Confronting the Workplace Bully: II

Workplace bullies select targets carefully, focusing on those who can't or won't fight back, because bullies fear counterattacks. If you've been targeted, the bully probably believes you won't fight back, and, paradoxically, that's the key to successful confrontation. Here is Part II of our series on confronting the workplace bully, including six tips for managing an effective confrontation. See "Confronting the Workplace Bully: I," Point Lookout for February 3, 2010, for more.

Have a clear objective

You probably can't "fix" or instruct or improve the bully, because you haven't been asked to. But you can force the bully to find another target, or at least, cease targeting you. That is a clear, achievable objective.

It can't be achieved in one dramatic incident. Prepare for a campaign — a series of small face-offs.

Rely on strategic surprise

As you begin formulating a campaign, you'll feel an urge to counterattack immediately in small ways. Resist the urge. Bullies sense these changes. If you counterattack before you're really ready, the bully can prepare for whatever you finally decide to do.

Strategic surprise is a significant advantage. Maintain the posture of a helpless target until you can suddenly apply overwhelming force. See "Biological Mimicry and Workplace Bullying," Point Lookout for March 31, 2010, for more.

Most workplace bullying is psychological, not physical

While physical bullying does occur, most workplace bullying is psychological, consisting of rumors, lies, shunning, innuendo, exclusion, humiliation, shouting, insults, and more. Avoid physical confrontation, because criminal charges are likely.

Tactics for effective counterattacks depend on the tactics of the bully. Choose an approach at which you're more skilled — or can become more skilled — than the bully is.

In private, initiate; in public, respond

In each As you begin formulating a
campaign of counterattack,
you'll feel an urge to counter-
attack immediately in small
ways. Resist the urge.confrontation incident, choose between initiating and responding. In private, initiating the confrontation is a powerful display of confidence and courage. Without witnesses, you have more tactical freedom. In public, wait to be attacked, and respond powerfully.

If you counterattack in public without provocation, you might seem yourself to be a bully. Provocation by the bully is essential to success in public counterattacks.

Choose a favorable setting

Choose the setting for counterattacks carefully. The most favorable setting is either private or one in which most onlookers are hostile to the bully.

Don't expect open demonstrations of support, because bullies make such demonstrations risky for your supporters. All you need is a few witnesses who are willing to say that the bully provoked you, and that you acted reasonably.

In attack, be cool

Screaming, tears, and other expressions of emotion reduce your chances of success. A cool, deliberative posture says, "I enjoy making trouble for you, because you've made so much trouble for me." It shows that you can carry out your plan for as long as necessary.

The goal of counterattack is to demonstrate that bullying you will be an expensive, painful affair. Coolness emphasizes and supports that message.

All these ideas work better if you believe in yourself. That is the place to begin. You can do it. First in this series   Top    Next Issue

Is a workplace bully targeting you? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just . Order Now!

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More articles on Workplace Bullying:

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If you're the target of a workplace bully, ending the bullying can be an elusive goal. Here are some guidelines for tactics to bring it to a close.

Judging Others

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On Gratuitous Harshness

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See also Workplace Bullying and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming December 13: Contrary Indicators of Psychological Safety: I

To take the risks that learning and practicing new ways require, we all need a sense that trial-and-error approaches are safe. Organizations seeking to improve processes would do well to begin by assessing their level of psychological safety. Available here and by RSS on December 13.

And on December 20: Contrary Indicators of Psychological Safety: II

When we begin using new tools or processes, we make mistakes. Practice is the cure, but practice can be scary if the grace period for early mistakes is too short. For teams adopting new methods, psychological safety is a fundamental component of success. Available here and by RSS on December 20.

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