacker, while the attacker appears to be the victim.

Even if the target retains self-control, and seeks support, witnesses, or advice, the lack of evidence to support charges of abuse can make the target seem "overly sensitive" or "paranoid."

Workplace bullies use aggression to reduce their targets' effectiveness as employees. Often, the motive is political — increased status, political power, or resources — but some bullies attack from compulsion, or for other less rational motives.

What can you do if you become the target of a bully?

Accept that you must defend yourself
Most targets "Reversing the victim"
is just one of many
tactics available to
workplace bullies
are either naïve about attack tactics, or unwilling to mount a counteroffensive. Until you commit to an effective offense, you'll remain a target.
Distinguish the mob from its leader
Bullies recruit allies easily, especially from among those who are relieved that they aren't targets themselves. Be clear in your own mind who the bully really is.
Keep a journal
Record every incident, with as much detail as possible, including time, location, witnesses, and what was said or done. Photos and recordings are helpful.
Don't retaliate in kind; don't run away
Your attacker knows this battlefield better than you do, and has the initiative as well. You'd probably lose in a frontal counterattack. Running away probably won't help either — bullies are everywhere.
File formal complaints
When you've accumulated overwhelming evidence of abuse, exploit your organization's grievance procedures. Escalate to the max. This will make clear to your attacker that continued attacks will be costly. Legal counsel can also be helpful — you might be able to use the law in your counterattack.

Accept that wishing or waiting won't help. Once you're targeted, the safe life you thought you had is over. Go to top Top  Next issue: Intimidation Tactics: Touching  Next Issue

101 Tips for Targets of Workplace BulliesAre you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99. Order Now!

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Related articles

More articles on Workplace Bullying:

The silhouette of a famous fictional detectiveSome Truths About Lies: II
Knowing when someone else is lying doesn't make you a more ethical person, but it sure can be an advantage if you want to stay out of trouble. Here's Part II of a catalog of techniques misleaders use.
A multi-function phoneDeniable Intimidation
Some people achieve or maintain power by intimidating others in deniable ways. Too often, when intimidators succeed, their success rests in part on our unwillingness to resist, or on our lack of skill. By understanding their tactics, and by preparing responses, we can deter intimidators.
A mixed stand of aspen and pine in the Okanagan region of British Columbia and Washington stateHow Workplace Bullies Use OODA: I
Workplace bullies who succeed in carrying on their activities over a long period of time rely on more than mere intimidation to escape prosecution. They proactively shape their environments to make them safe for bullying. The OODA model gives us insights into how they accomplish this.
Palm trees blowing in a hurricaneDealing with Rapid-Fire Attacks
When a questioner repeatedly attacks someone within seconds of their starting to reply, complaining to management about a pattern of abuse can work — if management understands abuse, and if management wants deal with it. What if management is no help?
The Headquarters of the Public Employees Retirement Association of New MexicoSo You Want the Bullying to End: I
If you're the target of a workplace bully, you probably want the bullying to end. If you've ever been the target of a workplace bully, you probably remember wanting it to end. But how it ends can be more important than whether or when it ends.

See also Workplace Bullying and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Mistletoe growing in abundance in the Wye Valley, WalesComing April 25: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: VI
Narcissistic behavior at work distorts decisions, disrupts relationships, and generates toxic conflict. These consequences limit the ability of the organization to achieve its goals. In this part of our series we examine the effects of exploiting others for personal ends. Available here and by RSS on April 25.
A shark of unspecified speciesAnd on May 2: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: VII
Narcissistic behavior at work prevents trusting relationships from developing. It also disrupts existing relationships, and generates toxic conflict. One class of behaviors that's especially threatening to relationships is disregard for the feelings of others. In this part of our series we examine the effects of that disregard. Available here and by RSS on May 2.

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