Thomas was now officially rattled. He thought, 'He knows I hate the name "Tommy".' So he blanked PowerPoint, walked around to Warren's side of the conference table, and said, "Look. For the nth time, my name is Thomas. Not Tommy."
Warren looked up at Thomas from a frightened-looking slouch. "Sure…Thomas? I'm so sorry," he whined with fake sincerity. "I'm sorry if I got you so upset. I'll try to remember. Thomas. Got it."
Warren is clever, and Thomas has just blundered into a trap. Warren had been sniping at Thomas all through the presentation. It wasn't just Warren's use of "Tommy" — there was much more to it. But to some of the others in the room, Thomas now appears to be the bully, and Warren the victim — instead of the reverse.
This tactic, which I call "reversing the victim," is just one of the many available to workplace bullies. By subtly attacking their targets, often in public but out of the awareness of others, bullies can maneuver their targets into "losing it," and then the target seems to others to be the attacker, while the attacker appears to be the victim.
Even if the target retains self-control, and seeks support, witnesses, or advice, the lack of evidence to support charges of abuse can make the target seem "overly sensitive" or "paranoid."
Workplace bullies use aggression to reduce their targets' effectiveness as employees. Often, the motive is political — increased status, political power, or resources — but some bullies attack from compulsion, or for other less rational motives.
What can you do if you become the target of a bully?
- Accept that you must defend yourself
- Most targets "Reversing the victim"
is just one of many
tactics available to
workplace bulliesare either naïve about attack tactics, or unwilling to mount a counteroffensive. Until you commit to an effective offense, you'll remain a target.
- Distinguish the mob from its leader
- Bullies recruit allies easily, especially from among those who are relieved that they aren't targets themselves. Be clear in your own mind who the bully really is.
- Keep a journal
- Record every incident, with as much detail as possible, including time, location, witnesses, and what was said or done. Photos and recordings are helpful.
- Don't retaliate in kind; don't run away
- Your attacker knows this battlefield better than you do, and has the initiative as well. You'd probably lose in a frontal counterattack. Running away probably won't help either — bullies are everywhere.
- File formal complaints
- When you've accumulated overwhelming evidence of abuse, exploit your organization's grievance procedures. Escalate to the max. This will make clear to your attacker that continued attacks will be costly. Legal counsel can also be helpful — you might be able to use the law in your counterattack.
Are you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99. Order Now!
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More articles on Workplace Bullying:
- Responding to Threats: III
- Workplace threats come in a variety of flavors. One class of threats is indirect. Threateners who use
the indirect threats aim to evoke fear of consequences brought about not by the threatener, but by other
parties. Indirect threats are indeed warnings, but not in the way you might think.
- Confronting the Workplace Bully: II
- When bullied, one option is to fight back, but many don't, because they fear the consequences. Confrontation
is a better choice than many believe — if you know what you're doing.
- When the Chair Is a Bully: III
- When the Chair of the meeting is so dominant that attendees withhold comments or slant contributions
to please the Chair, meeting output is at risk of corruption. Because Chairs usually can retaliate against
attendees who aren't "cooperative," this problem is difficult to address. Here's Part III
of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.
- The Paradox of Structure and Workplace Bullying
- Structures of all kinds — organizations, domains of knowledge, cities, whatever — are both
enabling and limiting. To gain more of the benefits of structure, while avoiding their limits, it helps
to understand this paradox and learn to recognize its effects.
- Seventeen Guidelines About Workplace Bullying
- Bullying is a complex social pattern. Thinking clearly about bullying is difficult in the moment because
our emotions can distract us. Here are some short insights about bullying that are easy to remember
in the moment.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming February 20: Brainstorming and Speedstorming: I
- Recent research suggests that brainstorming might not be as effective as we would like to believe it is. An alternative, speedstorming, might have some advantages for some teams solving some problems. Available here and by RSS on February 20.
- And on February 27: Brainstorming and Speedstorming: II
- Recent research into the effectiveness of brainstorming has raised some questions. Motivated to examine alternatives, I ran into speedstorming. Here's Part II of an exploration of the properties of speedstorming. Available here and by RSS on February 27.
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