As we saw last time, overtalking is expensive. It reduces the productivity of meetings, it intimidates people into withholding their contributions, and it enhances the risk of toxic conflict, which can permanently disrupt relationships. Let's now examine how we can prevent overtalking, and how we can intervene when it occurs.
I'll use the name Oscar to stand for the person who engages in overtalking. And I'll assume that the meeting in question is one in which more or less the same group meets repeatedly. Here's a short list of actions we can take.
- Adopt behavioral norms
- Adopt norms of behavior that preclude overtalking. Mention overtalking explicitly, saying that it is a deprecated behavior pattern.
- Recognize that overtalking is a performance issue
- Treating overtalking as a performance issue is a short path to an effective resolution — if a resolution is accessible at all. Have a private conversation with Oscar. If that doesn't work, ask Oscar's supervisor for assistance. If that doesn't work, ask your own supervisor to deal with Oscar's supervisor. If that doesn't work, the chances of improvement depend on the behavior of the rest of the group.
- Ask for help
- Ask Oscar for Treating overtalking as a
performance issue is a short
path to an effective
resolution — if a resolution
is accessible at allhelp in encouraging other meeting attendees to contribute. Explain that he can help by leaving space for others to contribute. If the overtalking comes from a place of eager earnestness, this tactic could be effective. If, on the other hand, the overtalking is a tactic employed to gain unfair advantage, or to abuse others, respectful requests for Oscar's help will likely fail.
- Recognize that others play roles too
- Dealing with problem behavior is everyone's responsibility. If overtalking has been effective for Oscar for some time, other attendees probably have contributed, either by not finding an effective way to deal with Oscar, or by not trying to deal with Oscar, or worse, by taking actions that exacerbated the situation. Have private conversations with those most willing to change. Suggest that if they ever feel that anyone else is overtalking when they're trying to speak, they can then ask the chair (or facilitator) to ask for order.
- Most meetings do have someone in a designated facilitator role. If there isn't a formal facilitator, the meeting chair is the facilitator. Ensuring that the meeting is productive is the facilitator's responsibility. Because overtalking reduces productivity, the facilitator is responsible for intervening when overtalking occurs. When it occurs, the facilitator can say, "Excuse me Oscar, <someone-else's-name> has the floor." If Oscar continues overtalking, the facilitator can repeat the intervention. If Oscar continues after that, adjourn the meeting immediately, and take the steps described above for performance issues. If you can't adjourn, declare a ten-minute break, but adjournment is far safer.
Overtalking is generally unpleasant in non-overtalking cultures. Unpleasant though it might be, keeping your focus on the productivity you can gain by eliminating overtalking can help motivate you as you work through the problem. Next in this seriesFirst in this series Top Next Issue
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
Your comments are welcomeWould you like to see your comments posted here? rbrengMMggEBdgBnDoMimner@ChacrSMQbhGqBUlFlutHoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.
About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
More articles on Conflict Management:
- You and I
- In tense discussions, the language we use often contributes to the tension. If we can transform the
statements we make about each other into statements about ourselves, we can eliminate an important source
of tension and stress.
- Virtual Termination with Real Respect
- When we have to terminate someone who works at a remote site, sometimes there's a temptation to avoid
travel — to use email, phone, fax, or something else. They're all bad ideas. Terminating people
in person is not only a gesture of respect. It's good business.
- Bemused Detachment
- Much of the difficulty between people at work is avoidable if only we can find ways to slow down our
responses to each other. When we hurry, we react without thinking. Here's a suggestion for increasing
comity by slowing down.
- Handling Heat: I
- Heated exchanges in meetings are expensive to both the organizational mission and to the careers of
the meeting's participants. Preventing them — or dealing with them when they happen — is
everyone's job. But what can you do when they persist?
- Creating Toxic Conflict: II
- Some supervisors seem to behave as if part of their job description is creating toxic conflict among
their subordinates. It isn't really, of course, but here's a collection of methods bad managers use
that make trouble.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming November 14: The Goal Is Not the Path
- Sometimes, when reaching a goal is more difficult than we thought at first, instead of searching for another way to get there, we adjust the goal. There are alternatives. Available here and by RSS on November 14.
- And on November 21: Make Suggestions Privately
- Suggesting a better way of doing things can sometimes backfire surprisingly and intensely. Making suggestions privately reduces that risk, but introduces a different risk. Available here and by RSS on November 21.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenEwoOMOeVVweJjdEcner@ChacOGQHteEGFOKsPzJMoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the ebook!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
- Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, USD 28.99)
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.