As a reminder, last time I began exploring what happens in meetings when people experience a pattern of disrespectful interruptions by one of their peers. I've been using the term chronic peer interrupter to denote the person who does the interrupting. In this Part II, I examine some less effective but nonetheless common tactics people use to avoid being interrupted — or to respond to interruptions — by a chronic peer interrupter.
Several tactics belong to a group one might call retaliatory. The theory underlying these tactics is that by treating chronic peer interrupters the way they treat others — that is, disrespectfully — the experience will provide them insight that could lead them to treat others more respectfully. That's why retaliatory tactics tend to be more effective when the interrupter is a well-meaning individual who got a little carried away. For chronic interrupters, though, interruption is often an intentional power or dominance display. Because they're well aware of what they're doing, they need no illustrations, and retaliatory tactics are unlikely to lead to permanent improvement.
For convenience I'll use the name Scout for the Speaker who's been interrupted, and the name Indigo for the chronic Interrupter. Retaliation tactics include:
- Plowing right ahead
- Scout waits for Indigo to finish or pause, then ignores whatever he's said. Scout resumes, "As I was saying…" This approach is appealing to many, because it avoids what some call "stooping to their level," by honoring the social value its users are trying to propagate: respect for others.
- This response For chronic interrupters
interruption is an
or dominance displaywon't deter the seriously capable chronic interrupter. For example, when Scout resumes her contribution, Indigo can just interrupt her again. And because that option is available to Indigo every time Scout tries to resume, Indigo can use it repeatedly. Typically, when Indigos do this, Scouts just give up.
- Asking to finish
- Upon Indigo's interruption, Scout says, "Excuse me, I was talking, may I finish please?" Or, "I listened while you spoke, now would you please listen while I speak?" This approach, again, is appealing to many, because it's consistent with the social value its users are trying to propagate.
- One risk of this approach is that it places Scout in a subordinate stance, asking for permission from Indigo, or asking to be excused for speaking uninterrupted. A more powerful stance, for example, is, "I wasn't finished, Indigo, but if you can wait for a moment I'll finish shortly, and then you can speak." Such a tactic asserts that only Scout has the power to determine when Scout is finished. It inverts the power game, albeit at some risk of tension.
- Upon Indigo's interruption, Scout keeps right on talking. One option is repeating the last sentence again and again until Indigo is silent. Another option is to say, repeatedly, "Stop talking please, I have the floor," or something similar. Or some try sarcasm: "Excuse me for talking while you're interrupting." People who try overtalking tend to escalate in volume, in some cases approaching the level of shouting. Some Indigos respond by escalating their own volume. Both look silly to onlookers.
- When Scout speaks at a normal level, and Indigo begins to shout, the result favors Scout. As Ghandi once said, "Nothing is so aggravating as calmness." So before trying this tactic, practice talking at a normal voice volume level while someone else tries to interrupt. See "Overtalking: I," Point Lookout for October 16, 2013, for more about overtalking.
- Pre-emptively interrupting
- Scout decides to interrupt Indigo. When Indigo demands respect — for example, employing the asking-to-finish tactic — Scout says something like, "Now you know how it feels," or, "You don't deserve respect, because you're always interrupting everyone else."
- This form of retaliation is unlikely to produce an immediate positive outcome. It assumes that Indigo will demand respect, and it therefore fails if Indigo responds by overtalking or by plowing right ahead, as described above. It risks escalating the situation into openly toxic conflict. But its fundamental weakness is that uninvited advice is rarely heeded, and Indigo hasn't requested instruction, counseling, or advice from Scout. Anything positive that comes of this tactic might arise from making peace after the eruption of destructive conflict.
In ordinary conversations in meetings, innocent interruptions do happen. People get excited, and they sometimes forget their manners. Most groups can deal with such incidents easily, by reminding themselves to be polite with one another. Use retaliatory tactics with care, and in combination with support from allies.
Do you spend your days scurrying from meeting to meeting? Do you ever wonder if all these meetings are really necessary? (They aren't) Or whether there isn't some better way to get this work done? (There is) Read 101 Tips for Effective Meetings to learn how to make meetings much more productive and less stressful — and a lot more rare. Order Now!
Your comments are welcomeWould you like to see your comments posted here? rbrenmhXARWRMUvVyOdHlner@ChacxgDmtwOKrxnripPCoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.
About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
More articles on Effective Meetings:
- The Shape of the Table
- Not only was the meeting running over, but it now seemed that the entire far end of the table was having
its own meeting. Why are some meetings like this?
- Social Distancing for Pandemic Flu
- It's time we all began to take seriously the warning about a possible influenza pandemic. Whether or
not your organization has a plan, you can do much to reduce your own chances of infection, and the chances
of mass infection, by adopting a set of practices known as social distancing.
- Virtual Meetings: Dealing with Inattention
- There is much we can do to reduce the incidence of inattention in virtual meetings. Cooperation is required.
- The End-to-End Cost of Meetings: II
- Few of us realize where all the costs of meetings really are. Some of the most significant cost sources
are outside the meeting room. Here's Part II of our exploration of meeting costs.
- Costs of the Catch-Me-Up Anti-Pattern: II
- When we interrupt a meeting to recap the action so far for a late-arriving attendee, the cost of the
recap itself is just the beginning. There are some less-obvious costs that can be even greater.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming October 23: Power Distance and Teams
- One of the attributes of team cultures is something called power distance, which is a measure of the overall comfort people have with inequality in the distribution of power. Power distance can determine how well a team performs when executing high-risk projects. Available here and by RSS on October 23.
- And on October 30: Power Distance and Risk
- Managing or responding to project risks is much easier when team culture encourages people to report problems and question any plans they have reason to doubt. Here are five examples that show how such encouragement helps to manage risk. Available here and by RSS on October 30.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenmhXARWRMUvVyOdHlner@ChacxgDmtwOKrxnripPCoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the ebook!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
- Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
- Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
- Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
- Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
- Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
- Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
- The Race to the South Pole: Lessons in Leadership
On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. But to organizational leaders, business analysts, project sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. We'll use the history of this event to explore lessons in leadership and its application to organizational efforts. A fascinating and refreshing look at leadership from the vantage point of history. Read more about this program.
Here's a date for this program:
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio
44017: November 7,
Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio 44017: November 7, Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.