To deal effectively with problems, we need both strategy and tactics. Last time we explored why the strategy of convincing compulsive talkers to change their behavior is unlikely to succeed. If the goal is to end the disruptions caused by the compulsive talker, and if weâÄ™re unlikely to be able to convince the compulsive talker to stop, we need alternatives. Considering power relations can be illuminating.
In what follows, Iâ€™ll call the compulsive talker Sydney, which (lately) is a gender-neutral name.
- Relationship power
- Sometimes a close friend adopts a pattern of talking compulsively. If your relationship with Sydney is of reasonably long standing, and if itâ€™s based on genuine friendship and mutual respect, you have a rare opportunity. You probably canâ€™t help Sydney resolve the issue, but perhaps you can help him or her decide to seek an experienced counselor.
- Approaching privately, carefully, and respectfully, having asked for and received permission to offer advice, you can suggest that help would be, um, helpful. An approach from a position of caring might work.
- Organizational power
- Asking your supervisor to intervene is a promising option. If it works, the problem is resolved. But if Sydney is your supervisor, there is not much hope. You can try to bend conversations toward something more productive, but since Sydneyâ€™s objective lies elsewhere, success is unlikely. Because Sydneyâ€™s job performance is probably inadequate, eventual termination or reassignment is likely in Sydneyâ€™s future, assuming that Sydneyâ€™s supervisor is not also compromised somehow. Still, the only sure path to relief is to make a change yourself.
- The case in If your relationship with the compulsive
talker is of reasonably long standing,
and if itâ€™s based on genuine friendship and
mutual respect, you have a rare opportunitywhich Sydney isnâ€™t your supervisor, but is instead someone else with organizational power, is another difficult one. Again, for analogous reasons, your supervisor is unlikely to assist effectively, if at all, and making a change yourself is the most promising approach.
- Abuse of power
- Finally, there is the repugnant possibility that what seems like compulsive talking is actually sexual harassment. Such behavior is frequently, in essence, abuse of power. If the behavior is harassment masquerading as compulsive talking, itâ€™s likely that Sydney spends so much time talking to you not because of a need to talk, but rather as an inept but well-concealed attempt to initiate a sexual relationship.
- If this is a possibility, seek advice from a Human Resources representative. But beware. Merely seeking such advice, let alone lodging a complaint, can invite retaliation. Prepare concrete evidence: journal entries logging dates and times of incidents; direct, incriminating quotes; and willing witnesses who can corroborate your assertions. The more powerful Sydney is, the more dangerous it is file a complaint. It would be wise to seek legal advice before taking such steps.
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