![U.S. President Barack Obama and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer conferring in the Oval Office in 2010 U.S. President Barack Obama and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer conferring in the Oval Office in 2010](../images/obama-brewer.png)
U.S. President Barack Obama and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer conferring in the Oval Office in 2010. A more famous photograph of these two executives "conferring" depicts an exchange that occurred on the Phoenix-Mesa Gateway Airport tarmac in January 2012. In that photograph, taken by Haraz N. Ghanbari of the Associated Press, Gov. Brewer appears to be buttonholing the President, pointing her index finger at him in a most assertive manner. Because the interaction occurred in full public view, the Governor's actions were widely regarded as disrespectful, even hostile. So prevalent was that view, that the Governor had to deny any intention of hostility (see, for example, "Arizona Gov. Brewer Says She 'Was Not Hostile' in Meeting With Obama," a story available at the National Public Radio Web site).
I know of no direct evidence of the Governor's intentions in this incident. However, her behavior is consistent with what I call "ambushing" in this essay. The President's response — cool, measured attention — provides an outstanding example of the effective management of ambushes. Official White House Photo by Pete Souza.
In Part I of this exploration, we examined three tactics for causing other people to lose control. Skill in recognizing these tactics in the moment is helpful to anyone intent on remaining calm and resisting the urge to attack or to respond to insults in kind. But there are two other consequences of this kind of awareness. First, bystanders who recognize the tactics of manipulation are well equipped to intervene to halt the fracas before it expands. Second, and even more important, a general awareness of widespread ability to recognize these toxic behaviors is a deterrent to anyone considering employing them.
With these advantages in mind, consider four more examples.
- Interrupting
- Although interrupting others is widely regarded as rude, the effects of being interrupted vary from person to person. Interruptions can be so upsetting that graceless retaliation is difficult to avoid. And repeated, staccato interruption — badgering — can lead to angry outbursts by the person interrupted.
- Startling
- When startled, we're more likely to respond gracelessly. To exploit this, an attacker might approach a target stealthily from behind, and suddenly, and apparently affectionately, throw an arm around the target's shoulders. Or the attacker might enter the target's office unannounced at particularly inopportune moments. These methods use invasions of the target's personal space to induce fear responses. Personal space invasions are especially effective if the attacker has physically assaulted or threatened the target — or anyone known to the target — in the past.
- Mock taunting or needling
- To taunt is to provoke or ridicule with hurtful remarks. A mock taunt is a taunt delivered as if in jest, possibly with a wink or smile. Sometimes we call this behavior "needling." Attackers using this tactic expect their targets to be offended because the targets disregard the humorous wrapper. They expect bystanders to be duped by that wrapper. To bystanders, targets who respond gracelessly to the taunt then seem to be thin-skinned. The attacker can then deny intentionally inflicting pain, saying, "I didn't mean anything by it," or, "Can't you take a joke?" or "I didn't realize you were so touchy."
- Ambushing
- Ambush, especially in Ambush, especially in public,
depletes the target's ability
to maintain composurepublic, depletes the target's ability to maintain composure by surprising the target in some way that threatens his or her ability to perform. For example, if the target is presenting to a small group virtually, and each remote site was to have received accompanying materials to be distributed in hardcopy, the attacker might deliver to some sites draft versions instead of the final versions, which might appear to be an honest mistake. The confusion can rattle the target, who then might not deal well with the attacker's probing or potentially embarrassing questions during the presentation.
Make a collection of the tactics you personally witness. They're most likely to come your way eventually. Next in this series Top
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Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
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Related articles
More articles on Conflict Management:
Obstacles to Compromise
- Compromise is the art of devising an approach acceptable to all parties. A talent for compromise is
rare. What makes finding compromises so difficult?
Can You Hear Me Now?
- Not feeling heard can feel like an attack, even when there was no attack, and then conversation can
quickly turn to war. Here are some tips for hearing your conversation partner and for conveying the
message that you actually did hear.
Rapid-Fire Attacks
- Someone asks you a question. Within seconds of starting to reply, you're hit with another question,
or a rejection of your reply. Abusively. The pattern repeats. And repeats again. And again. You're being
attacked. What can you do?
Clearing Conflict Fog
- At times, groups can become so embroiled in destructive conflict that conventional conflict resolution
becomes ineffective. How does this happen? What can we do about it?
Pre-Decision Discussions: Facts
- The purpose of some meetings is reaching decisions. Because decision making can be difficult, familiarity
with the forms of contributions that can occur in such discussions is helpful. Their connection to facts
is critical.
See also Conflict Management and Workplace Politics for more related articles.
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