Is It Arrogance or Confidence?

Of the many ways we risk offending each other, arrogance is among the easiest to trip over by accident, and among the easiest to identify mistakenly. Part of the problem may be the importance of context in choosing how to behave, or how to interpret the behavior of others. Although some behaviors are almost certain to be regarded as arrogant, others can seem arrogant in some contexts, and seem acceptably confident in others. One area of difficulty is distinguishing arrogance from confidence.

The differences between arrogance and confidence can be subtle. Briefly, though, confidence rests on assessments of one's own ability to successfully meet a challenge or complete a task. Arrogance relates to an assertion about — rather than an assessment of — one's own ability or privileges relative to the ability or privileges of another or others. Confidence compares oneself to the challenge. Arrogance compares oneself to others.

Boasting, especially with exaggeration, is probably the most easily recognized tactic of the arrogant, but it's unlikely to be confused with confidence. Other tactics provide more "cover" to arrogant actors intent on asserting dominance with plausible deniability. Here's an introductory exploration of some of the differences between arrogance and confidence.

Hobnobbing with the powerful

Face time with the powerful can benefit both parties. For both the more powerful person, and the less powerful but confident person, time together can be an opportunity both to influence and to learn.

The arrogant Boasting, especially with exaggeration,
is probably the most easily recognized
tactic of the arrogant, but it's unlikely
to be confused with confidenceand less powerful see face time with the powerful a bit differently. For the arrogant it's an opportunity to be seen as spending time with the powerful. And even if not actually witnessed by others, time spent with the powerful can provide material for later boasting.

Namedropping out of context

For the confident, mentioning the names of influential people in an appropriate context can be helpful in framing a question, illustrating a point, or validating facts.

For the arrogant, mentioning those same names can be useful for asserting superiority over listeners by implying a relationship — especially a familiar relationship — with the people whose names are being dropped. Sometimes the arrogant will even imply an endorsement by the person mentioned.

Knowing it all

The confident display their knowledge only to the extent needed when asking questions, providing suggestions, or responding to queries.

The arrogant display their knowledge for a purpose. They use it to establish or maintain superiority and dominance over their listeners, albeit often only in their own minds. In this pursuit, they offer sometimes-trivial notions out of context — or within context if the context can be sufficiently stretched. They steer conversations, situations, and discussions into areas where they believe they can dominate.

Never acknowledging mistakes

The confident don't shy from acknowledging mistakes or ignorance, because they understand that growth entails both errors and learning. They view making a mistake as an opportunity to learn.

The arrogant cannot admit to mistakes or acknowledge ignorance to any extent, because mistakes and ignorance create difficulties for them in their pursuit of dominance of everyone around them.

Other-deprecating humor

Self-deprecating humor can ease tense moments by providing everyone a good laugh. The confident can execute it well. But it need not be hilarious — mild wit can be enough. Example: "Whenever I make a mistake, I remind myself that I probably didn't invent that particular way to goof up."

The arrogant cannot indulge in self-deprecating humor because it conflicts with their objective of asserting dominance over all. Other-deprecating humor fits into the program nicely, even though its humor is lost on all but the arrogant. Example: "Whenever you make a mistake, it reminds me to be grateful none of it got on me."

Mistaking confidence for arrogance is a most unfortunate error. It prevents the people making such errors from availing themselves of whatever the confident person so misidentified might have to offer. The loss is most tragic when the people making these errors do so out of arrogance, as a defense against their own lack of confidence.  Top    Next Issue

Is every other day a tense, anxious, angry misery as you watch people around you, who couldn't even think their way through a game of Jacks, win at workplace politics and steal the credit and glory for just about everyone's best work including yours? Read 303 Secrets of Workplace Politics, filled with tips and techniques for succeeding in workplace politics. More info

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Workplace Politics:

Practice Positive Politics

Politics is a dirty word at work, as elsewhere. We think of it as purely destructive, often distorting decisions and leading the organization in wrong directions. And sometimes, it does. Politics can be constructive, though, and you can help to make it so.

Ten Tactics for Tough Times: II

When you find yourself in a tough spot politically, what can you do? Most of us obsess about the situation for a while, and then if we still have time to act, we do what seems best. Here's Part II of a set of approaches that can organize your thinking and shorten the obsessing.

Narcissistic Behavior at Work: VII

Narcissistic behavior at work prevents trusting relationships from developing. It also disrupts existing relationships, and generates toxic conflict. One class of behaviors that's especially threatening to relationships is disregard for the feelings of others. In this part of our series we examine the effects of that disregard.

The Fallacy of Division

Errors of reasoning are pervasive in everyday thought in most organizations. One of the more common errors is called the Fallacy of Division, in which we assume that attributes of a class apply to all members of that class. It leads to ridiculous results.

Off-Putting and Conversational Narcissism at Work: I

Having off-putting interactions is one of four themes of conversational narcissism. Here are six behavioral patterns that relate to off-putting interactions and how abusers use them to control conversations.

See also Workplace Politics and Devious Political Tactics for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming July 3: Additive bias…or Not: II

Additive bias is a cognitive bias that many believe contributes to bloat of commercial products. When we change products to make them more capable, additive bias might not play a role, because economic considerations sometimes favor additive approaches. Available here and by RSS on July 3.

And on July 10: On Delegating Accountability: I

As the saying goes, "You can't delegate your own accountability." Despite wide knowledge of this aphorism, people try it from time to time, especially when overcome by the temptation of a high-risk decision. What can you delegate, and how can you do it? Available here and by RSS on July 10.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrendPtoGuFOkTSMQOzxner@ChacEgGqaylUnkmwIkkwoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info