Maria opened her inbox one morning and found, among the usual meeting announcements, deadline reminders, and spam, a message from Ken. Ken and Maria had had some difficulties, and a low-grade feud had been simmering for some time. So when Maria saw Ken's name, she felt a twinge. His messages were never good news. And this one certainly wasn't.
"I need your input for the quarterly report by Friday," Ken reminded her. That was fine. But he went on, "I hope you'll make the deadline this quarter." Less fine. And he had CC'd her boss. Definitely not fine.
Ken's message to Maria contained a "tweaking CC," which is a CC to someone whom the sender believes has influence or power over the recipient. The tweaking CC is designed to intimidate.
We use the tweaking CC when we want to rattle people, by tattling on them or informing on them [Brenner 2006] When used artfully, the tweaking CC provides cover to the sender, who can claim that the CCs were included only to keep everyone in the loop. Usually, this "FYI veil" is pretty thin — everyone can see right through it, except perhaps the sender.
When you receive a message with a tweaking CC, remember:
- It's possible that the message you're looking at doesn't have a tweaking CC. Maybe the sender added the CCs for some other reason that you don't know about.
- Tweaking CCs hurt. Let yourself feel the hurt. Denying the hurt will only cause you more grief later. Get support if you need it.
- The sender is in pain, too. The sender's self-esteem is low. Senders of tweaking CCs often feel that it would not be enough to simply let you know that something is amiss — it's necessary to tell someone really powerful.
- Taking any action at all within the first hour or two is unwise — you're very likely to make things worse.
- Defending yourself gives credibility to the sender.
- Defending yourself in email is risky because emails are so easily misunderstood.
Senders of
tweaking CCs
often feel
powerlessWhat about Maria? She went for a 20-minute walk. Later, she dropped in on her boss. She explained that she regarded the email from Ken as a tweaking CC. Her boss instantly recognized what she meant by the term, and told her that when he received the message he recognized it as such. He asked Maria if she wanted anything done about Ken's behavior, but Maria declined the offer, saying that since all was well between the two of them, she felt better, and she would find a way to work things out with Ken.
When you receive a message with a tweaking CC, breathe. Center yourself. Recognize your own power — the sender certainly does. Top Next Issue
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Footnotes
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Related articles
More articles on Emotions at Work:
- Avoid Typing Under the Influence
- When we communicate, we can't control how other people interpret our communications. Accidental offense
is inevitable, and email is especially likely to produce examples of this problem. What can we do as
members of electronic communities when trouble erupts?
- Feedback Fumbles
- "Would you like some feedback on that?" Uh-oh, you think, absolutely not. But if you're like
many of us, your response is something like, "Sure, I'd be very interested in your thoughts."
Why is giving and receiving feedback so difficult?
- Coping with Problems
- How we cope with problems is a choice. When we choose our coping style, we help determine our ability
to address the problems we face. Of eight styles we can identify, only one is universally constructive,
and we rarely use it.
- The Uses of Empathy
- Even though empathy skills are somewhat undervalued in the workplace context, we do use them, for good
and for ill. What is empathy? How is it relevant at work?
- Why Dogs Make the Best Teammates
- Dogs make great teammates. It's in their constitutions. We can learn a lot from dogs about being good
teammates.
See also Emotions at Work and Emotions at Work for more related articles.
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- And on December 18: Subgrouping and Conway's Law
- When task-oriented work groups address complex tasks, they might form subgroups to address subtasks. The structure of the subgroups and the order in which they form depend on the structure of the group's task and the sequencing of the subtasks. Available here and by RSS on December 18.
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