The Ups and Downs of American Handshakes: II

Here's Part II of a little catalog of guidelines for handshake greetings in the USA. Read Part I.

Lock hands

Lock hands with your partner, with the web connecting your thumb and index finger meeting theirs. Close your fingers around the bottom edge of your partner's palm. Grasping just their fingers, or offering just your own fingers, can feel like a put-down. Preventing web-web contact by keeping your thumb in your palm is called a "dead fish handshake." It's decidedly offensive.

Pump once or twice

Pump up and down once or twice, for at most two or three seconds. Pumping more than twice risks appearing foolish, over-eager, or obsequious.

Know when not to hold on

Holding your partner's hand after the pumps are finished, usually while talking, can be affectionate and warm, if you know the person well. It can also be a dominance tactic. Use with extreme care.

Use firm pressure

Hold your partner's hand with firm pressure, but not painfully so. Strong people must take care. Too little pressure communicates weakness or timidity.

Withhold comment

If your partner uses an extremely strong or weak grip, or has cold or sweaty hands, or doesn't want to shake hands, or breaks any of the "rules," let it pass. There might be a good reason: arthritis, poison ivy, or goodness knows what.

Don't wipe your hand

Wiping your hand Accompanying
touch is riskybefore or after shaking hands can offend. Even if you have good reason, such as sweaty palms or wet hands, some might feel offense.

Accompanying touch is risky

The two-handed handshake, or touching your partner's right arm with your left hand during the handshake, can be seen as affectionate if you know each other well. Otherwise, it can be a dominance gesture, which might offend.

Smile, but not too much

A nice smile is usually welcome, but a broad, long-lived grin can seem ingratiating or foolish unless you know each other well.

Take deformities and disabilities in stride

If your partner can't use his or her right hand, or if it is missing or deformed, the left hand will do just as well. If you know in advance that the right hand is unavailable, and the left is, use your left. If your right hand is already extended, use it and make the best of it. If neither of your partner's hands is available, a warm touch might be welcome. Use your judgment: a warm smile is nearly always safe.

If your right hand is unavailable

If you can't use your right hand, offer your left. Offering early might save your partner some embarrassment, but that's up to you. If neither of your hands is available, a warm smile and a nod will do nicely.

Declining to shake hands has costs — it can offend. You can decline, but do offer an explanation. First in this series   Top    Next Issue

Is every other day a tense, anxious, angry misery as you watch people around you, who couldn't even think their way through a game of Jacks, win at workplace politics and steal the credit and glory for just about everyone's best work including yours? Read 303 Secrets of Workplace Politics, filled with tips and techniques for succeeding in workplace politics. More info

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:

Let Me Finish, Please

We use meetings to exchange information and to explore complex issues. In open discussion, we tend to interrupt each other. Interruptions can be disruptive, distracting, funny, essential, and frustratingly common. What can we do to limit interruptions without depriving ourselves of their benefits?

Problem-Solving Ambassadors

In dispersed teams, we often hold meetings to which we send delegations to work out issues of mutual interest. These working sessions are a mix of problem solving and negotiation. People who are masters of both are problem-solving ambassadors, and they're especially valuable to dispersed or global teams.

Illusory Incentives

Although the theory of incentives at work is changing rapidly, its goal generally remains helping employers obtain more output at lower cost. Here are some neglected effects that tend to limit the chances of achieving that goal.

Just-In-Time Hoop-Jumping

Securing approvals for projects, proposals, or other efforts is often called "jumping through hoops." Hoop-jumping can be time-consuming and frustrating. Here are some suggestions for jumping through hoops efficiently.

Paradoxical Policies: II

Because projects are inherently unique, constructing general organizational policies affecting projects is difficult. The urge to treat projects as if they were operations compounds the difficulty. Here's a collection of policies for projects that would be funny if they weren't real.

See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness and Effective Communication at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming December 18: The Trap of Beautiful Language

As we assess the validity of others' statements, we risk making a characteristically human error — we confuse the beauty of their language with the reliability of its meaning. We're easily thrown off by alliteration, anaphora, epistrophe, and chiasmus. Available here and by RSS on December 18.

And on December 25: Disjoint Awareness

In collaborations, awareness of how our own work might interfere with the work of others is essential. Unless our awareness of others' work — and their awareness of ours — matches reality, the collaboration's objective is at risk. Available here and by RSS on December 25.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenmhXARWRMUvVyOdHlner@ChacxgDmtwOKrxnripPCoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info

Public seminars

The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power

Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.