Join the Friends of Point Lookout Get the E-Book!	Archive: By Topic By Date Sign Up for A Tip A Day!
Create a perpetual bookmark to the current issue
@ Follow @RickBrenner	Random Article

Archive of Past Issues

Emotions at Work

ere are links to the previous issues of Point Lookout that touch on Emotions at Work. Bookmark this page. Or browse this archive by date. Subscribe now.

Coming March 24: Risk Management Risk: Part II: Risk Management Risk is the risk that a particular risk management plan is deficient. Here are some guidelines for reducing risk management risk arising from risk interactions and change. Available here and by RSS on March 24.
And on March 31: Biological Mimicry and Workplace Bullying: When targets of bullies decide to stand up to their bullies, to end the harassment, they frequently act before they're really ready. Here's a metaphor that explains the value of waiting for the right time to act. Available here and by RSS on March 31.

November 18, 2009

Fill in the Blanks: When we conceal information about ourselves and our areas of responsibility, we make room for others to speculate. Speculation is rarely helpful. It's wise to fill in the blanks.

September 2, 2009

Blind Agendas: Effective meetings have agendas. But even if a meeting has an agenda, the hidden agendas of participants can cause trouble. Another source of trouble, less frequently recognized, is the blind agenda.

August 5, 2009

Hyper-Super-Overwork: The prevalence of overwork has increased with the depth of the global recession, in part, because employers are demanding more, and in part, because many must now work longer hours to make ends a little closer to meeting. Overwork is dangerous. Here are some suggestions for dealing with it.

July 1, 2009

Teamwork Myths: I vs. We: In high performance teams, cooperative behavior is a given. But in the experience of many, truly cooperative behavior is so rare that they believe that something fundamental is at work — that cooperative behavior requires surrendering the self, which most people are unwilling to do. It's another teamwork myth.

June 3, 2009

One Cost of Split Assignments: Sometimes management practices have unintended consequences. To reduce costs, we keep staff ranks thin, but that leads to split assignments for those with rare skills. Here's one way split assignments can lead to higher costs.

March 25, 2009

Coping with Layoff Survival: Your company has just done another round of layoffs, and you survived yet again. This time was the most difficult, because your best pal was laid off, and you're even more fearful for your own job security. How can you cope with survival?

February 4, 2009

How to Avoid a Layoff: Your Relationships: In these troubled economic times, layoffs loom almost everywhere. Here are some tips for reconfiguring your relationships with others at work and at home to reduce the chances that you will be laid off.

January 28, 2009

How to Avoid a Layoff: The Inside Stuff: These are troubled economic times. Layoffs are becoming increasingly common. Here are some tips for changing your frame of mind to help reduce the chances that you will be laid off.

January 21, 2009

Creating Trust: What can you do when you discover that the environment at work is permeated with distrust? Your position in the organization does affect your choices, but here are some suggestions that might be helpful to anyone.

December 24, 2008

Making Memories to Cherish: We all have cherished memories — lovely moments we can replay whenever we want to feel happy. How would you like to have a lot more of them?

December 10, 2008

The Injured Teammate: Part II: You're a team lead, and one of the team members is suddenly very ill or has been severely injured. How do you handle it? Here are some suggestions for breaking the news to the team.

December 3, 2008

The Injured Teammate: Part I: You're a team lead, and one of the team members is very ill or has been severely injured. How do you handle it? How do you break the news? What does the team need? What do you need?

November 26, 2008

It's a Wonderful Day!: Most knowledge workers are problem solvers. We work towards goals. We anticipate problems as best we can, and when problems appear, we solve them. But our focus on anticipating problems can become a problem in itself — at work and in Life.

November 19, 2008

Favors, Payback and Thoughtlessness: Someone at work who isn't particularly a friend or foe has asked you for a favor. What happens if you say no? Do you grant the favor? How do you decide what to do?

November 5, 2008

On Virtual Relationships: Whether or not you work as part of a virtual team, you probably work with some people you rarely meet face-to-face. And there are some people you've never met, and probably never will. What does it take to maintain good working relationships with people you rarely meet?

July 16, 2008

How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations: Difficult conversations can be so scary to contemplate that many of us delay them until difficult conversations become impossible conversations. Here are some tips for preparing for difficult conversations.

July 2, 2008

Peace's Pieces: Just as important as keeping the peace with your colleagues is making peace again when it has been broken by strife. Nations have peace treaties. People make up. Here are some tips for making up.

June 25, 2008

Unintended Consequences: Sometimes, when we solve problems, the solutions create new problems that can be worse than the problems we solve. Why does this happen? How can we limit this effect?

