Give Me the Bad News First

Some of us have trouble with bad news. We reject it even before we hear it, or if we do let it in, we don't let ourselves feel it fully. In part, we do this because we constantly barrage each other with negative messages and unreasonable expectations about dealing with bad news:

• You shouldn't feel so bad
• Don't be such a downer
• You're so negative

We're just as hard on ourselves about setting unreasonable standards of cheerfulness:

• He's always cheerful
• No matter how bad the situation, she's always levelheaded and positive
• Never seen him without a smile on his face or a joke at the ready

And then there's the term "feeling bad," which we often use instead of "feeling hurt." The "bad" in "feeling bad" can make us feel that the feeling itself is bad. Of course, feelings aren't good or bad, they just are, but keeping that in mind can be difficult when you've just been hammered with some bad news.

Sometimes, things get so complicated that we feel hurt or guilty about feeling bad. That can set up a trap, unless you can somehow remember that it's perfectly human to feel hurt once in a while. Feeling hurt when something bad has happened is actually good. It's positive proof that there's life on Planet You.

When we deny our pain, trouble is on the way. That's why, to be safe, I usually want to hear the bad news first. Hearing the bad news first has lots of advantages.

Extra time to let it sink in

Because we don't like bad news, we tend to deny it. We need extra time to deal with bad news, because we get in our own way when receiving it.

A strong foundation for the good news

Really working through the When we deny our pain,
trouble is on the waybad news and the feelings that come with it is essential if you want a clear fix on reality. And you're sure to need that as you try to incorporate the good news.

Sharper focus

Hearing the good news first can be a tempting distraction that can get in the way of really grasping the bad news.

Better understanding of the good news

Knowing the bad news at the time we receive the good news can help us find inconsistencies in the good news, which can save trouble later.

When I hear the bad news first, I've saved the best for last. That way, when I move on to the next crisis or the next preoccupation, I'm charged up from the good news I've just heard. Maybe that's why we eat dessert at the end of the meal. Now please pass me another piece of apple pie.  Top    Next Issue

Is every other day a tense, anxious, angry misery as you watch people around you, who couldn't even think their way through a game of Jacks, win at workplace politics and steal the credit and glory for just about everyone's best work including yours? Read 303 Secrets of Workplace Politics, filled with tips and techniques for succeeding in workplace politics. More info

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:

We Are All People

When a team works to solve a problem, it is the people of that team who do the work. Remembering that we're all people — and all different people — is an important key to success.

Tangled Thread Troubles

Even when we use a facilitator to manage a discussion, managing a queue for contributors can sometimes lead to problems. Here's a little catalog of those difficulties.

Office Automation

Desktop computers, laptop computers, and tablets have automation capabilities that can transform our lives, but few of us use them. Why not? What can we do about that?

Deciding to Change: Trusting

When organizations change by choice, people who are included in the decision process understand the issues. Whether they agree with the decision or not, they participate in the decision in some way. But not everyone is included in the process. What about those who are excluded?

The Self-Explanation Effect

In the learning context, self-explanation is the act of explaining to oneself what one is learning. Self-explanation has been shown to increase the rate of acquiring mastery. The mystery is why we don't structure knowledge work to exploit this phenomenon.

See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming July 16: Responding to Unwelcome Events

Unwelcome events have two kinds of effects on decision-makers. One set of effects appears as we respond to events that have actually occurred. Another set manifests itself as we prepare for unwelcome events that haven't yet occurred, but which might occur. Making a wrong decision in either case can be costly. Available here and by RSS on July 16.

And on July 23: Microdelegation

Microdelegation is a style of delegation in which the delegator unintentionally communicates the task to the subordinate in such detail and so repetitively that the subordinate is offended. As a result of this delegation style, many subordinates feel distrusted or suspected of fraud or goldbricking. Available here and by RSS on July 23.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenaXXxGCwVgbgLZDuRner@ChacDjdMAATPdDNJnrSwoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info