How to cope with narcissists at work is a popular topic on the Interwebs these days. Which is interesting, because the term narcissist serves as both a lay and clinical designation. The two usages differ. And it can be difficult to know which sense pertains when we hear the term in use. The clinical sense implies that the person in question is afflicted with what psychologists call Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Because few of us are equipped to make such a diagnosis of our co-workers, even if they're willing to submit to examination, I prefer to focus on behaviors and attitudes rather than the person exhibiting them.
In this and coming issues, I'll examine a set of narcissistic behaviors and attitudes. For each one, I'll provide illustrations, a description, an indication of its organizational risks, and suggestions for coping with the behavior until management finally intervenes. Here are the behaviors and attitudes I'll examine:
- Expresses exaggerated self-importance
- Preoccupied with superiority fantasies
- Believes that he or she is special and that only special people or institutions can fully appreciate that specialness
- Constantly demands attention and admiration from others
- Expects and demands favorable treatment
- Exploits others for personal ends
- Ruthlessly disregards the feelings of others
- Envies others or believes that others envy him or her
- Is Off-the-charts arrogant
For convenience, I'll refer to the person exhibiting these narcissistic behaviors as either Nick or Nora. Let's begin this time with "Expresses exaggerated self-importance."
- Nora insists that all meetings, whatever their agendas, be scheduled at times when she can attend, because a meeting without her can't possibly reach any valid conclusions. If an important task is assigned to a subgroup, that group must include Nora. If it does not, she insists on reviewing their results, and then adjusting them as she sees fit.
- Feeling Because few of us are equipped to
diagnose clinical narcissism in our
co-workers, it's safer to focus on
behaviors and attitudes rather
than the person exhibiting themthat oneself is more important than someone else in a given situation is a common sensation; feeling that oneself is more important than everyone else in all situations is probably narcissistic.
- Organizational risks
- Behaviors and attitudes like Nora's are inimical to organizational survival. Even if Nora is often justified in her assessment of her own capabilities, nobody is always right. Letting her views prevail consistently in these ways exposes the organization to high risk of catastrophic blunders.
- Merely expressing the belief that one is more important than anyone else — let alone acting on it — is dangerous to the organization and constitutes a performance issue. Management must intervene and deal with it as such. If management doesn't intervene, others compelled to accept the presence of someone like Nora will learn that there's little opportunity for them to contribute or for their contributions to be recognized. The more capable among them will seek opportunities elsewhere, and those people are the very people the organization should nurture and develop.
- Coping tactics
- If you supervise Nora, your duty is to take corrective action. Your Human Resources representative can guide you.
- If you aren't Nora's supervisor, alert Nora's supervisor to the problem. If no effective action results, you can consider filing a formal grievance, but beware: Nora is unlikely to tolerate anyone who stands against her. If she learns of the action you've taken, the consequences for you could be seriously unpleasant. In some situations, your best option might be finding an exit — for you or for Nora — and keeping your head down until you do.
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More articles on Workplace Politics:
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some detractors don't give up. Here's Part II of a catalog of tactics detractors use to sow chaos.
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- When the Answer Isn't the Point: I
- When we ask each other questions, the answers aren't always what we seek. Sometimes the behavior of
the respondent is what matters. Here are some techniques questioners use when the answer to the question
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Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming March 28: Four Overlooked Email Risks: II
- Email exchanges are notorious for exposing groups to battles that would never occur in face-to-face conversation. But email has other limitations, less-often discussed, that make managing dialog very difficult. Here's Part II of an exploration of some of those risks. Available here and by RSS on March 28.
- And on April 4: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: III
- People who behave narcissistically tend to regard themselves as special. They systematically place their own interests and welfare ahead of anyone or anything else. In this part of the series we consider how this claimed specialness affects the organization and its people. Available here and by RSS on April 4.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.