Compulsive Talkers at Work: Addiction

Some people talk way more than we'd like them to. They talk incessantly. In extreme cases, we wonder how someone can talk so much and say so little. Getting a word in can be difficult, which is bad enough, but typically, we don't even want to participate in the so-called conversation. We just want these people to disappear, so we can get back to work, or just think, or have a real conversation with someone else.

What can you do about such people? How can you tell them that their behavior is unacceptable, without destroying the relationship?

Some call these people talkaholics, a word that's derived (by extension) from the term alcoholic. But the name is misleading, because alcoholism is a substance addiction, and "talkaholism" is probably a behavioral addiction, like gambling. [Note] Because substance ingestion isn't involved in talkaholism, I prefer the term compulsive talking or talking addiction.

We do have choices when dealing with compulsive talkers, but because the choices are somewhat unsatisfactory, the most severe challenge we face when dealing with compulsive talkers at work is accepting our own limitations. And the path to that acceptance begins with understanding the fundamentals of behavioral addiction.

Behavioral addiction Behavioral addiction involves a
compulsion to repeat a behavior
in spite of its severe negative
consequences to the individualinvolves a compulsion to repeat a behavior in spite of its severe negative consequences to the individual. The compulsion arises from re-enforcing and rewarding stimuli that are direct results of the behavior. The reward is psychic — that is, the individual interprets at least some consequences of the behavior as a positive experience. Repeatedly receiving the reward induces the person to repeat the behavior that generated the reward. Over time, the individual can become so focused on obtaining the reward by repeating the behavior, that the behavior can become the center of the individual's daily life.

For example, some people talk to calm themselves when they experience anxiety. When they feel anxious, they talk, and they feel better. The next time they feel anxious, they're a little more likely to talk. Soon, they engage in talking whenever they anticipate anxiety. And then the problem can become severe, especially if they develop anxiousness about talking too much. If that happens, they can enter a regime in which talking continuously is the only way they can gain any sense of relief from anxiety.

That's just one example of the many ways people can become addicted to talking. It's easy to see in that example why trying to convince a compulsive talker to "stop it" is a fool's errand. The attempt to convince the addict to abandon the addiction can itself intensify the addiction. So if we can't convince — and indeed ought not even try to convince — the compulsive talker to change, what can we do? We'll tackle that question next time.  Next in this series  Top    Next Issue

Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!

Footnotes

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Conflict Management:

Animosity Patterns

Animosity between two people at work is often attributed to "personality clashes." While sometimes people can't get along, animosity can also be a tool for accomplishing strictly political ends. Here's a short catalog of some of its uses.

Preventing Spontaneous Collapse of Agreements

Agreements between people at work are often the basis of resolving conflict or political differences. Sometimes agreements collapse spontaneously. When they do, the consequences can be costly. An understanding of the mechanisms of spontaneous collapse of agreements can help us craft more stable agreements.

Preventing the Hurt of Hurtful Dismissiveness

When we use the hurtfully dismissive remarks of others to make ourselves feel bad, there are techniques for recovering relatively quickly. But we can also learn to respond to these remarks altogether differently. When we do that, recovery is unnecessary.

Grace Under Fire: II

When we debate at work, things sometimes turn unpleasant. Out of control, one party might maneuver the other into losing control. If we have better tools for recognizing these tactics, we're better able to maintain self-control. Here's Part II of such a toolkit.

Creating Toxic Conflict: I

Many managers seem to operate as if their primary goal is to create toxic conflict among their subordinates. Here's a collection of methods for sowing toxic conflict that can help bad managers become worse managers.

See also Conflict Management and Emotions at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming July 24: The Stupidity Attribution Error

In workplace debates, we sometimes conclude erroneously that only stupidity can explain why our debate partners fail to grasp the elegance or importance of our arguments. There are many other possibilities. Available here and by RSS on July 24.

And on July 31: More Things I've Learned Along the Way: IV

When I have an important insight, or when I'm taught a lesson, I write it down. Here's Part IV from my personal collection. Available here and by RSS on July 31.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenmhXARWRMUvVyOdHlner@ChacxgDmtwOKrxnripPCoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, USD 11.95)
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, USD 11.95)
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, USD 11.95)
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, USD 11.95)
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, USD 11.95)
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, USD 28.99)

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info

Public seminars

The Race to the South Pole: Lessons in Leadership

On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. But to organizational leaders, business analysts, project sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. We'll use the history of this event to explore lessons in leadership and its application to organizational efforts. A fascinating and refreshing look at leadership from the vantage point of history. Read more about this program. Here's a date for this program:

• Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio 44017: November 7, Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
   

The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power

Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented 6:00 PM June 29 (Eastern Time), Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. You can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.