Point Lookout An email newsletter from Chaco Canyon Consulting
Point Lookout, a free weekly email newsletter from Chaco Canyon Consulting
   December 15, 2004 Volume 4, Issue 50
 
   Recommend this issue to a friend
   Join the Friends of Point Lookout
   HTML to link to this article…
Archive: By Topic    By Date
Links to Related Articles
Sign Up for A Tip A Day!
   Create a perpetual bookmark to the current issue AddThis Button

Totally at Home

by Rick Brenner

Getting home from work is far more than a question of transportation. What can we do to come home totally — to move not only our bodies, but our minds and our spirits from work to home?

"Not now, I said!" Eileen regretted her words as soon as she heard herself speak them. Her words, her tone and especially her anger. But the damage was done. Little Randy had already run out of the kitchen and off to his room. She followed, not knowing exactly how she would apologize, or whether it would do any good.

Respectfully, she knocked at his door. "Randy, can I come in to say I'm sorry?"

"OK," he replied.

She opened the door and entered. His room, of course, was a disaster. He was lying on his bed, on his left side, his back to her. She sat down on the edge of his bed and put her hand on his shoulder.

A kayaker commuting"I'm sorry," she began. "I had a rough day today."

He turned toward her. "I can always tell," he said, with that four-year-old wisdom that so many of us lose by age five. Randy was still wise.

If you've had a "rough day" at work — conflict, abuse or worse — bringing it home by stuffing it down inside is almost sure to fail. You probably won't be fully available to the people you love at home, and you might even end up in destructive conflict with them.

Merely making the physical journey doesn't bring your full Self home from work. Here are some things you can you do to help yourself — your whole Self — come home. If you've had a rough day
at work, stuffing it down
is almost sure to fail

Make a date
If you have trouble at work, talk to someone about it. People at home might be able to help, but there are lots of alternatives — a coach, a cleric, a therapist, a mentor, a colleague. Making a date to talk helps you set your cares aside.
Change your shoes
Begin the process of going home by changing to your homeward-bound shoes. Never let your work shoes enter your home on your feet.
Take a breath
Whether it's before you start your car, or just as you get aboard your train, limo or kayak, pause and take a long slow breath. Breathe in, and then breathe out that last wisp of "work air."
Smile at three people on the way home
Find three people you can smile at on your way home — a co-worker, the lobby guard, the cab driver...whoever. If three is too easy for you, push it and find your limit.
Travel with someone who works somewhere else
Commuting alone, we stew in our own juices. Better to travel with another. Even better if that other doesn't work where you do.

When you get home, there's one thing more to do, and it's magic. Hug everyone in sight. Twice.

If you have an office at home, as I do, drawing a bright, clear boundary between work and home is difficult. But as you make the transition, you can still pause — and you can still breathe. Well, I'm done for now. Time for me to breathe. Go to top  Top  Next issue: When You Can't Even Think About It  Next Issue
AddThis Button

Reader Comments
Peter J. Westerhof
Nice, but I miss one. When coming home, take a shower and let everything wash away. I'm so used to it that I don't feel really home if I haven't showered first.

Go For It: Sometimes It's Easier If You RunLove the work but not the job? Bad boss, long commute, troubling ethical questions, hateful colleague? This ebook looks at what we can do to get more out of life at work. It helps you get moving again! Read Go For It! Sometimes It's Easier If You Run, filled with tips and techniques for putting zing into your work life. Order Now!
Your comments are welcome
Would you like to see your comments posted here? Send me your comments.
About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles
More articles on Emotions at Work:
The Grand CanyonWhat's So Good About Being Laid Off?
Layoffs during the holiday period of November 15 through January 15 are far more common than you might think. Losing your job, or fearing that you might, is always difficult, but at this time of year it's especially helpful to keep in mind that the experience does have a bright side.
A wishing wandYour Wishing Wand
Wishing — for ourselves, for others, or for all — helps us focus on what we really want. When we know what we really want, we're ready to make the little moves that make it happen. Here's a little user's guide for your wishing wand.
CongruenceCoping with Problems
How we cope with problems is a choice. When we choose our coping style, we help determine our ability to address the problems we face. Of eight styles we can identify, only one is universally constructive, and we rarely use it.
A targetWhen You're the Target of a Bully
Workplace bullies are probably the organization's most expensive employees. They reduce the effectiveness not only of their targets, but also of bystanders and of the organization as a whole. What can you do if you become a target?
A sleeping dogAre You Micromanaging Yourself?
Feeling distrusted and undervalued, we often attribute the problem to the behavior of others — to the micromanager who might be mistreating us. We tend not to examine our own contributions to the difficulty. Are you micromanaging yourself?

See also Emotions at Work and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Coaching services
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact me for details at rbrenner@ChacoCanyon.com or (617) 491-6289, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the e-book!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in four e-books:

Available in early 2009: 2007-2008.

