As the meeting continued, and her task list grew, Ellie got anxious. Making any changes so close to the demonstration was risky at best. But the number and complexity of these changes meant that she would be working long hours under pressure. So she spoke up. "I'm getting a little worried," she began. "This is a lot of work, and it has to be done right or we could be in trouble."
Warner didn't miss a beat. "We'll be in bigger trouble if it doesn't get done."
Threatening was one of Warner's favorite tactics, and Ellie had had enough. So she called him on it. "Oh? What kind of trouble?"
Warner escalated. "Do you like having a job?"
Ellie and Warner were now officially in a tangle — one of the many serious consequences of using threats as a tool of influence. Their relationship had been in tatters for a while, in part because of Warner's persistent use of threats.
People use threats
because threats seem to
be extremely cheapPeople use threats because threats seem to be extremely cheap, if they work. Threats can achieve quick results for very little effort. All you have to do is deliver the threat. But the real costs are high, and they're often invisible to those who threaten.
- Eroded credibility
- To maintain the credibility of the threat tactic, occasional demonstrations are necessary. But since the goal of most threateners is influence or compliance, and since the threatened typically do comply, opportunities to carry out personal threats are rare. Over time, the threatener's credibility inevitably erodes.
- Damaged relationships
- Threats erode our sense of safety. They reduce our willingness to disclose anything that might add to our sense of fear. These conditions lead to distrust and speculation, and they make healthy relationships difficult.
- Feelings of resentment
- When threats are personal, as Ellie experienced with Warren, they can lead to resentment and an I'll-show-them attitude. For instance, the threatened might engage in conspiracies of silence or even of action. Those less comfortable with overtly destructive acts might choose passively destructive acts, such as withholding information about problems for which they aren't directly responsible.
- Decline in motivation and creativity
- People who feel threatened might begin to husband their output, reserving it for use when they need to respond to the next threat. Certainly the atmosphere on the job becomes unpleasant, and the thrills become hard to find. The threatened often adopt a get-through-the-day attitude.
If you're subjected to threats at work, and you notice the effects on your level of joy, do what you can to lift yourself above it. Recognize the emptiness of the threatener's toolkit, and resolve to find a different way to influence people yourself.
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
One form of threat people feel comfortable using is the indirect threat. The comfort comes from the ambiguity of the threat; if "caught," the threatener can claim, "Oh, I didn't mean that." Despite the indirectness, the threat is still destructive. For more on indirectness, see "The True Costs of Indirectness," Point Lookout for November 29, 2006.
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More articles on Workplace Bullying:
- Confronting the Workplace Bully: I
- When a bully targets you, you have three options: accept the abuse; avoid the bully or escape; and confront
or fight back. Confrontation is a better choice than many believe — if you know what you're doing.
- How Workplace Bullies Use OODA: II
- Workplace bullies who succeed in carrying on their activities over a long period of time are intuitive
users of Boyd's OODA model. Here's Part II of an exploration of how bullies use the model.
- Workplace Bullying and Workplace Conflict: II
- Of the tools we use to address toxic conflict, many are ineffective for ending bullying. Here's a review
of some of the tools that don't work well and why.
- The Paradox of Structure and Workplace Bullying
- Structures of all kinds — organizations, domains of knowledge, cities, whatever — are both
enabling and limiting. To gain more of the benefits of structure, while avoiding their limits, it helps
to understand this paradox and learn to recognize its effects.
- Strategy for Targets of Verbal Abuse
- Many targets of verbal abuse at work believe that they have just two strategic options: find a new job,
or accept the abuse. In some cases, they're correct. But not always.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming January 29: Higher-Velocity Problem Definition
- Typical approaches to shortening time-to-market for new products usually involve accelerating problem solving. Accelerating problem definition can also help. Available here and by RSS on January 29.
- And on February 5: Unrecognized Bullying: I
- Much workplace bullying goes unrecognized. Three reasons: (a) conventional definitions of bullying exclude much actual bullying; (b) perpetrators cleverly evade detection; and (c) cognitive biases skew our perceptions so we don't see bullying as bullying. Available here and by RSS on February 5.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.
Beware any resource that speaks of "winning" at workplace politics or "defeating" it. You can benefit or not, but there is no score-keeping, and it isn't a game.