Workplace bullies select targets carefully, focusing on those who can't or won't fight back, because bullies fear counterattacks. If you've been targeted, the bully probably believes you won't fight back, and, paradoxically, that's the key to successful confrontation. Here is Part II of our series on confronting the workplace bully, including six tips for managing an effective confrontation. See "Confronting the Workplace Bully: I," Point Lookout for February 3, 2010, for more.
- Have a clear objective
- You probably can't "fix" or instruct or improve the bully, because you haven't been asked to. But you can force the bully to find another target, or at least, cease targeting you. That is a clear, achievable objective.
- It can't be achieved in one dramatic incident. Prepare for a campaign — a series of small face-offs.
- Rely on strategic surprise
- As you begin formulating a campaign, you'll feel an urge to counterattack immediately in small ways. Resist the urge. Bullies sense these changes. If you counterattack before you're really ready, the bully can prepare for whatever you finally decide to do.
- Strategic surprise is a significant advantage. Maintain the posture of a helpless target until you can suddenly apply overwhelming force. See "Biological Mimicry and Workplace Bullying," Point Lookout for March 31, 2010, for more.
- Most workplace bullying is psychological, not physical
- While physical bullying does occur, most workplace bullying is psychological, consisting of rumors, lies, shunning, innuendo, exclusion, humiliation, shouting, insults, and more. Avoid physical confrontation, because criminal charges are likely.
- Tactics for effective counterattacks depend on the tactics of the bully. Choose an approach at which you're more skilled — or can become more skilled — than the bully is.
- In private, initiate; in public, respond
- In each As you begin formulating a
campaign of counterattack,
you'll feel an urge to counter-
attack immediately in small
ways. Resist the urge.confrontation incident, choose between initiating and responding. In private, initiating the confrontation is a powerful display of confidence and courage. Without witnesses, you have more tactical freedom. In public, wait to be attacked, and respond powerfully.
- If you counterattack in public without provocation, you might seem yourself to be a bully. Provocation by the bully is essential to success in public counterattacks.
- Choose a favorable setting
- Choose the setting for counterattacks carefully. The most favorable setting is either private or one in which most onlookers are hostile to the bully.
- Don't expect open demonstrations of support, because bullies make such demonstrations risky for your supporters. All you need is a few witnesses who are willing to say that the bully provoked you, and that you acted reasonably.
- In attack, be cool
- Screaming, tears, and other expressions of emotion reduce your chances of success. A cool, deliberative posture says, "I enjoy making trouble for you, because you've made so much trouble for me." It shows that you can carry out your plan for as long as necessary.
- The goal of counterattack is to demonstrate that bullying you will be an expensive, painful affair. Coolness emphasizes and supports that message.
Are you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99. Order Now!
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More articles on Workplace Bullying:
- Some Truths About Lies: II
- Knowing when someone else is lying doesn't make you a more ethical person, but it sure can be an advantage
if you want to stay out of trouble. Here's Part II of a catalog of techniques misleaders use.
- Deniable Intimidation
- Some people achieve or maintain power by intimidating others in deniable ways. Too often, when intimidators
succeed, their success rests in part on our unwillingness to resist, or on our lack of skill. By understanding
their tactics, and by preparing responses, we can deter intimidators.
- How Targets of Bullies Can Use OODA: II
- To make the bullying stop, many targets of bullies try to defend themselves. But defense alone is not
sufficient — someone must make the bully stop. That's why counterattack is much more likely
- See No Bully, Hear No Bully
- Supervisors of bullies sometimes are unaware of bullying activity in their organizations. Here's a collection
of indicators for supervisors who suspect bullying but who haven't witnessed it directly.
- Seventeen Guidelines About Workplace Bullying
- Bullying is a complex social pattern. Thinking clearly about bullying is difficult in the moment because
our emotions can distract us. Here are some short insights about bullying that are easy to remember
in the moment.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming April 24: Big, Complicated Problems
- Big, complicated problems can be difficult to solve. Even contemplating them can be daunting. But we can survive them if we get advice we can trust, know our resources, recall solutions to past problems, find workarounds, or as a last resort, escape. Available here and by RSS on April 24.
- And on May 1: Full Disclosure
- The term "full disclosure" is now a fairly common phrase, especially in news interviews and in film and fiction thrillers involving government employees or attorneys. It also has relevance in the knowledge workplace, and nuances associated with it can affect your credibility. Available here and by RSS on May 1.
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