Maria opened her inbox one morning and found, among the usual meeting announcements, deadline reminders, and spam, a message from Ken. Ken and Maria had had some difficulties, and a low-grade feud had been simmering for some time. So when Maria saw Ken's name, she felt a twinge. His messages were never good news. And this one certainly wasn't.
"I need your input for the quarterly report by Friday," Ken reminded her. That was fine. But he went on, "I hope you'll make the deadline this quarter." Less fine. And he had CC'd her boss. Definitely not fine.
Ken's message to Maria contained a "tweaking CC," which is a CC to someone whom the sender believes has influence or power over the recipient. The tweaking CC is designed to intimidate.
We use the tweaking CC when we want to rattle people, by tattling on them or informing on them [Brenner 2006] When used artfully, the tweaking CC provides cover to the sender, who can claim that the CCs were included only to keep everyone in the loop. Usually, this "FYI veil" is pretty thin — everyone can see right through it, except perhaps the sender.
When you receive a message with a tweaking CC, remember:
- It's possible that the message you're looking at doesn't have a tweaking CC. Maybe the sender added the CCs for some other reason that you don't know about.
- Tweaking CCs hurt. Let yourself feel the hurt. Denying the hurt will only cause you more grief later. Get support if you need it.
- The sender is in pain, too. The sender's self-esteem is low. Senders of tweaking CCs often feel that it would not be enough to simply let you know that something is amiss — it's necessary to tell someone really powerful.
- Taking any action at all within the first hour or two is unwise — you're very likely to make things worse.
- Defending yourself gives credibility to the sender.
- Defending yourself in email is risky because emails are so easily misunderstood.
Senders of
tweaking CCs
often feel
powerlessWhat about Maria? She went for a 20-minute walk. Later, she dropped in on her boss. She explained that she regarded the email from Ken as a tweaking CC. Her boss instantly recognized what she meant by the term, and told her that when he received the message he recognized it as such. He asked Maria if she wanted anything done about Ken's behavior, but Maria declined the offer, saying that since all was well between the two of them, she felt better, and she would find a way to work things out with Ken.
When you receive a message with a tweaking CC, breathe. Center yourself. Recognize your own power — the sender certainly does. Top
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Footnotes
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Related articles
More articles on Emotions at Work:
Manipulated Commitments
- Manipulated or coerced commitment looks pretty good on paper, but it might not lead to dedicated action.
When the truth is finally revealed, trouble can be unavoidable.
Coping with Problems
- How we cope with problems is a choice. When we choose our coping style, we help determine our ability
to address the problems we face. Of eight styles we can identify, only one is universally constructive,
and we rarely use it.
Decision Making and the Straw Man
- In project work, we often make decisions with incomplete information. Sometimes we narrow the options
to a few, examine their strengths and risks, and make a choice. In our deliberations, some advocates
use a technique called the Straw Man fallacy. It threatens the soundness of the decision, and its use
is very common.
The Unappreciative Boss
- Do you work for a boss who doesn't appreciate you? Do you feel ignored or excessively criticized? If
you do, life can be a misery, if you make it so. Or you can work around it. It's up to you to choose.
Changing Blaming Cultures
- Culture change in organizations is always challenging, but changing a blaming culture presents special
difficulties. Here are three reasons why.
See also Emotions at Work and Writing and Managing Email for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
Coming October 4: Self-Importance and Conversational Narcissism at Work: I
- Conversational narcissism is a set of behaviors that participants use to focus the exchange on their own self-interest rather than the shared objective. This post emphasizes the role of these behaviors in advancing a narcissist's sense of self-importance. Available here and by RSS on October 4.
And on October 11: Self-Importance and Conversational Narcissism at Work: II
- Self-importance is one of four major themes of conversational narcissism. Knowing how to recognize the patterns of conversational narcissism is a fundamental skill needed for controlling it. Here are eight examples that emphasize self-importance. Available here and by RSS on October 11.
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