Point Lookout: a free weekly publication of Chaco Canyon Consulting
Volume 17, Issue 3;   January 18, 2017: On Differences and Disagreements

On Differences and Disagreements

by

When we disagree, it helps to remember that our differences often seem more marked than they really are. Here are some hints for finding a path back to agreement.
Many different viewpoints make for many different choices

Many different viewpoints make for many different choices

Usually, there's more than one way to convert disagreement into agreement. Choosing one can be tricky, though, because we so rarely appreciate all of what separates us or what distinguishes our views. Here's a collection of insights that might help find a path from disagreement to agreement.

  • If I don't think I can explain it to a child, maybe I don't fully understand it.
  • If it's urgent, go slow.
  • Accountability and blame are two very different things.
  • The problem is not the problem. The coping is the problem. — Virginia Satir
  • Questions are usually just questions. Even when they're counter-arguments in disguise, they're still opportunities for giving great answers.
  • When people I work with closely get into tangles, I'm probably involved in at least a minor way. Minor might still be significant.
  • In tangles, everyone has a role. Being a spectator is a role.
  • The person we all acknowledge as being involved in the trouble is only the person we're all willing to acknowledge. There are certainly others.
  • We probably aren't the first people in the world to get into this particular fix.
  • Our differences in this situation might contain echoes of our differences in another situation. Maybe one key to this situation lies in the other one. Unlocking this one might require more than one key.
  • Although there are some people at work who are actually trying to harm others, they are so rare that I probably don't know anyone like that.
  • The number of people who hold a particular belief isn't an indication of the correctness of that belief.
  • When I say something I later regret, I'm usually repeating a previous error.
  • For resolving differences, face-to-face is best. Phone-to-phone is next best. Voicemail is nuts. Anything involving a keyboard is totally nuts.
  • Nobody has an accurate view of everything. I might be mistaken on this.
  • There is almost always more than one way out.
  • When I think there is only one way out, I probably haven't thought about it enough.
  • When I Differences and disagreements
    are the doorways to growth
    think I've thought about it enough, and I still don't have a way out, I'm probably just tired. I take a break and try again later.
  • If I think I don't know what I want, maybe going for what I really want is too scary.
  • I can consider what to do about an unpleasant possibility without accepting that unpleasant possibility as inevitable.
  • I can't actually unsee what I've seen.
  • I can see in new ways things I've already seen in old ways.
  • I can see for the first time things I've never seen before.
  • I can see something for the first time only once.
  • I can't unlearn what I've learned, but I can learn what I haven't yet learned.
  • When somebody else seems to be trying mightily to make things worse, maybe I don't fully grasp what he or she is trying to accomplish.

This collection is a work in progress. ChacoCanyon.com. I'm always interested. Go to top Top  Next issue: How to Get Out of Firefighting Mode: I  Next Issue

101 Tips for Managing Conflict Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!

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Related articles

More articles on Conflict Management:

A gray wolf. Animosity between wolves helps ensure balance.Animosity Patterns
Animosity between two people at work is often attributed to "personality clashes." While sometimes people can't get along, animosity can also be a tool for accomplishing strictly political ends. Here's a short catalog of some of its uses.
Spanish Walking Stick insect (Leptynia hispanica)Pariah Professions: II
In some organizations entire professions are regarded as pariahs — outsiders. They're expected to perform functions that the organization does need, but their relationships with others in the organization are strained at best. When pariahdom is tolerated, organizational performance suffers.
A diagram of effects for compulsive talkingCompulsive Talkers at Work: Addiction
Incessant, unending talking about things that the listener doesn't care about, already knows about, or can do nothing about is an irritating behavior that harms both talker and listener. What can we do about this?
Two hermit crabs in their snail shellsThe Perils of Limited Agreement
When a group member agrees to a proposal, even with conditions, the group can move forward. Such agreement is constructive, but there are risks. What are those risks and what can we do about them?
The U.S. Capitol Building, seat of both houses of the legislatureContextual Causes of Conflict: II
Too often we assume that the causes of destructive conflict lie in the behavior or personalities of the people directly participating in the conflict. Here's Part II of an exploration of causes that lie elsewhere.

See also Conflict Management and Emotions at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

A close-up view of a chipseal road surfaceComing July 3: Additive bias…or Not: II
Additive bias is a cognitive bias that many believe contributes to bloat of commercial products. When we change products to make them more capable, additive bias might not play a role, because economic considerations sometimes favor additive approaches. Available here and by RSS on July 3.
The standard conception of delegationAnd on July 10: On Delegating Accountability: I
As the saying goes, "You can't delegate your own accountability." Despite wide knowledge of this aphorism, people try it from time to time, especially when overcome by the temptation of a high-risk decision. What can you delegate, and how can you do it? Available here and by RSS on July 10.

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