June 18, 2008

Coping and Hard Lessons: Ever have the feeling of "Uh-oh, I've made this mistake before"? Some of these oft-repeated mistakes happen not because of obstinacy, or stupidity, or foolishness, but because the learning required to avoid them is just plain difficult. Here are some examples of hard lessons.

May 14, 2008

Animosity Patterns: Animosity between two people at work is often attributed to "personality clashes." While sometimes people can't get along, animosity can also be a tool for accomplishing strictly political ends. Here's a short catalog of some of its uses.

March 12, 2008

Responding to Threats: Part III: Workplace threats come in a variety of flavors. One class of threats is indirect. Threateners who use the indirect threats aim to evoke fear of consequences brought about not by the threatener, but by other parties. Indirect threats are indeed warnings, but not in the way you might think.

February 27, 2008

Responding to Threats: Part II: When an exchange between individuals, or between an individual and a group, goes wrong, threats often are either the cause or part of the results. If we know how to deal with threats — and how to avoid and prevent them — we can help keep communications creative and constructive.

February 20, 2008

Responding to Threats: Part I: Threats are one form of communication common to many organizational cultures, especially as pressure mounts. Understanding the varieties of threats can be helpful in determining a response that fits for you.

December 12, 2007

What We Don't Know About Each Other: We know a lot about our co-workers, but we don't know everything. And since we don't know what we don't know, we sometimes forget that we don't know it. And then the trouble begins.

November 28, 2007

Social Safety Margins: As our personal workloads increase, we endure more stress and more time pressure. Inevitably, we have less time for the social niceties that protect us from accidentally hurting each other's feelings. When are we most at risk of incidental harm, and what can we do about it?

July 18, 2007

Reverse Micromanagement: Micromanagement is too familiar to too many of us. Less familiar is inappropriate interference in the reverse direction — in the work of our supervisors or even higher in the chain. Disciplinary action isn't always helpful, especially when some of the causes of reverse micromanagement are organizational.

July 11, 2007

Ethical Influence: Part II: When we influence others as they're making tough decisions, it's easy to enter a gray area. How can we be certain that our influence isn't manipulation? How can we influence others ethically?

July 4, 2007

Ethical Influence: Part I: Influencing others can be difficult. Even more difficult is defining a set of approaches to influencing that almost all of us consider ethical. Here's a framework that makes a good starting point.

August 30, 2006

Peek-a-Boo and Leadership: Great leaders know what to say, what not to say, and when to say or not say it, sometimes with stunning effect. Consistently effective leadership requires superior empathy skills. Here are some things to do to improve your empathy skills.

January 18, 2006

Filtered Perceptions: How we see things influences how we see things, almost like a filter or sunglasses. What are your filters?

January 4, 2006

The Uses of Empathy: Even though empathy skills are somewhat undervalued in the workplace context, we do use them, for good and for ill. What is empathy? How is it relevant at work?

July 27, 2005

Hurtful Clichés: Part II: Much of our day-to-day conversation consists of harmless clichés: "How goes it?" or "Nice to meet you." Some other clichés aren't harmless, but they're so common that we use them without thinking. Maybe it's time for some thought.

July 13, 2005

Hurtful Clichés: Part I: Much of our day-to-day conversation consists of harmless clichés: "How goes it?" or "Nice to meet you." Some other clichés aren't harmless, but they're so common that we use them without thinking. Maybe it's time for some thought.

June 29, 2005

Deniable Intimidation: Some people achieve or maintain power by intimidating others in deniable ways. Too often, when intimidators succeed, their success rests in part on our unwillingness to resist, or on our lack of skill. By understanding their tactics, and by preparing responses, we can deter intimidators.

June 22, 2005

The Loopy Things We Do at Work: At the end of the day, your skill at finding humor inside the dull and ordinary can make the difference between going home exhausted and going home in a strait jacket. Adopting a twisted view of the goings-on might just help keep you untwisted.

May 18, 2005

Irrational Self-Interest: When we try to influence others, especially large groups or entire companies, we sometimes create packages of incentives and disincentives that are intended to affect behavior. These strategies usually assume that people make choices on rational grounds. Is this assumption valid?

March 23, 2005

Can You Hear Me Now?: Not feeling heard can feel like an attack, even when there was no attack, and then conversation can quickly turn to war. Here are some tips for hearing your conversation partner and for conveying the message that you actually did hear.

March 9, 2005

Planning Your Getaway: For many of us, taking a vacation can be a burden. We ask ourselves, "How can I get away now?" And sometimes we have the answer: "I can't." How can we feel relaxed about taking time off?

