Bonuses

Near the end of his life, my Dad endured many of the maladies of old age — and steadily progressing Multiple Sclerosis. He didn't talk much about it, except when someone said, "Hi, how are you?" which was pretty often, because that's how we say hello around here.

He had many stock answers for "Hi, how are you." One was, "Some days good, other days (pause) better!" He would deliver this line with perfect timing and an infectious smile, and when the laugh came, he'd join in.

Another favorite answer of his for "Hi how are you" was, "Well, that depends…how much time do you have?" Always with the infectious smile.

He never kept track of who'd heard which line before. But even if you'd heard a line dozens of times, his smile made it impossible not to laugh.

He had a name for his afflictions — the debilitating arthritis, the muscles that no longer worked, the phantom pains, and so on. He called them "bonuses." When I first heard him describe his arthritis as a "bonus," I got curious.

Me: Dad. Why do you call the arthritis a 'bonus?' What do you mean by 'bonus?'

Dad: Well, son, I'm glad you asked…

Me (not aloud, of course): Uh-oh.

Dad (continuing): A bonus is something you didn't ask for, something extra, something you can live without. (pause)

Me: Yeah…

Dad: And this arthritis, I can definitely live without.

Ba-dum-bum.

Bonuses are
part of LifeBonuses are part of Life. How we deal with them makes the difference between a happy life and something else. Here are some thoughts about dealing with bonuses.

Humor helps

I don't think my Dad was "naturally" funny. He led a difficult life, filled with bonuses, and he learned somehow along the way that humor helped. He learned how to be funny.

You can be funny, too. It's a skill, like jumping rope, or adding numbers, or burning toast. I'm really great at burning toast.

Happiness is an often-overlooked choice

Whenever you receive a bonus, you can think about it in different ways. The choice you make affects your happiness.

Choosing a perspective that makes you even a little bit happy might be difficult — it might require a bit of creativity. Fortunately creativity comes with being Human.

Your choices affect the people around you

When you choose how to deal with a bonus, your choice affects the people around you, especially the people you love.

Hiding your suffering doesn't work — the misery leaks out eventually. Wallowing in it doesn't work either. Choosing to be as happy as you can be is a good middle path.

Whenever I receive a bonus, I eventually remember that it's an opportunity to practice dealing with bonuses. Even though I still have a lot to learn, I'm getting better at it, because long ago I received a bonus in the more conventional sense — in the form of my Dad. Maybe you received a bonus too.  Top    Next Issue

Love the work but not the job? Bad boss, long commute, troubling ethical questions, hateful colleague? This ebook looks at what we can do to get more out of life at work. It helps you get moving again! Read Go For It! Sometimes It's Easier If You Run, filled with tips and techniques for putting zing into your work life. Order Now!

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:

Choices for Widening Choices

Choosing is easy when you don't have much to choose from. That's one reason why groups sometimes don't recognize all the possibilities — they're happiest when choosing is easy. When we notice this happening, what can we do about it?

Using the Parking Lot

In meetings, keeping a list we call the "parking lot" is a fairly standard practice. As the discussion unfolds, we "park" there any items that arise that aren't on the agenda, but which we believe could be important someday soon. Here are some tips for making your parking lot process more effective.

Finding the Third Way

When a team is divided, and agreement seems out of reach, attempts to resolve the conflict usually focus on the differences between the contrasting positions. Focusing instead on their similarities can be a productive technique for reaching agreement.

How to Reject Expert Opinion: I

When groups of decision makers confront complex problems, they sometimes choose not to consult experts or to reject their advice. How do groups come to make these choices?

Defect Streams and Their Sources

Regarding defects as elements of a stream provides a perspective that aids in identifying causes other than negligence. Examples of root causes are unfunded mandates, misallocation of the cost of procedure competence, and frequent changes in procedures.

See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness and Problem Solving and Creativity for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming June 1: Mental Accounting and Technical Debt

In many organizations, technical debt has resisted efforts to control it. We've made important technical advances, but full control might require applying some results of the behavioral economics community, including a concept they call mental accounting. Available here and by RSS on June 1.

And on June 8: Flexible Queue Management

In meetings of 5-30 participants, managing the queue of contributors can be challenging. A strict first-in-first-out order can cause confusion and waste of time if important contributions are delayed. Some meetings need more flexible queue management. Available here and by RSS on June 8.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenEQuetChPjwYBDxmgner@ChacxXTxBssoFmfDfMugoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info

Public seminars

The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power

Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   
• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   

Bullet Points: Mastery or Madness?

Decision makers in modern organizations commonly demand briefings in the form of bullet points or a series of series of bullet points. But this form of presentation has limited value for complex decisions. We need something more. We actually need to think. Briefers who combine the bullet-point format with a variety of persuasion techniques can mislead decision makers, guiding them into making poor decisions. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 24, 2020, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   
• A recording of a program presented June 24, 2020, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.