So You Want the Bullying to End: II

In their efforts to end the bullying, targets who enlist the assistance of powerful people, institutions, or law enforcement might succeed, but as we saw in Part I, achieving a truly successful outcome by these means is unlikely. And retaliation and cover-up are significant possibilities. But even if the target is transferred, or the bully is terminated or transferred, or the bully is compelled to stop, the target might acquire a new bully, and the cycle can repeat.

That's pretty common, it turns out, because bullies are everywhere. But their prevalence alone isn't enough to ensure a repetition — they need to find targets. The essential point is that they can find targets, because bullies are very good at recognizing targets. Even if targets can somehow end the abuse at the hands of one bully, unless they alter their demeanor and behavior, the next bully will find them in short order.

Here are some suggestions for targets who want not only to end the bullying by the current bully, but also prevent becoming a target again.

Recognize that your behavior plays a role

Whatever you do, wherever you go, there you are. You can't get away from you. And since the current bully targeted you, the next bully will find you just as easily. It's not that you're doing anything wrong; it's that bullies search for targets of opportunity — people they can bully successfully. Something about you signals to bullies that you're a target of opportunity. Until you change that, bullies will keep finding you.

There will always be bullies wherever you go

Some targets believe that they can find employment in a company where there are no bullies. Perhaps there are such companies, but since modern science has not yet devised a means of detecting bullies before they bully, companies can't help but hire some bullies. There are bullies everywhere.

You probably aren't the bully's first target

Most bullies haveMost bullies have probably
seen most of the obvious
things people do to
end the bullying probably seen most of the obvious things people do to end the bullying. Whatever tactics you choose for ending the bullying, they're more likely to succeed if the bully has never seen them before. Be clever. Outthink the bully.

The bully will stop only if you make it painful enough

You can't talk a bully out of bullying. You can't reason with a bully about bullying. They do what they do because of pathology — a disorder. To make them stop, make it too painful or expensive for them to continue. You don't have to use tactics like theirs, but nice talk and courtesy won't do the job. Bluffing might work, but be prepared to be tested.

Most important, build and maintain a strong support network. Include people who have been bullied, and who have faced down their bullies. Seek their advice, and have the courage to follow it. First in this series   Top    Next Issue

Is a workplace bully targeting you? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just . Order Now!

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Related articles

More articles on Workplace Bullying:

When the Chair Is a Bully: I

Most meetings have chairs or "leads." Although the expression that the chair "owns" the meeting is usually innocent shorthand, some chairs actually believe that they own the meeting. This view is almost entirely destructive. What are the consequences of this attitude, and what can we do about it?

When the Chair Is a Bully: II

Assertiveness by chairs of meetings isn't a problem in itself, but it becomes problematic when the chair's dominance deprives the meeting of contributions from some of its members. Here's Part II of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.

So You Want the Bullying to End: I

If you're the target of a workplace bully, you probably want the bullying to end. If you've ever been the target of a workplace bully, you probably remember wanting it to end. But how it ends can be more important than whether or when it ends.

Manipulators Beware

When manipulators try to manipulate others, they're attempting to unscrupulously influence their targets to decide or act in some way the manipulators prefer. But some targets manage to outwit their manipulators.

Anticipatory Disappointment at Work

Disappointment is usually unpleasant, and sometimes benign. But when it occurs before we have evidence of bad news — when it is anticipatory — disappointment can be unnecessary and expensive. What is anticipatory disappointment? What are the risks?

See also Workplace Bullying and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming October 5: Downscoping Under Pressure: I

When projects overrun their budgets and/or schedules, we sometimes "downscope" to save time and money. The tactic can succeed — and fail. Three common anti-patterns involve politics, the sunk cost effect, and cognitive biases that distort estimates. Available here and by RSS on October 5.

And on October 12: Downscoping Under Pressure: II

We sometimes "downscope" projects to bring them back on budget and schedule when they're headed for overruns. Downscoping doesn't always work. Cognitive biases like the sunk cost effect and confirmation bias can distort decisions about how to downscope. Available here and by RSS on October 12.

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