December 29, 2004

Appreciations: When we take time to express to others our appreciation for what they do for us, a magical thing happens.

December 22, 2004

When You Can't Even Think About It: Some problems are so difficult or scary that we can't even think about how to face them. Until we can think, action is not a good idea. How can we engage our brains for the really scary problems?

December 15, 2004

Totally at Home: Getting home from work is far more than a question of transportation. What can we do to come home totally — to move not only our bodies, but our minds and our spirits from work to home?

December 8, 2004

A Guide for the Humor-Impaired: Humor can lift our spirits and defuse tense situations. If you're already skilled in humor, and you want advice from an expert, I can't help you. But if you're humor-impaired and you just want to know the basics, I probably can't help you either. Or maybe I can...

November 24, 2004

Are You Micromanaging Yourself?: Feeling distrusted and undervalued, we often attribute the problem to the behavior of others — to the micromanager who might be mistreating us. We tend not to examine our own contributions to the difficulty. Are you micromanaging yourself?

September 22, 2004

The Unappreciative Boss: Do you work for a boss who doesn't appreciate you? Do you feel ignored or excessively criticized? If you do, life can be a misery, if you make it so. Or you can work around it. It's up to you to choose.

September 15, 2004

Begging the Question: Begging the question is a common, usually undetected, rhetorical fallacy. It leads to unsupported conclusions and painful places we just can't live with. What can we do when it happens?

July 14, 2004

Those Across-the-Board Cuts That Aren't: One widespread feature of organizational life is the announcement of across-the-board cuts. Although they're announced, they're rarely "across-the-board." What's behind this pattern? How can we change it to a more effective, truthful pattern?

July 7, 2004

Believe It or Else: When we use threats and intimidation to win debates or agreement, we lay a flimsy foundation for future action. Using fear may win the point, but little more.

May 12, 2004

Hot and Cold Running People: Do you consider yourself a body linguist? Can you tell what people are thinking just by looking at gestures and postures? Think again. Body language is much more complex and ambiguous than many would have us believe.

May 5, 2004

The Fundamental Attribution Error: When we try to understand the behavior of others, we often make a particularly human mistake. We tend to attribute too much to character and disposition and too little to situation and context. When we seek a better balance, we can adopt a more accepting view of events around us.

March 24, 2004

Intimidation Tactics: Touching: Workplace touching can be friendly, or it can be dangerous and intimidating. When touching is used to intimidate, it often works, because intimidators know how to select their targets. If you're targeted, what can you do?

March 17, 2004

When You're the Target of a Bully: Workplace bullies are probably the organization's most expensive employees. They reduce the effectiveness not only of their targets, but also of bystanders and of the organization as a whole. What can you do if you become a target?

February 25, 2004

When You Need a Lift: When we depend on praise, positive support or consumption to feel good, we're giving other people or things power over us. Finding within ourselves whatever we need to feel good about ourselves is one path to autonomy and freedom.

February 11, 2004

Decision-Making and the Straw Man: In project work, we often make decisions with incomplete information. Sometimes we narrow the options to a few, examine their strengths and risks, and make a choice. In our deliberations, some advocates use a technique called the Straw Man fallacy. It threatens the soundness of the decision, and its use is very common.

January 21, 2004

Coping with Problems: How we cope with problems is a choice. When we choose our coping style, we help determine our ability to address the problems we face. Of eight styles we can identify, only one is universally constructive, and we rarely use it.

November 5, 2003

Why Dogs Wag Their Tails: If you've ever known a particular dog at all well, you've probably been amazed at how easy it is to guess a dog's mood, even though dogs can't speak. Perhaps what's more amazing is that it's so difficult to guess a person's mood, even though humans can speak.

October 8, 2003

Your Wishing Wand: Wishing — for ourselves, for others, or for all — helps us focus on what we really want. When we know what we really want, we're ready to make the little moves that make it happen. Here's a little user's guide for your wishing wand.

August 20, 2003

Cellf Esteem: When a cell phone goes off in a movie theater, some of us get irritated or even angry. Why has the cell phone become so prominent in public? And why do we have such strong reactions to its use?

June 25, 2003

When You Travel Alone: Many of us travel as a part of our jobs, and some of us spend a fair amount of that time traveling solo. Here are some tips for enlivening that time alone while you're traveling for work.

June 18, 2003

Demanding Forgiveness: Working together under stress, we do sometimes hurt each other. Delivering apologies is a skill critical to repairing those hurts and maintaining our relationships.

