Near the end of his life, my Dad endured many of the maladies of old age — and steadily progressing Multiple Sclerosis. He didn't talk much about it, except when someone said, "Hi, how are you?" which was pretty often, because that's how we say hello around here.
He had many stock answers for "Hi, how are you." One was, "Some days good, other days (pause) better!" He would deliver this line with perfect timing and an infectious smile, and when the laugh came, he'd join in.
Another favorite answer of his for "Hi how are you" was, "Well, that depends…how much time do you have?" Always with the infectious smile.
He never kept track of who'd heard which line before. But even if you'd heard a line dozens of times, his smile made it impossible not to laugh.
He had a name for his afflictions — the debilitating arthritis, the muscles that no longer worked, the phantom pains, and so on. He called them "bonuses." When I first heard him describe his arthritis as a "bonus," I got curious.
Me: Dad. Why do you call the arthritis a 'bonus?' What do you mean by 'bonus?'
Dad: Well, son, I'm glad you asked…
Me (not aloud, of course): Uh-oh.
Dad (continuing): A bonus is something you didn't ask for, something extra, something you can live without. (pause)
Dad: And this arthritis, I can definitely live without.
part of LifeBonuses are part of Life. How we deal with them makes the difference between a happy life and something else. Here are some thoughts about dealing with bonuses.
- Humor helps
- I don't think my Dad was "naturally" funny. He led a difficult life, filled with bonuses, and he learned somehow along the way that humor helped. He learned how to be funny.
- You can be funny, too. It's a skill, like jumping rope, or adding numbers, or burning toast. I'm really great at burning toast.
- Happiness is an often-overlooked choice
- Whenever you receive a bonus, you can think about it in different ways. The choice you make affects your happiness.
- Choosing a perspective that makes you even a little bit happy might be difficult — it might require a bit of creativity. Fortunately creativity comes with being Human.
- Your choices affect the people around you
- When you choose how to deal with a bonus, your choice affects the people around you, especially the people you love.
- Hiding your suffering doesn't work — the misery leaks out eventually. Wallowing in it doesn't work either. Choosing to be as happy as you can be is a good middle path.
Whenever I receive a bonus, I eventually remember that it's an opportunity to practice dealing with bonuses. Even though I still have a lot to learn, I'm getting better at it, because long ago I received a bonus in the more conventional sense — in the form of my Dad. Maybe you received a bonus too. Top Next Issue
Love the work but not the job? Bad boss, long commute, troubling ethical questions, hateful colleague? This ebook looks at what we can do to get more out of life at work. It helps you get moving again! Read Go For It! Sometimes It's Easier If You Run, filled with tips and techniques for putting zing into your work life. Order Now!
Your comments are welcomeWould you like to see your comments posted here? rbrenqWlCLlhsQKHbgmNaner@ChacIHLjClYkeeNciSiOoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.
About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:
- Double Your Downsizing Damage
- Some people believe that senior management is actually trying to hurt their company by downsizing.
If they are they're doing a pretty bad job of it. Here's a handy checklist for evaluating the performance
of your company's downsizers.
- Dealing with Deadlock
- At times it seems that nothing works. Whenever we try to get moving, we encounter obstacles. If we try
to go around them, we find more obstacles. How do we get stuck? And how can we get unstuck?
- If Only I Had Known: I
- Have you ever regretted saying something that you wouldn't have said if only you had known just one
more little fact? Yeah, me too. We all have. Here are some tips for dealing with this sticky situation.
- Trying to Do It Right the First Time Isn't Always Best
- You've probably heard the slogan, "Do it right the first time." It makes sense for some kinds
of work, but not for all. For more and more of the work done in modern organizations, doing it right
the first time — or even trying to — might be the wrong way to go.
- Untangling Tangled Threads
- In energetic discussions, topics and subtopics get intertwined. The tangles can be frustrating. Here's
a collection of techniques for minimizing tangles in complex discussions.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming December 19: Embarrassment, Shame, and Guilt at Work: Creation
- Three feelings are often confused with each other: embarrassment, shame, and guilt. To understand how to cope with these feelings, begin by understanding what different kinds of situations we use when we create these feelings. Available here and by RSS on December 19.
- And on December 26: Embarrassment, Shame, and Guilt at Work: Coping
- Coping effectively with feelings of embarrassment, shame, or guilt is the path to recovering a sense of balance that's the foundation of clear thinking. And thinking clearly at work is important if you want to avoid feeling embarrassment, shame, or guilt. Available here and by RSS on December 26.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenTGnhzSepHNueLSqoner@ChacRHahSWLEHuGuhSHSoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the ebook!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
- Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, USD 11.95)
- Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, USD 28.99)
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.