As hugging gains increasing acceptance at work, two classes of unwanted hugs have become especially vexing. The first are unwanted hugs from well-meaning strangers. The second are ICBHs: Intercontinental Ballistic Hugs. ICBHs are usually delivered without warning, by people you might or might know, and who don't care one whit whether their hugs are welcome. I'll deal with ICBHs in a future issue.
The unwanted hug from a well-meaning stranger is problematic because the stranger means no harm. He or she probably wants to do what's expected, and simply misreads the situation. To avoid the awkward moment, we must make our preferences so clear that misreading becomes nearly impossible.
Here are three suggestions for deterring unwanted hugs by making your preferences clear. These tactics assume that you're meeting in an office or conference room. You might have to tailor these suggestions for other situations.
- Post a "Hug-Free Zone" sign
- You know, the word "Hugs" inside a red circle with a diagonal red line through it. Put it in a very prominent place. If people ask what the sign is about, you can refer them to the advice from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control about swine flu prevention. By the way, this is quite serious medical advice, and it's probably good practice for anyone who deals with large numbers of strangers.
- Say your good-byes across a desk, table, or other obstacle
- When dealing with strangers, departure is For strangers, departure is
the moment of greatest
risk of unwanted hugsthe moment of greatest risk of unwanted hugs. By extending your hand for a handshake across a relatively insurmountable obstacle, such as a desk or conference room table, you effectively eliminate the hug as an option. In rare cases, your partner will sometimes try to walk around the obstacle for a hug despite your obvious reluctance. That's your cue to move in the other direction if you can. Choose your seat initially, or re-arrange your office furniture, to avoid being cornered.
- If meeting in your office, call for re-enforcements
- If you're meeting in your office privately, as for an interview, and you're coming to the end, refrain from indicating that the meeting is ending. Arrange in advance with your assistant or a colleague that you'll phone him or her with an appropriate code phrase such as "Hello Gene, OK." That's their cue to escort the visitor out, or to a next meeting as appropriate. Make the call while still seated, and let the arrival of your guest's escort be the first indication that the meeting is ending. Then stand, and say your good-byes across a desk or other obstacle.
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More articles on Workplace Politics:
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- Prudent risk management begins by accepting the possibility that unpleasant events might actually happen.
But when organizations try to achieve goals that are a bit out of reach, they're often tempted to stretch
resources by revising or denying risks. Here's a tactic for managing risk revision.
- Communication Traps for Virtual Teams: II
- Communication can be problematic for any team, especially under pressure. But virtual teams face challenges
that are less common in face-to-face teams. Here's Part II of a little catalog with some recommendations.
- Problem Displacement and Technical Debt
- The term problem displacement describes situations in which solving one problem creates another.
It sometimes leads to incurring technical debt. How? What can we do about it?
- Narcissistic Behavior at Work: VI
- Narcissistic behavior at work distorts decisions, disrupts relationships, and generates toxic conflict.
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we examine the effects of exploiting others for personal ends.
- High Falutin' Goofy Talk: III
- Workplace speech and writing sometimes strays into the land of pretentious but overused business phrases,
which I like to call "high falutin' goofy talk." We use these phrases with perhaps less thought
than they deserve, because they can be trite or can evoke indecorous images. Here's Part III of a collection
of phrases and images to avoid.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming October 4: Self-Importance and Conversational Narcissism at Work: I
- Conversational narcissism is a set of behaviors that participants use to focus the exchange on their own self-interest rather than the shared objective. This post emphasizes the role of these behaviors in advancing a narcissist's sense of self-importance. Available here and by RSS on October 4.
- And on October 11: Self-Importance and Conversational Narcissism at Work: II
- Self-importance is one of four major themes of conversational narcissism. Knowing how to recognize the patterns of conversational narcissism is a fundamental skill needed for controlling it. Here are eight examples that emphasize self-importance. Available here and by RSS on October 11.
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Beware any resource that speaks of "winning" at workplace politics or "defeating" it. You can benefit or not, but there is no score-keeping, and it isn't a game.