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   December 22, 2004 Volume 4, Issue 51
 
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When You Can't Even Think About It

by Rick Brenner

Some problems are so difficult or scary that we can't even think about how to face them. Until we can think, action is not a good idea. How can we engage our brains for the really scary problems?

Julie was now halfway through her coffee, and she suspected everyone else was, too. She looked over at James. He was just staring down into his cup. She looked across at Bugs, and their eyes met. They both realized that somebody had to say something, and she knew it would be best coming from Bugs. Apparently he did too.

A brainHe said to James, "It won't get better by itself, you know."

James looked up. "What won't?" he asked.

"You know..." said Bugs, "how Warren treats you. You have to say something to somebody."

"I know, I know." James sat up straight. "I have to get back." He stood. "See ya," he said, and left.

"I give up," said Julie. "I've tried everything. Four times."

Bugs understood. "Yeah," he said. "He'll do something when he does something. I'm just not sure I'd deal with it any differently."

Have you ever wanted to tell someone about a simmering problem, and dreaded it? Sometimes we get stuck. Time goes by, and we don't act. We don't seek advice; we reject what advice we get.

The stress of the task
can be so great that
we can't even think about it
It isn't always procrastination. The stress of the task can be so great that we can't even think. Our brains shut down.

That's a tough spot to be in, because when you have to address the really difficult problems, you're almost sure to need your brain. What can you do to get calm enough to engage your brain?

Begin by noticing the warning signs of shutdown. Here are some indicators of brain shutdown as you think about the problem you dread:

These indicators are scary in themselves, but with practice, they become familiar, and control returns. To practice:

Once you've practiced several times, it will begin to get easier. Then make it more realistic by talking (out loud) to a stick figure stand-in, then maybe a Gumby or a teddy bear. Finally ask a buddy to play your partner's role, first mute, and finally as a role-play.

It might take many practice runs, but you'll gradually notice that you feel more comfortable, and that your brain is engaged. When that happens, you can think about how to act. Your brain is back. Go to top  Top  Next issue: Appreciations  Next Issue
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See also Emotions at Work and Conflict Management for more related articles.

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Richard Brenner
Chaco Canyon Consulting
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Cambridge MA, 02138

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