Reprinting this article
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
Public seminars
Managing Virtual Teams for Real Results
Managing global or dispersed teams is challenging — miscommunications, misunderstandings, and interpersonal conflict all thrive in the typical environment of the distributed team. And they're even more common in global teams, because of time-zone offsets and language and cultural differences. We'll inventory the challenges distributed and global teams face, and provide tools for anticipating and addressing them. The focus of this program is practical — attendees will learn concrete techniques for preventing and dealing with the problems that accompany global and distributed teams. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

Person-to-Person Communication for Project Managers
When we talk, listen, send or read emails, read or write memos, or when we leave or listen to voice mail messages, we're communicating person-to-person. And whenever we communicate person-to-person, we risk being misunderstood, offending others, feeling hurt, and being confused. There are so many ways for things to go wrong that we could never learn how to fix all the problems. A more effective approach avoids problems altogether, or at least minimizes their occurrence. In this very interactive program you'll learn a model of inter-personal communications that can help you stay out of the ditch. In those moments of intense involvement, when we're most likely to slip, you'll have a new tool to use to keep things constructive. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

Organizational Politics for People Who Hate Politics
Have you ever felt powerless to implement an important new idea? Have you ever been "blind-sided" at a meeting? Have you ever lost two good employees because you could find no way to keep them from attacking each other? These are some of the issues of organizational politics. Many of us have become enmeshed in them from time to time, but we've also known some people who seem to be able to engage and prosper. How is that done? We'll inventory the challenges of organizational politics, and provide tools for anticipating and addressing them. The focus of this program is practical — attendees learn concrete techniques for dealing with the problems that arise in workplace politics, while keeping their integrity intact. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

The Politics of Meetings for People Who Hate Politics
There's a lot more to running an effective meeting than having the right room, the right equipment, and the right people. With meetings, the whole really is more than the sum of its parts. How the parts interact with each other and with external elements is as important as the parts themselves. And those interactions are the essence of politics for meetings. This program explores techniques for leading meetings that are based on understanding political interactions, and using that knowledge effectively to meet organizational goals. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:


Contact Information
Download vCard
Download vCard
Richard Brenner
Chaco Canyon Consulting
700 Huron Avenue, Suite 11J
Cambridge MA, 02138

Phone: (617) 491-6289
Toll-free: (866) 378-5470 in the continental US
Fax: (617) 395-2628
Email: rbrenner@ChacoCanyon.com
Copyright © 1998-2008 Richard Brenner. All Rights Reserved.
Site Map  Terms of Use  Privacy Policy  Returns Policy
Date and time limits of special offers on this site are New York time.
Last Modified: Wednesday, 06-Aug-2008 05:30:55 EDT
Valid HTML 4.0! Valid CSS! Next Issue State of the Art Teamwork Essays on Teamwork, Conflict and Project Management April Is Workplace Conflict Awareness Month Workshops and Seminars Point Lookout Archive for 2006 Point Lookout Archive for 2001 Point Lookout Archive for 2002 Point Lookout Archive for 2003 Point Lookout Archive for 2004 Point Lookout Archive for 2005 E-Books and E-Booklets for People at Work Google
Want to tame the hassles of business travel?
202 Tips for Business TravelEver wonder if there isn't a better way to travel? Travel is essential, but the hassles of travel aren't. Read 202 Tips for Business Travel to learn how to convert business travel from a time-wasting hassle to a breeze. Revised and updated for 2008 with 101 new tips! Check it out!
More
How to Spot a Troubled Project
How to Spot a Troubled Project Before the Trouble StartsProjects never go quite as planned. We expect that, but we don't expect disaster. How can we get better at spotting disaster when there's still time to prevent it? How to Spot a Troubled Project Before the Trouble Starts is filled with tips for executives, senior managers, managers of project managers, and sponsors of projects in project-oriented organizations. Check it out!
More
Support
Point Lookout
by starting your Amazon search here
When you start here, a part of every purchase you make goes to support Point Lookout, at no cost to you.
Search Now:
Amazon Logo
Webmasters: Add Value to Your Sites!
Webmasters, Two links in a chainadd value to your Web sites quickly and easily. Pick up the HTML to link to this article in a choice of formats.
More
Love the Work But Not the Job?
Go For It: Sometimes It's Easier If You RunAre you doing work you love? Are you less in love with the job? Bad boss, long commute, troubling ethical questions, hateful colleague? Read Go For It! Sometimes It's Easier If You Run to learn what we can do when we love the work but not the job. It helps you get moving again!
More
Are you plagued by rivalries and destructive conflicts?
101 Tips for Managing ConflictAre you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague targets of a bully? Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict. Check it out!
More
Is your change project stuck in neutral?
101 Tips for Managing ChangeAre you managing a change effort that faces rampant cynicism, passive non-cooperation, or maybe even outright revolt? Read 101 Tips for Managing Change to learn how to plan and execute your change efforts to inspire real, passionate support. Check it out!
More
Subscribe to my free newsletter
Point Lookout, a free, weekly, email newsletter, gives concrete tips and suggestions for dealing with the challenging but everyday situations we all face. Subscribe instantly or read more about it.
More
Subscribe to
A Tip A Day!
A Tip A DayA Tip a Day arrives by email each business day. It's 20 to 30 words at most, and gives you a new perspective on the hassles and rewards of work life. Most tips also contain links to related articles. Free!
More
Is your organization mired in Meeting Madness?
101 Tips for Effective MeetingsDo you ever wonder if all these meetings are really necessary? (They aren't) Or whether there isn't some better way to get this work done? (There is) Read 101 Tips for Effective Meetings to learn how to make meetings more productive — and more rare. Check it out!
More
Are You an Ace at What You Do?
Exchange your "personal trade secrets" — the tips, tricks and techniques that make you an ace — with other aces, anonymously. Visit the Library of Personal Trade Secrets.
More
Download a
catalog of services
If your teams don't yet consistently achieve state-of-the-art teamwork, check out this catalog. I can help!
More