Confronting the Workplace Bully: I

It's easy to find studies of workplace bullies — classifying them, measuring their prevalence, describing their tactics, and estimating their cost to employers. It's more difficult to learn how to cope with bullies. So let's look at that: you're targeted. Now what?

Some recommend reasoning with bullies, using approaches similar to those used for ordinary conflict. I don't advise this. Bullying is not about ordinary conflict between two people. Bullying is abuse. Bullying is the exercise of power to inflict pain and suffering. Bullies do not adjust their behavior on the basis of negotiation.

The two most effective strategies for dealing with a bully who has targeted you are Fight and Flight. In the Fight strategy, you engage with or confront the bully, possibly with the assistance of higher authority. In the Flight strategy, you avoid the bully, or leave the organization. If you can't adopt either of these strategies, Misery is your fate, until the bully chooses another target. Since misery is unacceptable, let's look more closely at Fight first. We'll examine Flight in future issues.

Here are three tips for preparing to confront workplace bullies successfully.

Know your capabilities

Bullies are experts at finding targets who won't fight back. If you've been targeted, the bully probably believes that you either can't or won't fight back.

If you're unsure about prevailing in a confrontation, don't attempt confrontation; learn how to confront first. You'll probably need help. Find a coach or adviser, or seek intervention by a higher authority. Probe your network for any information about the bully that will help you in confronting the bully. Take care though: most officials at work believe they owe their first loyalty to your employer. Their loyalty to you is usually second.

Know what you're willing to do

If the bully believes that you're unwilling to fight back, and if you really are unwilling to fight back, deal with that reluctance first. If you choose to confront the bully, and the suite of tactics acceptable to you is limited, you can be certain that the bully will act so as to test your limits.

Successful confrontation with a bully might require some relaxation of your constraints. Either learn to relax those constraints, or learn to avoid triggering them. Once the confrontation begins, the bully will surely test your constraints.

Know the law

With regard If the bully believes that
you're unwilling to fight
back, and if you really are
unwilling to fight back,
deal with that
reluctance firstto bullies, legal protections in most jurisdictions are usually limited to physical acts — assaults and battery — though some jurisdictions do also provide protection from harassment. If you fight back with legal action against either the bully or your employer, you'll need willing witnesses and evidence.

Witnesses can be difficult to find, because testifying often entails risk of losing one's job. Recordings (video or audio) are helpful if you can create them in a manner that makes them admissible as evidence.

In Part II, we'll examine strategies directly related to actual confrontation.   Next issue in this series   Top    Next Issue

Is a workplace bully targeting you? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just . Order Now!

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Related articles

More articles on Workplace Bullying:

When You're the Target of a Bully

Workplace bullies are probably the organization's most expensive employees. They reduce the effectiveness not only of their targets, but also of bystanders and of the organization as a whole. What can you do if you become a target?

When the Chair Is a Bully: II

Assertiveness by chairs of meetings isn't a problem in itself, but it becomes problematic when the chair's dominance deprives the meeting of contributions from some of its members. Here's Part II of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.

Look Where You Aren't Looking

Being blindsided by an adverse event could indicate the event's sudden, unexpected development. It can also indicate a failure to anticipate what could have been reasonably anticipated. How can we improve our ability to prepare for adverse events?

Strategies of Verbal Abusers

Verbal abuse at work has special properties, because it takes place in an environment in which verbal abuse is supposedly proscribed. Yet verbal abuse does happen at work. Here are three strategies abusers rely on to avoid disciplinary action.

Online Ethics

The array of media for exchanging our thoughts in text has created new opportunities for acting unethically. Cyberbullying is one well-known example. But sending text is just one way to cross the line ethically. Here are some examples of alternatives.

See also Workplace Bullying and Workplace Bullying for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming December 11: White Water Rafting as a Metaphor for Group Development

Tuckman's model of small group development, best known as "Forming-Storming-Norming-Performing," applies better to development of some groups than to others. We can use a metaphor to explore how the model applies to Storming in task-oriented work groups. Available here and by RSS on December 11.

And on December 18: Subgrouping and Conway's Law

When task-oriented work groups address complex tasks, they might form subgroups to address subtasks. The structure of the subgroups and the order in which they form depend on the structure of the group's task and the sequencing of the subtasks. Available here and by RSS on December 18.

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