
Some of us have trouble with bad news. We reject it even before we hear it, or if we do let it in, we don't let ourselves feel it fully. In part, we do this because we constantly barrage each other with negative messages and unreasonable expectations about dealing with bad news:
- You shouldn't feel so bad
- Don't be such a downer
- You're so negative
We're just as hard on ourselves about setting unreasonable standards of cheerfulness:
- He's always cheerful
- No matter how bad the situation, she's always levelheaded and positive
- Never seen him without a smile on his face or a joke at the ready
And then there's the term "feeling bad," which we often use instead of "feeling hurt." The "bad" in "feeling bad" can make us feel that the feeling itself is bad. Of course, feelings aren't good or bad, they just are, but keeping that in mind can be difficult when you've just been hammered with some bad news.
Sometimes, things get so complicated that we feel hurt or guilty about feeling bad. That can set up a trap, unless you can somehow remember that it's perfectly human to feel hurt once in a while. Feeling hurt when something bad has happened is actually good. It's positive proof that there's life on Planet You.
When we deny our pain, trouble is on the way. That's why, to be safe, I usually want to hear the bad news first. Hearing the bad news first has lots of advantages.
- Extra time to let it sink in
- Because we don't like bad news, we tend to deny it. We need extra time to deal with bad news, because we get in our own way when receiving it.
- A strong foundation for the good news
- Really working through the When we deny our pain,
trouble is on the way.bad news and the feelings that come with it is essential if you want a clear fix on reality. And you're sure to need that as you try to incorporate the good news. - Sharper focus
- Hearing the good news first can be a tempting distraction that can get in the way of really grasping the bad news.
- Better understanding of the good news
- Knowing the bad news at the time we receive the good news can help us find inconsistencies in the good news, which can save trouble later.
When I hear the bad news first, I've saved the best for last. That way, when I move on to the next crisis or the next preoccupation, I'm charged up from the good news I've just heard. Maybe that's why we eat dessert at the end of the meal. Now please pass me another piece of apple pie. Top
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Related articles
More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:
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- When we conceal information about ourselves and our areas of responsibility, we make room for others
to speculate. Speculation is rarely helpful. It's wise to fill in the blanks.
How to Deal with Holding Back
- When group members voluntarily restrict their contributions to group efforts, group success is threatened
and high performance becomes impossible. How can we reduce the incidence of holding back?
Virtual Clutter: II
- Thorough de-cluttering at work involves more than organizing equipment and those piles of documents
that tend to accumulate so mysteriously. We must also address the countless nonphysical entities that
make work life so complicated — the virtual clutter.
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- Some patterns of workplace society reduce organizational effectiveness in ways that often escape our
notice. Here are four examples.
Anticipating Absence: Internal Consulting
- Most consultants are advisors from outside the organization. But when many employees are unavailable
because of the Coronavirus pandemic, we need to find ways to access the knowledge that remains inside
the organization. Internal consulting can help.
See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness and Critical Thinking at Work for more related articles.
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