Is It Arrogance or Confidence?

Of the many ways we risk offending each other, arrogance is among the easiest to trip over by accident, and among the easiest to identify mistakenly. Part of the problem may be the importance of context in choosing how to behave, or how to interpret the behavior of others. Although some behaviors are almost certain to be regarded as arrogant, others can seem arrogant in some contexts, and seem acceptably confident in others. One area of difficulty is distinguishing arrogance from confidence.

The differences between arrogance and confidence can be subtle. Briefly, though, confidence rests on assessments of one's own ability to successfully meet a challenge or complete a task. Arrogance relates to an assertion about — rather than an assessment of — one's own ability or privileges relative to the ability or privileges of another or others. Confidence compares oneself to the challenge. Arrogance compares oneself to others.

Boasting, especially with exaggeration, is probably the most easily recognized tactic of the arrogant, but it's unlikely to be confused with confidence. Other tactics provide more "cover" to arrogant actors intent on asserting dominance with plausible deniability. Here's an introductory exploration of some of the differences between arrogance and confidence.

Hobnobbing with the powerful

Face time with the powerful can benefit both parties. For both the more powerful person, and the less powerful but confident person, time together can be an opportunity both to influence and to learn.

The arrogant Boasting, especially with exaggeration,
is probably the most easily recognized
tactic of the arrogant, but it's unlikely
to be confused with confidenceand less powerful see face time with the powerful a bit differently. For the arrogant it's an opportunity to be seen as spending time with the powerful. And even if not actually witnessed by others, time spent with the powerful can provide material for later boasting.

Namedropping out of context

For the confident, mentioning the names of influential people in an appropriate context can be helpful in framing a question, illustrating a point, or validating facts.

For the arrogant, mentioning those same names can be useful for asserting superiority over listeners by implying a relationship — especially a familiar relationship — with the people whose names are being dropped. Sometimes the arrogant will even imply an endorsement by the person mentioned.

Knowing it all

The confident display their knowledge only to the extent needed when asking questions, providing suggestions, or responding to queries.

The arrogant display their knowledge for a purpose. They use it to establish or maintain superiority and dominance over their listeners, albeit often only in their own minds. In this pursuit, they offer sometimes-trivial notions out of context — or within context if the context can be sufficiently stretched. They steer conversations, situations, and discussions into areas where they believe they can dominate.

Never acknowledging mistakes

The confident don't shy from acknowledging mistakes or ignorance, because they understand that growth entails both errors and learning. They view making a mistake as an opportunity to learn.

The arrogant cannot admit to mistakes or acknowledge ignorance to any extent, because mistakes and ignorance create difficulties for them in their pursuit of dominance of everyone around them.

Other-deprecating humor

Self-deprecating humor can ease tense moments by providing everyone a good laugh. The confident can execute it well. But it need not be hilarious — mild wit can be enough. Example: "Whenever I make a mistake, I remind myself that I probably didn't invent that particular way to goof up."

The arrogant cannot indulge in self-deprecating humor because it conflicts with their objective of asserting dominance over all. Other-deprecating humor fits into the program nicely, even though its humor is lost on all but the arrogant. Example: "Whenever you make a mistake, it reminds me to be grateful none of it got on me."

Mistaking confidence for arrogance is a most unfortunate error. It prevents the people making such errors from availing themselves of whatever the confident person so misidentified might have to offer. The loss is most tragic when the people making these errors do so out of arrogance, as a defense against their own lack of confidence.  Top    Next Issue

Is every other day a tense, anxious, angry misery as you watch people around you, who couldn't even think their way through a game of Jacks, win at workplace politics and steal the credit and glory for just about everyone's best work including yours? Read 303 Secrets of Workplace Politics, filled with tips and techniques for succeeding in workplace politics. More info

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Workplace Politics:

Reverse Micromanagement

Micromanagement is too familiar to too many of us. Less familiar is inappropriate interference in the reverse direction — in the work of our supervisors or even higher in the chain. Disciplinary action isn't always helpful, especially when some of the causes of reverse micromanagement are organizational.

What You See Isn't Always What You Get

We all engage in interpreting the behavior of others, usually without thinking much about it. Whenever you notice yourself having a strong reaction to someone's behavior, consider the possibility that your interpretation has outrun what you actually know.

Projects as Proxy Targets: I

Some projects have detractors so determined to prevent project success that there's very little they won't do to create conditions for failure. Here's Part I of a catalog of tactics they use.

Projects as Proxy Targets: II

Most projects have both supporters and detractors. When a project has been approved and execution begins, some detractors don't give up. Here's Part II of a catalog of tactics detractors use to sow chaos.

Suppressing Dissent: II

Disagreeing with the majority in a meeting, or in some cases, merely disagreeing with the Leader, can lead to isolation and other personal difficulties. Here is Part II of a set of tactics used by Leaders who choose not to tolerate differences of opinion, emphasizing the meeting context.

See also Workplace Politics and Devious Political Tactics for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming October 7: Seven More Planning Pitfalls: III

Planning teams, like all teams, are vulnerable to several patterns of interaction that can lead to counter-productive results. Two of these relevant to planners are a cognitive bias called the IKEA Effect, and a systemic bias against realistic estimates of cost and schedule. Available here and by RSS on October 7.

And on October 14: Power Mobbing at Work

Mobbing is a form of group bullying of an individual — the target. Power mobbing occurs when a politically powerful person orchestrates the mobbing. It's a form of bullying that is especially harmful to the target and the organization. Available here and by RSS on October 14.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenmhXARWRMUvVyOdHlner@ChacxgDmtwOKrxnripPCoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info

Public seminars

The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power

Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   
• A recording of a program presented June 29, 2017, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   

Bullet Points: Mastery or Madness?

Decision-makers in modern organizations commonly demand briefings in the form of bullet points or a series of series of bullet points. But this form of presentation has limited value for complex decisions. We need something more. We actually need to think. Briefers who combine the bullet-point format with a variety of persuasion techniques can mislead decision-makers, guiding them into making poor decisions. Read more about this program.

• A recording of a program presented June 24, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.
   
• A recording of a program presented June 24, Monthly Webinar, sponsored by Technobility Webinar Series. PMI members can earn 1.0 Category 'A' PDU by viewing this program. View this program now.