The word cliché can have a negative connotation — it can mean trite, shopworn, or empty. But clichés are important in daily life. If every word we spoke had to be creative and original, we'd run out of energy much earlier in the day, and we'd misinterpret each other even more often than we do.
Still, clichés do have a dark side. The more hurtful of them can become so familiar that we use them too frequently, because we forget how much they can sting. Here's Part II of my little collection of hurtful clichés. See "Hurtful Clichés: I," Point Lookout for July 13, 2005, for more.
| Am I clear? | Also: Are we clear? or, Clear? | Heard as: A command to say "Yes sir" or "Yes ma'm," as appropriate. | This is a question that really isn't a question. It's a threat. Threats have no place at work. |
| He's got (way) too much time on his hands | Also: Get a life | Heard as: What he has done is of no value. | This is an attack not only on the work that was done, but also on the wisdom of its author for having chosen to do that work. Raising questions about something so basic demeans the person as well, and erodes relationships. |
| What seems to be the problem? | Heard as: You think (incorrectly) that something is wrong. | Without actually conceding that there's a problem, the speaker is inquiring about the nature of the difficulty. Any progress begins with honoring your partner's perspective. Until your partner feels understood, you have little chance of moving forward. | |
| Do you believe everything you hear? | Heard as: You're either stupid, or naïve, or maybe both. | Clichés make life easier but we must take careHere the speaker uses a variant of the Straw Man rhetorical fallacy (see "Decision Making and the Straw Man," Point Lookout for February 11, 2004) to ridicule the listeners' responses to what they heard. | Ridicule is toxic. There's no good way to gauge the gullibility of others, and it's usually irrelevant. |
| Can I make my point by asking myself a question and then answering it? Yes, absolutely. | Heard as: I can handle both sides of this conversation — your puny little mind is totally extraneous. | Some experience this technique as patronizing in the extreme. Although the arrogance of this approach is evident, it also sends a subtler message that the speaker is unwilling to permit the listener to frame the question. | Be direct. For instance, convert this: "Can we see the end? Not yet, but we're turning the corner," to this: "We can't yet see the end, but we're turning the corner." |
| I've been wondering when you'd bring that up | Heard as: I'm so prescient that I anticipated your obvious point. And your point, though obvious, is insignificant. | Dismissing the intellect or contributions of your partner undermines the chance of achieving fruitful collaboration. | Better to address the point directly, without the commentary. |
Many of the hurtful clichés in common use became famous from popular films or TV shows, or because a famous person used them. Watch for these; notice how fast the new ones propagate. Ask yourself how appropriate such clichés are in the work environment. Is there not a better way to connect with your colleagues? 
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We sometimes use clichés as a means of achieving indirectness; indeed, that's one reason why phrases become clichés. For more on indirectness see "The True Costs of Indirectness," Point Lookout for November 29, 2006.
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Related articles
More articles on Workplace Bullying:
When the Chair Is a Bully: III- When the chair of the meeting is so dominant that attendees withhold comments or slant contributions
to please the chair, meeting output is at risk of corruption. Because chairs usually can retaliate against
attendees who aren't "cooperative," this problem is difficult to address. Here's Part III
of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.
Strategies of Verbal Abusers- Verbal abuse at work has special properties, because it takes place in an environment in which verbal
abuse is supposedly proscribed. Yet verbal abuse does happen at work. Here are three strategies abusers
rely on to avoid disciplinary action.
Judging Others- Being "judgmental" is a stance most people recognize as transgressing beyond widely accepted
social norms. But what's the harm in judging others? And why do so many people do it so often?
Even "Isolated Incidents" Can Be Bullying- Many organizations have anti-bullying policies that address only repeated patterns of interpersonal
aggression. Such definitions expose the organization and its people to the harmful effects of "isolated
incidents" of interpersonal aggression, because even isolated incidents can be bullying.
We Can 'Moneyball' Bullying- Capturing data about incidents of bullying is helpful in creating awareness of the problem. But it's
like trying to drive a car by looking only in the rearview mirror. Forward-looking data that predicts
bullying incidents is also necessary.
See also Workplace Bullying for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
Coming July 9: On Being Seriously Funny at Work- Humor is such a valuable tool at work that it ought to be recognized as an official contribution by team members who provide the laughs that keep some teams from auto-destructing. Even if you're not known for bringing the funny, there are a few simple techniques that can change your image. Available here and by RSS on July 9.
- And on July 16: Responding to Unwelcome Events
- Unwelcome events have two kinds of effects on decision-makers. One set of effects appears as we respond to events that have actually occurred. Another set manifests itself as we prepare for unwelcome events that haven't yet occurred, but which might occur. Making a wrong decision in either case can be costly. Available here and by RSS on July 16.
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