April 9, 2003

Conflict Haiku: When tempers flare, or tension fills the air, many of us contribute to the stew, often without realizing that we do. Here are some haiku that describe some of the many stances we choose that can lead groups into tangles, or let those tangles persist once they form.

April 2, 2003

Feedback Fumbles: "Would you like some feedback on that?" Uh-oh, you think, absolutely not. But if you're like many of us, your response is something like, "Sure, I'd be very interested in your thoughts." Why is giving and receiving feedback so difficult?

December 25, 2002

What's So Good About Being Laid Off?: Layoffs during the holiday period of November 15 through January 15 are far more common than you might think. Losing your job, or fearing that you might, is always difficult, but at this time of year it's especially helpful to keep in mind that the experience does have a bright side.

October 30, 2002

Manipulated Commitments: Manipulated or coerced commitment looks pretty good on paper, but it might not lead to dedicated action. When the truth is finally revealed, trouble can be unavoidable.

October 9, 2002

When Naming Hurts: One of our great strengths as Humans is our ability to name things. Naming empowers us by helping us think about and communicate complex ideas. But naming has a dark side, too. We use naming to oversimplify, to denigrate, to disempower, and even to dehumanize. When we abuse this tool, we hurt our companies, our colleagues and ourselves.

September 11, 2002

Marking Grief: Grief is usually a private matter, but for many, September Eleventh is different because our grief can be centered in the workplace. On September Eleventh, give yourself permission to do what you need for yourself, and give others permission to do what they need for themselves. Here are some choices.

August 28, 2002

Down So Low the Only Place to Go Is Up: The past few years have been hard. Some of us have lost hope. What do you do when you're down so low the only place to go is up?

July 24, 2002

Working Out on Your Dreadmill: Many of us are experts in risk analysis and risk management. Even the non-specialists among us have developed considerable skill in anticipating troubles and preparing plans for dealing with them. When these habits of thought leak into our personal lives, we pay a high price.

June 26, 2002

Think in Living Color: Feeling trapped, with no clear way out, often leads to anger. One way to defuse your anger is to notice false traps, particularly the false dichotomy. When you notice that you're the target of a false dichotomy, you can control your anger more easily — and then the trap often disappears.

June 12, 2002

Getting Home in Time for Dinner: Some of us are fortunate — we work for companies that make sure they have enough people to do all the work. Yet, we still work too many hours. We overwork ourselves by taking on too much, and then we work long hours to get it done. If you're an over-worker, what can you do about it?

May 15, 2002

I Think, Therefore I Laugh: Humor is fun — that's why they call it "funny." If you add humor to your own work environment, you'll reduce your level of stress, increase your creativity, and drive your enemies nuts.

May 8, 2002

If You Weren't So Wrong So Often, I'd Agree with You: Diversity of perspectives is one of the great strengths of teams. Ideas contend and through contending they improve each other. In this process, criticism of ideas sometimes gets personal. How can we critique ideas safely, without hurting each other, while keeping focused on the work?

April 24, 2002

Responding to Rumors: Have you ever heard nasty rumors about yourself? When rumors are damaging, they can hurt our careers, our self-esteem, and even our health. Sadly, our response to rumors often compounds the serious damage they do.

March 27, 2002

When You Make a Mistake: We've all made mistakes, and we'll continue to do so for as long as we live. Making mistakes is part of being human. Still, we're often troubled by our mistakes, even when we remember that many mistakes turn out to be great gifts. Why do we have such a hard time acknowledging mistakes?

March 13, 2002

When It Really Counts, Be Positive: When we express our ideas, we can usually choose between a positive construction and a negative one. We can advocate for one path, or against another. Even though these choices have nearly identical literal meanings, positive constructions are safer in tense situations.

February 13, 2002

After the Accolades: You Are Still You: Have you had a major success lately? Have you become a celebrity in your organization? Are people showering you with accolades? When it happens, we feel great, and the elation does finally come to an end. What then?

February 6, 2002

Are You Taking on the Full Load?: Taking on the full load is what we do when we feel fully responsible for either the success or the failure of some organizational activity. Instead of asking for help, we take extreme measures to execute responsibilities that might not even be ours.

November 7, 2001

Never, Ever, Kill the Messenger: If you're a manager in a project-oriented organization, you need to know the full, unvarnished Truth. When you kill a messenger, you deliver a message of your own: Tell me the Truth at your peril. Killing messengers has such predictable results that you have to question any report you receive — good news or bad.

