Some time ago, a client — let's call him Bert — reported that his boss disliked him. "Oh," I said, "how come?" It turned out that most of Bert's evidence was based on his boss's silence when Bert did good work. If there were difficulties, his boss did intervene, but otherwise he said little. Bert said, "I hear from him only when I'm in trouble. He hates me."
Bert could have been right, but there were other possibilities. With a little difficulty, and some encouragement, Bert accumulated half a dozen alternative explanations, some quite flattering of Bert. That led us to explore how we interpret events.
We see things. We hear things. We interpret them, sometimes nearly instantaneously. And when we do, we tend to overlook other interpretations consistent with our observations. Here are some patterns that lead us to overlook possible interpretations.
- They're doing what I've done
- At times we assume that when people behave the way we sometimes do, they have the same reasons we do. That is, if I become withdrawn when angry, I assume that when people seem withdrawn, they're angry, too.
- Remember that my reasons for what I do might not be your reasons for doing that very same thing.
- Omniscience is beyond anyone's reach, but we often assume that we fully understand others' circumstances. We then use that mistaken understanding to explain their behavior.
- Seeing things as others see them is difficult even when they tell us what they see — and usually, we just guess. Asking is better. See "The Mind Reading Trap," Point Lookout for October 10, 2001, for more.
- There are some explanations that we wish were untrue. There are others that remind us of repulsive things, or things we fear. If our revulsion is strong enough, we can trick ourselves into ignoring these possibilities.
- Interpretations are more likely to be correct if you've included for consideration any factors that repel you, scare you, or would make life really difficult.
- My reasons for what I do
might not be your reasons
for doing that very
- Preferences, preconceptions, and agendas
- Avoidance's companion is Preference. Sometimes we confuse truth with what we want to be true. Too often, we accept without question that which confirms our beliefs, provides us with excuses, or absolves us of responsibility.
- Take time to review how you know what you know. Is it really so? Test it.
- There and then instead of here and now
- When events remind us of past experiences, we sometimes return involuntarily. We repeat the past, or live it the way we wish we had, instead of making choices that fit the here and now.
- Staying present can be most difficult. Take extra care when you notice similarities between the now and the then. For more on the involuntary identification of the there-and-then with the here-and-now, see "You Remind Me of Helen Hunt," Point Lookout for June 6, 2001.
What are your favorite patterns? Observe yourself for a week or two, noticing interpretations that turn out to be mistaken. Once you know your favored patterns, they'll almost automatically become less favored. Try it. Top Next Issue
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
Your comments are welcomeWould you like to see your comments posted here? rbrenzCdWGbeGdtSzysNHner@ChacPYIScrLSHWNMawgHoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.
About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:
- How We Avoid Making Decisions
- When an important item remains on our To-Do list for a long time, it's possible that we've found ways
to avoid facing it. Some of the ways we do this are so clever that we may be unaware of them. Here's
a collection of techniques we use to avoid engaging difficult problems.
- Critical Thinking and Midnight Pizza
- When we notice patterns or coincidences, we draw conclusions about things we can't or didn't directly
observe. Sometimes the conclusions are right, and sometimes not. When they're not, organizations, careers,
and people can suffer. To be right more often, we must master critical thinking.
- Most of us get too much email. Some is spam, but even if we figured out how to eliminate spam, most
would still agree that we get too much email. What's happening? And what can we do about it?
- The Questions Not Asked
- Often, the path to forward progress is open and waiting, but we don't recognize it, or we convince ourselves
it isn't there. Learning to see what we believe isn't there is difficult. Here are some reasons why.
- Virtual Clutter: I
- With some Web searching, you can find abundant advice for decluttering your home or office. And people
are even thinking about decluttering email inboxes. But the problem of clutter is far more widespread.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming August 23: Look Where You Aren't Looking
- Being blindsided by an adverse event could indicate the event's sudden, unexpected development. It can also indicate a failure to anticipate what could have been reasonably anticipated. How can we improve our ability to prepare for adverse events? Available here and by RSS on August 23.
- And on August 30: They Just Don't Understand
- When we cannot resolve an issue in open debate, we sometimes try to explain the obstinacy of others. The explanations we favor can tell us more about ourselves than they do about others. Available here and by RSS on August 30.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenSqtYJQebCnPAzHgener@ChacndvPyPOtAkbUpPpaoCanyon.com or (617) 491-6289, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the ebook!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
- Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, USD 28.99)
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
- The Race to the South Pole: Ten Lessons for Project Managers
- On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald
Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen
had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished.
As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough, but to organizational leaders, business
analysts, project sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. Lessons abound. Read
more about this program. Here are some dates for this program:
- The Westin Virginia Beach Town Center, 4535 Commerce Street,
Virginia Beach, VA 23462: September 13,
Monthly Meeting, Hampton Roads Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- CTCPA, 716 Brook Street,
Rocky Hill, CT 06067: September 20,
Full-day Workshop, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- The Westin Virginia Beach Town Center, 4535 Commerce Street, Virginia Beach, VA 23462: September 13, Monthly Meeting, Hampton Roads Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- Creating High Performance Virtual Teams
- Many people experience virtual teams as awkward, slow, and sometimes
frustrating. Even when most team members hail from the same nation or culture, and even when they all
speak the same language, geographic dispersion or the presence of employees from multiple enterprises
is often enough to exclude all possibility of high performance. The problem is that we lead, manage,
and support virtual teams in ways that are too much like the way we lead, manage, and support co-located
teams. In this program, Rick Brenner shows you how to change your approach to leading, managing, and
supporting virtual teams to achieve high performance using Simons' Four Spans model of high performance.
Read more about this program. Here's a date for this
- Baci Grill, 134 Berlin
Road, Berlin, CT 06416: September 19,
Monthly Meeting, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- Baci Grill, 134 Berlin Road, Berlin, CT 06416: September 19, Monthly Meeting, Southern New England Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.