Shining Some Light on "Going Dark"

There's no excuse for going-dark behavior, of course, but in our frustration, trying to turn the lights back on, we often select tactics that are ineffective and can even be counterproductive. Avoid these:

The Tweaking CC

Something that rarely works: sending a query in email demanding information, accusing the recipient of failing to report, and including a CC to the recipient's boss, to the CEO and to the Master of the Universe. See "The Tweaking CC," Point Lookout for February 7, 2001.

Public embarrassment

Pillorying the offender in a general email to the team, or at a meeting — especially in his or her absence — is likely to arouse anger and resistance.

Spreading poison

Describing the problem to anyone who will listen will likely be seen as character assassination.

Abuse

Harassment and intimidation, in person or in other media, are always unethical and unacceptable. And they just plain don't work. See "When You're the Target of a Bully," Point Lookout for March 17, 2004.

Suspending privileges or reassignment as punishment

Indirect, threatening, or abusive
tactics are unlikely
to address the problem

The deterrence theory of punishment is questionable in any case, but in the team environment it's downright toxic.

The nuclear option

Waiting until the annual review period to then clobber the victim with a truly horrible report doesn't resolve the immediate problem.

Try the following steps instead. They're arranged in roughly increasing order of escalation.

Email, voicemail, interdepartmental mail, fax, stopping by, and notes on the chair

You probably already tried all of these. They haven't worked.

Email with a return-receipt and high priority

This probably won't work either, but you have to try.

Call at odd hours

Calling in the early morning, during lunch, late evenings, or weekends might work, if the subject is avoiding answering calls during business hours.

Mask your caller ID

If the subject is screening your calls using caller ID, mask your ID or call from an unusual number, such as a conference room, a friend's mobile, or a colleague's phone. Next level: call from the credit union, HR, or Security.

Make a personal visit

If you're remote, this isn't an easy option, but it might work.

Ask for help

Consult your boss for ideas, influence, and moral support. This is a last resort, but it usually works when all else has failed.

When you finally make contact, remember to remain calm. If the incident is a first-time offense, explain your concerns seriously and respectfully and demand respect in return. If the incident is part of a pattern, you've got a larger problem, and you need more information to figure out what that problem might be.

For instance, the "offender" might not be an offender at all — he or she might have been directed to go dark by someone up the management chain (I've seen this happen). Tread carefully.

In any case, work to repair and preserve the relationship first, and to resolve the problem second. Progress, when it comes, will require a sound and stable relationship.  Top    Next Issue

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See also Project Management, Effective Communication at Work and Conflict Management for more related articles.

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Three feelings are often confused with each other: embarrassment, shame, and guilt. To understand how to cope with these feelings, begin by understanding what different kinds of situations we use when we create these feelings. Available here and by RSS on December 19.

And on December 26: Embarrassment, Shame, and Guilt at Work: Coping

Coping effectively with feelings of embarrassment, shame, or guilt is the path to recovering a sense of balance that's the foundation of clear thinking. And thinking clearly at work is important if you want to avoid feeling embarrassment, shame, or guilt. Available here and by RSS on December 26.

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