September 12, 2001

September Eleventh: Because of the events of September Eleventh, and out of respect for the dead and bereaved, Point Lookout didn't appear this week. I hope we can all find a way through our pain to a place of peace and respect for all. Please take the time that you would have spent reading Point Lookout and use it to move us all a little closer to that goal.

September 5, 2001

Email Happens: Email is a wonderful medium for some communications, and extremely dangerous for others. What are its limitations? How can we use email safely?

July 11, 2001

The Fallacy of the False Cause: Although we sometimes make decisions with incomplete information, we do the best we can, given what we know. Sometimes, we make wrong decisions not because we have incomplete information, but because we make mistakes in how we reason about the information we do have.

June 27, 2001

Stay in Your Own Hula Hoop: Do you tend to commit to too many tasks? Are you one who spends too much energy meeting the needs of others — so much that your own needs go unmet? Here's how a hula-hoop can help.

June 6, 2001

You Remind Me of Helen Hunt: At a dinner party I attended recently, Kris said to Suzanne, "You remind me of Helen Hunt." I looked at Suzanne, and sure enough, she did look like Helen Hunt. Later, I noticed that I was seeing Suzanne a little differently. These are the effects of hat hanging. At work, it can damage careers and even businesses.

May 23, 2001

Avoid Typing Under the Influence: When we communicate, we can't control how other people interpret our communications. Accidental offense is inevitable, and email is especially likely to produce examples of this problem. What can we do as members of electronic communities when trouble erupts?

May 9, 2001

Dealing with Your Own Anger: However perceptive we become about what can anger us, we still do get angry once in a while. Here are four steps to help you deal with your own anger.

April 18, 2001

The Triangulation Zone: When somebody complains to you about someone else's performance, you're entering into another dimension — a dimension of three minds. That's the signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Triangulation Zone.

March 28, 2001

The Slippery Slope That Isn't: "If we promote you, we'll have to promote all of them, too." This "slippery-slope" tactic for winning debates works by exploiting our fears. Another in a series about rhetorical tricks that push our buttons.

February 21, 2001

Celebrate!: When you celebrate — even minor successes — you change your outlook, you energize yourself, and you create new ways to achieve more successes. Too often we let others define what we will celebrate. Actually, we're in complete command of what we celebrate. When we take charge of our celebrations, we make life a lot more fun.

February 7, 2001

The Tweaking CC: When did you last receive an email message with a "tweaking CC"? Probably yesterday. A tweaking CC is usually a CC to your boss or possibly the entire known universe, designed to create pressure by exposing embarrassing information.

January 10, 2001

Dealing with Implied Accusations: Some people use rhetorical tricks that push our buttons, which makes choosing wisely difficult. Implied accusations make us defensive, which is almost always a bad place to be. What other choices do we have?

What's RSS?

Projects Over Budget?

Learn how to spot troubled projects before they get out of control.

Advertise on
This Page!

Your ad can appear at the top of this column, and you can select the page and placement that best meets your needs.

Toxic Conflict Is Costly

Fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you the target of a bully? Learn how to make peace with conflict.

Full list of my publications

Ebooks, booklets and tip books on project management, conflict, writing email, effective meetings and more.

Order the Combo Package!

Save a bundle and even more important save time! Order the Combo Package and download all ebooks and tips books at once.

Especially for Leaders

Are your project teams plagued by turnover, burnout, and high defect rates? Turn your culture around.

Free Weekly Newsletter

My free weekly email newsletter gives concrete tips and suggestions for dealing with the challenging but everyday situations we all face.

Love the Work But Not the Job?

Bad boss, long commute, troubling ethical questions, hateful colleague? Learn what we can do when we love the work but not the job.

Are You Mired in Meetings?

Learn how to make meetings more productive — and more rare.

Catalog of Services

If your teams don't yet consistently achieve state-of-the-art teamwork, check out this catalog. Help is just a few clicks away!

What People Say About Rick's Programs

"Rick is a dynamic presenter who thinks on his feet to keep the material relevant to the group."
— Tina L. Lawson, Technical Project Manager, BankOne.
"Rick truly has his finger on the pulse of teams and their communication."
— Mark Middleton, Team Lead, SERS

Support
Point Lookout
by starting your Amazon search here

Subscribe to
A Tip A Day!

A Tip a Day arrives by email, or by Yahoo! Widget, each business day. It's 20 to 30 words at most, and gives you a new perspective on the hassles and rewards of work life. Most tips also contain links to related articles. Free!

Catalog of Services

If your teams don't yet consistently achieve state-of-the-art teamwork, check out this catalog. Help is just a few clicks away!

When you start here, a part of every purchase you make goes to support Point Lookout, at no cost to you.
Search Now: