The word cliché can have a negative connotation — it can mean trite, shopworn, or empty. But clichés are important in daily life. If every word we spoke had to be creative and original, we'd run out of energy much earlier in the day, and we'd misinterpret each other even more often than we do.
Still, clichés do have a dark side. The more hurtful of them can become so familiar that we use them too frequently, because we forget how much they can sting. Here's Part II of my little collection of hurtful clichés. See "Hurtful Clichés: I," Point Lookout for July 13, 2005, for more.
| Am I clear? | Also: Are we clear? or, Clear? | Heard as: A command to say "Yes sir" or "Yes ma'm," as appropriate. | This is a question that really isn't a question. It's a threat. Threats have no place at work. |
| He's got (way) too much time on his hands | Also: Get a life | Heard as: What he has done is of no value. | This is an attack not only on the work that was done, but also on the wisdom of its author for having chosen to do that work. Raising questions about something so basic demeans the person as well, and erodes relationships. |
| What seems to be the problem? | Heard as: You think (incorrectly) that something is wrong. | Without actually conceding that there's a problem, the speaker is inquiring about the nature of the difficulty. Any progress begins with honoring your partner's perspective. Until your partner feels understood, you have little chance of moving forward. | |
| Do you believe everything you hear? | Heard as: You're either stupid, or naïve, or maybe both. | Clichés make life easier but we must take careHere the speaker uses a variant of the Straw Man rhetorical fallacy (see "Decision Making and the Straw Man," Point Lookout for February 11, 2004) to ridicule the listeners' responses to what they heard. | Ridicule is toxic. There's no good way to gauge the gullibility of others, and it's usually irrelevant. |
| Can I make my point by asking myself a question and then answering it? Yes, absolutely. | Heard as: I can handle both sides of this conversation — your puny little mind is totally extraneous. | Some experience this technique as patronizing in the extreme. Although the arrogance of this approach is evident, it also sends a subtler message that the speaker is unwilling to permit the listener to frame the question. | Be direct. For instance, convert this: "Can we see the end? Not yet, but we're turning the corner," to this: "We can't yet see the end, but we're turning the corner." |
| I've been wondering when you'd bring that up | Heard as: I'm so prescient that I anticipated your obvious point. And your point, though obvious, is insignificant. | Dismissing the intellect or contributions of your partner undermines the chance of achieving fruitful collaboration. | Better to address the point directly, without the commentary. |
Many of the hurtful clichés in common use became famous from popular films or TV shows, or because a famous person used them. Watch for these; notice how fast the new ones propagate. Ask yourself how appropriate such clichés are in the work environment. Is there not a better way to connect with your colleagues? 
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We sometimes use clichés as a means of achieving indirectness; indeed, that's one reason why phrases become clichés. For more on indirectness see "The True Costs of Indirectness," Point Lookout for November 29, 2006.
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Related articles
More articles on Workplace Bullying:
Responding to Threats: II- When an exchange between individuals, or between an individual and a group, goes wrong, threats often
are either the cause or part of the results. If we know how to deal with threats — and how to
avoid and prevent them — we can help keep communications creative and constructive.
Biological Mimicry and Workplace Bullying- When targets of bullies decide to stand up to their bullies, to end the harassment, they frequently
act before they're really ready. Here's a metaphor that explains the value of waiting for the right
time to act.
Meeting Bullies: Advice for Chairs- Bullying in meetings is difficult to address, because intervention in the moment is inherently public.
When bullying happens in meetings, what can you do?
On Gratuitous Harshness- Rejecting with gratuitous harshness the contributions of others can be an expensive pattern to tolerate
— or to indulge. Understanding how the costs arise and what factors exacerbate them is the first
step to controlling the pattern.
Bullying by Proxy: II- Bullying by proxy occurs when A bullies B at the behest of C. Organizational control of bullying by
proxy is difficult, in part, because C's contribution is covert. Policies that control overt bullying
are less effective at controlling bullying by proxy.
See also Workplace Bullying, Emotions at Work and Conflict Management for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
Coming July 3: Additive bias…or Not: II- Additive bias is a cognitive bias that many believe contributes to bloat of commercial products. When we change products to make them more capable, additive bias might not play a role, because economic considerations sometimes favor additive approaches. Available here and by RSS on July 3.
And on July 10: On Delegating Accountability: I- As the saying goes, "You can't delegate your own accountability." Despite wide knowledge of this aphorism, people try it from time to time, especially when overcome by the temptation of a high-risk decision. What can you delegate, and how can you do it? Available here and by RSS on July 10.
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