Chronic Peer Interrupters: II

As a reminder, last time I began exploring what happens in meetings when people experience a pattern of disrespectful interruptions by one of their peers. I've been using the term chronic peer interrupter to denote the person who does the interrupting. In this Part II, I examine some less effective but nonetheless common tactics people use to avoid being interrupted — or to respond to interruptions — by a chronic peer interrupter.

Several tactics belong to a group one might call retaliatory. The theory underlying these tactics is that by treating chronic peer interrupters the way they treat others — that is, disrespectfully — the experience will provide them insight that could lead them to treat others more respectfully. That's why retaliatory tactics tend to be more effective when the interrupter is a well-meaning individual who got a little carried away. For chronic interrupters, though, interruption is often an intentional power or dominance display. Because they're well aware of what they're doing, they need no illustrations, and retaliatory tactics are unlikely to lead to permanent improvement.

For convenience I'll use the name Scout for the Speaker who's been interrupted, and the name Indigo for the chronic Interrupter. Retaliation tactics include:

Plowing right ahead

Scout waits for Indigo to finish or pause, then ignores whatever he's said. Scout resumes, "As I was saying…" This approach is appealing to many, because it avoids what some call "stooping to their level," by honoring the social value its users are trying to propagate: respect for others.

This response For chronic interrupters
interruption is an
intentional power
or dominance displaywon't deter the seriously capable chronic interrupter. For example, when Scout resumes her contribution, Indigo can just interrupt her again. And because that option is available to Indigo every time Scout tries to resume, Indigo can use it repeatedly. Typically, when Indigos do this, Scouts just give up.

Asking to finish

Upon Indigo's interruption, Scout says, "Excuse me, I was talking, may I finish please?" Or, "I listened while you spoke, now would you please listen while I speak?" This approach, again, is appealing to many, because it's consistent with the social value its users are trying to propagate.

One risk of this approach is that it places Scout in a subordinate stance, asking for permission from Indigo, or asking to be excused for speaking uninterrupted. A more powerful stance, for example, is, "I wasn't finished, Indigo, but if you can wait for a moment I'll finish shortly, and then you can speak." Such a tactic asserts that only Scout has the power to determine when Scout is finished. It inverts the power game, albeit at some risk of tension.

Overtalking

Upon Indigo's interruption, Scout keeps right on talking. One option is repeating the last sentence again and again until Indigo is silent. Another option is to say, repeatedly, "Stop talking please, I have the floor," or something similar. Or some try sarcasm: "Excuse me for talking while you're interrupting." People who try overtalking tend to escalate in volume, in some cases approaching the level of shouting. Some Indigos respond by escalating their own volume. Both look silly to onlookers.

When Scout speaks at a normal level, and Indigo begins to shout, the result favors Scout. As Ghandi once said, "Nothing is so aggravating as calmness." So before trying this tactic, practice talking at a normal voice volume level while someone else tries to interrupt. See "Overtalking: I," Point Lookout for October 16, 2013, for more about overtalking.

Pre-emptively interrupting

Scout decides to interrupt Indigo. When Indigo demands respect — for example, employing the asking-to-finish tactic — Scout says something like, "Now you know how it feels," or, "You don't deserve respect, because you're always interrupting everyone else."

This form of retaliation is unlikely to produce an immediate positive outcome. It assumes that Indigo will demand respect, and it therefore fails if Indigo responds by overtalking or by plowing right ahead, as described above. It risks escalating the situation into openly toxic conflict. But its fundamental weakness is that uninvited advice is rarely heeded, and Indigo hasn't requested instruction, counseling, or advice from Scout. Anything positive that comes of this tactic might arise from making peace after the eruption of destructive conflict.

In ordinary conversations in meetings, innocent interruptions do happen. People get excited, and they sometimes forget their manners. Most groups can deal with such incidents easily, by reminding themselves to be polite with one another. Use retaliatory tactics with care, and in combination with support from allies.

Next time, I'll examine four more widely used tactics. First in this series  Next in this series  Top    Next Issue

Do you spend your days scurrying from meeting to meeting? Do you ever wonder if all these meetings are really necessary? (They aren't) Or whether there isn't some better way to get this work done? (There is) Read 101 Tips for Effective Meetings to learn how to make meetings much more productive and less stressful — and a lot more rare. Order Now!

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Effective Meetings:

Problem Not-Solving

Group problem solving is a common purpose of meetings. Although much group problem solving is constructive, some patterns are useless or worse. Here are some of the more popular ways to engage in problem not-solving.

Twelve Tips for More Masterful Virtual Presentations: I

Virtual presentations are like face-to-face presentations, in that one (or a few) people present a program to an audience. But the similarity ends there. In the virtual environment, we have to adapt if we want to deliver a message effectively. We must learn to be captivating.

Interrupting Others in Meetings Safely: I

In meetings we sometimes feel the need to interrupt others to offer a view or information, or to suggest adjusting the process. But such interruptions carry risk of offense. How can we interrupt others safely?

Brainstorming and Speedstorming: I

Recent research suggests that brainstorming might not be as effective as we would like to believe it is. An alternative, speedstorming, might have some advantages for some teams solving some problems.

Toxic Disrupters: Tactics

Some people tend to disrupt meetings. Their motives vary, but they use techniques drawn from a limited collection. Examples: they violate norms, demand attention, mess with the agenda, and sow distrust. Response begins with recognizing their tactics.

See also Effective Meetings and Effective Communication at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming May 1: Antipatterns for Time-Constrained Communication: 2

Recognizing just a few patterns that can lead to miscommunication can reduce the incidence of miscommunications. Here's Part 2 of a collection of antipatterns that arise in communication under time pressure, emphasizing those that depend on content. Available here and by RSS on May 1.

And on May 8: Antipatterns for Time-Constrained Communication: 3

Recognizing just a few patterns that can lead to miscommunication can reduce the incidence of problems. Here is Part 3 of a collection of antipatterns that arise in technical communication under time pressure, emphasizing past experiences of participants. Available here and by RSS on May 8.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrendPtoGuFOkTSMQOzxner@ChacEgGqaylUnkmwIkkwoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info