Communication templates are patterns that we all know and use together. When we initiate a communication using a recognized template, we expect responses within the bounds of that template. Most communication templates are innocuous — you can review some examples in "Communication Templates: I," Point Lookout for February 6, 2008.
And then there are the less innocuous communication templates. They create problems both for the initiator and the responder, though the problems are different for each.
For example, when one person insults another, many regard an equally insulting reply as "justified," whether or not returning another insult would be constructive in that context. The initiator's problem is the received insult; the responder's problem is that a reflexive insulting response might be less effective than a more diplomatic and powerful alternative.
Here are three examples of communication templates that are generally destructive.
- Anger in email
- The sender creates and sends an angry, snide, or abusive message; the recipient responds in kind. Back and forth they go, escalating in tone and risk.
- As either sender or recipient, making a phone call or a personal visit would be far more constructive. If that isn't possible, arranging one by email is a second-best choice. As the recipient, another option is ignoring the message, if it can be ignored. If the message is part of a pattern of sender-initiated angry exchanges, seek advice from your superiors. What if the sender is your superior? That will have to be another article.
- Excluding someone from a meeting or conversation in an obvious manner conveys a message. Within the template, the excluded fights to be included, or retaliates with a similar exclusion move, or accepts lowered status.
- Rarely does the excluded approach the excluder to talk about hurt feelings, or the harm to the organization or degraded morale. Although analogous conversations among peer confidants can be soothing, they're usually ineffective. On the other hand, almost any action taken by bystanders, on behalf of the excluded, would be helpful. When bystanders fail to act, they give the excluder a free pass to use the tactic again.
- Power flaunting
- Destructive communication
templates create problems
both for the initiator and
the responder, though
the problems are
different for each
- Reminding those over whom we have organizational power that we can exercise that power can be a form of threat. The subordinate role in this template is one of deference. We defer, we placate, we hide and we deliver only the good news.
- Power flaunting encourages slavish devotion and concealment of truth. It discourages risk taking, creativity, innovation, proactive damage control, and questioning the status quo. In organizational terms, it is one of the more expensive templates in use. Remaining in organizations where power flaunting is common is career-risky. Supervisors who notice power flaunting among subordinates would do well to intervene.
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
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More articles on Effective Communication at Work:
- Saying No
- When we have to say "no" to customers or to people in power, we're often tempted to placate
with a "yes." There's a better way: learn how to say "no" in a way that moves the
group toward joint problem solving.
- Nasty Questions: I
- Some of the questions we ask each other aren't intended to elicit information from the respondent. Rather,
they're poorly disguised attacks intended to harm the respondent politically, and advance the questioner's
political agenda. Here's part one a catalog of some favorite tactics.
- Have a Program, Not Just an Agenda
- In the modern organization, it's common to have meetings in which some people have never met —
and some never will. For these meetings, which are often telemeetings, an agenda isn't enough. You need
- What, Why, and How
- When solving problems, groups frequently get stuck in circular debate. Positions harden even before
the issue is clear. Here's a framework for exploration that can sharpen thinking and focus the group.
- High Falutin' Goofy Talk: II
- Speech and writing at work are sometimes little more than high falutin' goofy talk, filled with puff
phrases of unknown meaning and pretentious, tired images. Here's Part II of a collection of phrases
and images to avoid.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming August 28: Playing at Work
- Eight hours a day — usually more — of meetings, phone calls, reading and writing email and text messages, briefing others or being briefed, is enough to drive anyone around the bend. To re-energize, to clarify one's perspective, and to restore creative capacity, play is essential. Play at work, I mean. Available here and by RSS on August 28.
- And on September 4: How Messages Get Mixed
- Although most authors of mixed messages don't intend to be confusing, message mixing does happen. One of the most fascinating mixing mechanisms occurs in the mind of the recipient of the message. Available here and by RSS on September 4.
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- The Race to the South Pole: Lessons in Leadership
- On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached
the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the
race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical
drama, why this happened is interesting enough. But to organizational leaders, business analysts, project
sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. We'll use the history of this event to explore
lessons in leadership and its application to organizational efforts. A fascinating and refreshing look
at leadership from the vantage point of history. Read
more about this program. Here's a date for this program:
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio
44017: November 7,
Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio 44017: November 7, Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
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