The indicators of workplace bullying are often obvious — anger, hostility, burdensome assignments, shouting, abusive language, or violence. But much bullying is covert. It can be so subtly ambiguous that bystanders disagree about whether it's actually bullying. But in every sense that matters, covert bullying is costly and destructive.
Because covert bullying can persist undetected, it can be more costly and more destructive than overt bullying. That's why recognizing covert bullying is important, whether you're a target or less directly involved.
Yet, under the veneer of civility, graciousness, and good nature, the tactics of the covert bully are at least as effective as the tactics of overt bullies. Here are some indicators of covert bullying.
- Your feelings
- Targets of covert bullies sometimes deny that they're being bullied, even though they feel bullied. Many believe, incorrectly, that all bullying must be blatantly offensive, abusive, and hostile. If you feel bullied, there's a strong chance that you're being bullied, no matter how "nice" the bully is.
- The use of privacy
- Since covert bullies want to maintain an image of innocence, they avoid any behavior that threatens that image. When executing bullying tactics, if the behavior is overtly bullying in nature, the covert bully avoids witnesses.
- Since the primary goal of bullies is the exercise of power, bullies seek to coerce others to carry out tasks against their wishes. The overt bully uses force or threats to carry out the coercion, but the covert bully favors subtle manipulation, deceit, and trickery. Consequently, the target might actually experience a desire to please the covert bully. Only after time passes, and new information reaches the target, is the spell broken, if ever.
- Because Targets of covert bullies
sometimes deny that they're
being bullied, even though
they feel bulliedthe bullying is covert, opinions differ about whether it's even happening. Some observers are certain, one way or the other. Some are uncertain. Some actively refuse to have an opinion, often as a means of denying their feelings of confusion. Even targets can be unsure, casting about for alternate explanations for their feelings of being abused.
- The roller coaster
- Occasionally, observers or targets begin to sense that bullying is happening — or perhaps they conclude it with certainty. Sensing these changes, covert bullies then take steps to repair relationships using a variety of tactics. They grant favors, do favors unbidden, or voluntarily step forward to heroically assume undesirable responsibilities. This alternation of abuse and graciousness disrupts coalitions, confounds the opposition, and confuses targets.
If a covert bully has been in place for a while, it's likely that those in positions to address the problem already know about it. If that's so, the real problem is that those responsible for dealing with the bully have failed to do so. Appealing to them is unlikely to work. Look higher — or move on. Top Next Issue
Are you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99. Order Now!
For more about covert bullying, see "Strategies of Verbal Abusers," Point Lookout for August 1, 2018.
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More articles on Workplace Bullying:
- Deniable Intimidation
- Some people achieve or maintain power by intimidating others in deniable ways. Too often, when intimidators
succeed, their success rests in part on our unwillingness to resist, or on our lack of skill. By understanding
their tactics, and by preparing responses, we can deter intimidators.
- Hurtful Clichés: I
- Much of our day-to-day conversation consists of harmless clichés: "How goes it?" or
"Nice to meet you." Some other clichés aren't harmless, but they're so common that
we use them without thinking. Maybe it's time for some thought.
- How Workplace Bullies Use OODA: I
- Workplace bullies who succeed in carrying on their activities over a long period of time rely on more
than mere intimidation to escape prosecution. They proactively shape their environments to make them
safe for bullying. The OODA model gives us insights into how they accomplish this.
- Manipulators Beware
- When manipulators try to manipulate others, they're attempting to unscrupulously influence their targets
to decide or act in some way the manipulators prefer. But some targets manage to outwit their manipulators.
- Strategies of Verbal Abusers
- Verbal abuse at work has special properties, because it takes place in an environment in which verbal
abuse is supposedly proscribed. Yet verbal abuse does happen at work. Here are three strategies abusers
rely on to avoid disciplinary action.
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- And on March 6: A Pain Scale for Meetings
- Most meetings could be shorter, less frequent, and more productive than they are. Part of the problem is that we don't realize how much we do to get in our own way. If we track the incidents of dysfunctional activity, we can use the data to spot trends and take corrective action. Available here and by RSS on March 6.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.