Chronic Peer Interrupters: II

As a reminder, last time I began exploring what happens in meetings when people experience a pattern of disrespectful interruptions by one of their peers. I've been using the term chronic peer interrupter to denote the person who does the interrupting. In this Part II, I examine some less effective but nonetheless common tactics people use to avoid being interrupted — or to respond to interruptions — by a chronic peer interrupter.

Several tactics belong to a group one might call retaliatory. The theory underlying these tactics is that by treating chronic peer interrupters the way they treat others — that is, disrespectfully — the experience will provide them insight that could lead them to treat others more respectfully. That's why retaliatory tactics tend to be more effective when the interrupter is a well-meaning individual who got a little carried away. For chronic interrupters, though, interruption is often an intentional power or dominance display. Because they're well aware of what they're doing, they need no illustrations, and retaliatory tactics are unlikely to lead to permanent improvement.

For convenience I'll use the name Scout for the Speaker who's been interrupted, and the name Indigo for the chronic Interrupter. Retaliation tactics include:

Plowing right ahead

Scout waits for Indigo to finish or pause, then ignores whatever he's said. Scout resumes, "As I was saying…" This approach is appealing to many, because it avoids what some call "stooping to their level," by honoring the social value its users are trying to propagate: respect for others.

This response For chronic interrupters
interruption is an
intentional power
or dominance displaywon't deter the seriously capable chronic interrupter. For example, when Scout resumes her contribution, Indigo can just interrupt her again. And because that option is available to Indigo every time Scout tries to resume, Indigo can use it repeatedly. Typically, when Indigos do this, Scouts just give up.

Asking to finish

Upon Indigo's interruption, Scout says, "Excuse me, I was talking, may I finish please?" Or, "I listened while you spoke, now would you please listen while I speak?" This approach, again, is appealing to many, because it's consistent with the social value its users are trying to propagate.

One risk of this approach is that it places Scout in a subordinate stance, asking for permission from Indigo, or asking to be excused for speaking uninterrupted. A more powerful stance, for example, is, "I wasn't finished, Indigo, but if you can wait for a moment I'll finish shortly, and then you can speak." Such a tactic asserts that only Scout has the power to determine when Scout is finished. It inverts the power game, albeit at some risk of tension.

Overtalking

Upon Indigo's interruption, Scout keeps right on talking. One option is repeating the last sentence again and again until Indigo is silent. Another option is to say, repeatedly, "Stop talking please, I have the floor," or something similar. Or some try sarcasm: "Excuse me for talking while you're interrupting." People who try overtalking tend to escalate in volume, in some cases approaching the level of shouting. Some Indigos respond by escalating their own volume. Both look silly to onlookers.

When Scout speaks at a normal level, and Indigo begins to shout, the result favors Scout. As Ghandi once said, "Nothing is so aggravating as calmness." So before trying this tactic, practice talking at a normal voice volume level while someone else tries to interrupt. See "Overtalking: I," Point Lookout for October 16, 2013, for more about overtalking.

Pre-emptively interrupting

Scout decides to interrupt Indigo. When Indigo demands respect — for example, employing the asking-to-finish tactic — Scout says something like, "Now you know how it feels," or, "You don't deserve respect, because you're always interrupting everyone else."

This form of retaliation is unlikely to produce an immediate positive outcome. It assumes that Indigo will demand respect, and it therefore fails if Indigo responds by overtalking or by plowing right ahead, as described above. It risks escalating the situation into openly toxic conflict. But its fundamental weakness is that uninvited advice is rarely heeded, and Indigo hasn't requested instruction, counseling, or advice from Scout. Anything positive that comes of this tactic might arise from making peace after the eruption of destructive conflict.

In ordinary conversations in meetings, innocent interruptions do happen. People get excited, and they sometimes forget their manners. Most groups can deal with such incidents easily, by reminding themselves to be polite with one another. Use retaliatory tactics with care, and in combination with support from allies.

Next time, I'll examine four more widely used tactics. First in this series  Next in this series  Top    Next Issue

Do you spend your days scurrying from meeting to meeting? Do you ever wonder if all these meetings are really necessary? (They aren't) Or whether there isn't some better way to get this work done? (There is) Read 101 Tips for Effective Meetings to learn how to make meetings much more productive and less stressful — and a lot more rare. Order Now!

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Effective Meetings:

Mastering Meeting Madness

If you lead an organization, and people are mired in meeting madness, you can end it. Here are a few tips that can free everyone to finally get some work done.

Let Me Finish, Please

We use meetings to exchange information and to explore complex issues. In open discussion, we tend to interrupt each other. Interruptions can be disruptive, distracting, funny, essential, and frustratingly common. What can we do to limit interruptions without depriving ourselves of their benefits?

Mastering Q and A

The question-and-answer exchanges that occur during or after presentations rarely add much to the overall effort. But how you deal with questions can be a decisive factor in how your audience evaluates you and your message.

Why People Hijack Meetings

When as chair of a meeting, you have difficulty completing a reasonable agenda, you might be the target of a hijacking. Here's Part I of a series exploring meeting hijacking.

Polychronic Meetings

In very dynamic contexts, with multiple issues to address, we probably cannot rely on the usual format of single-threaded meeting with a list of agenda items to be addressed each in their turn. A more flexible, issue-driven format might work better.

See also Effective Meetings and Effective Communication at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming August 4: What Are the Chances: I

When estimating the probabilities of success of different strategies, we must often estimate the probability of multiple events occurring. People make a common mistake when forming such estimates. They assume that events are independent when they are not. Available here and by RSS on August 4.

And on August 11: Many "Stupid" Questions Aren't

Occasionally someone asks a question that causes us to think, "Now that's a stupid question." Rarely is that assessment correct. Knowing what alternative assessments are possible can help us respond more effectively in the moment. Available here and by RSS on August 11.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenXEiRBfuFHUtjHrqUner@ChacpYPvvSVhUNIOeXHKoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info

Public seminars

The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power

Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   
• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   

Bullet Points: Mastery or Madness?

Decision makers in modern organizations commonly demand briefings in the form of bullet points or a series of series of bullet points. But this form of presentation has limited value for complex decisions. We need something more. We actually need to think. Briefers who combine the bullet-point format with a variety of persuasion techniques can mislead decision makers, guiding them into making poor decisions. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 24, 2020, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   
• A recording of a program presented June 24, 2020, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.