The Risks of Rehearsals

To rehearse a conversation is to play it out in your mind, or perhaps aloud. We play out both parts of a conversation — both what we would say and what our conversation partner would say. Rehearsal can be a constructive part of preparing for a difficult or challenging exchange. It can be especially constructive when performed with a colleague willing to faithfully play the role of your partner in the upcoming conversation.

But there is another kind of rehearsal that's far less constructive. Because these rehearsals usually take place in the mind, let's call them imagined rehearsals. They tend to evoke strong emotions from the general category of anger — emotions like indignation, fury, rage, or wrath. Some imagined rehearsals take the form of reports of anticipated events, including phrases like, "I said" or "He/She said." Or they might include imagined scenes complete with actions, as in a play or vignette.

Rarely do imagined rehearsals prepare us for reality. Because we don't subject their scripts to tests of objectivity, we're free to bias our imagined rehearsals in directions that provide satisfaction instead of preparation. Instead of preparing us for possible actual events, imagined rehearsals prepare us for scenes unlikely to occur. When the actual event unfolds in a different way, our "preparation" might turn out to be misleading or even harmful, because the real event is so very different from the imagined rehearsal.

There are two kinds of imagined rehearsals that can be especially harmful. In what follows, I'll use the name Calvin for the person Conducting the imagined rehearsal. And I'll use the name Parker for Calvin's Partner in imagined conversation. By a coin flip, I'll use male gender for Calvin and female for Parker.

Premier rehearsals

Premier rehearsals Rarely do imagined rehearsals
prepare us for reality. We're
free to bias them in directions
that provide satisfaction
instead of preparation.are imagined rehearsals of events yet to occur. In a premier rehearsal, Calvin imagines a dominating performance. Parker is utterly trounced, caught in multiple lies, shown to be biased, or convicted of criminal hypocrisy. Only Calvin's sense of mercy preserves Parker's few remaining shreds of dignity.

Premier rehearsals are dangerous for Calvin in two ways. First, the real Parker is a living, breathing person who can mount both effective defenses and effective counterattacks. More important, the real Parker certainly has knowledge Calvin does not. And the real Parker can use that knowledge in crafting those defenses and counterattacks. Because of the imagined rehearsal, Calvin is unprepared for these moves, and therefore probably overconfident.

Second, imagined rehearsals evoke strong emotions. In running the rehearsals, Calvin might experience significant psychic pain. The rehearsal might have been imagined, but the pain might be very real. And although actual rehearsals — for example, by drama companies or orchestras — are few in number, imagined rehearsals like Calvin's might run again and again and again. Imagined rehearsals can be exhausting. The energy dissipated in imagined rehearsals would certainly be better spent in devising strategy or enhancing future performance.

Rerun rehearsals

A rerun rehearsal is a rehearsal of an event similar to one that has already occurred. In a rerun rehearsal, Calvin tries alternative tactics that differ from those he used the first time around. In addition to phrases such as, "I said" or "She said," Calvin might use, "I wanted to say" or "I was thinking."

Rerun rehearsals can be even more harmful to Calvin than premier rehearsals, for two reasons. First, they foster a sense in Calvin that the past can be revised. Since Calvin has no such power, rerun rehearsals can become the basis for a delusional overestimation of his own abilities and likewise, delusional underestimation of Parker's abilities.

Second, rerun rehearsals occur after Calvin has experienced the event on which he bases the rerun. Any information Parker revealed in the event, and which came as a surprise to Calvin, is now in Calvin's possession. Calvin can use that information to revise his tactics, eliminating the disadvantage of surprise during the rerun rehearsal. This kind of revision further distorts Calvin's estimation of his true ability to deal with Parker.

Last words

Certainly there are other kinds of rehearsals just as damaging or painful as premiers and reruns. When you catch yourself conducting a rehearsal, ask yourself a question: "What could I be thinking about instead of this?" Answering that question is usually easy. The tricky part is catching yourself conducting a rehearsal. Here's an idea: get a conductor's baton. Keep it on your desk. Move it around once in a while to prevent it becoming a background fixture. Under $10.00 at Amazon.  Top    Next Issue

Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Conflict Management:

A Critique of Criticism: II

To make things better, we criticize, but we often miss the mark. We inflict pain without meaning to, and some of that pain comes back to us. How can we get better outcomes, while reducing the risks of inflicting pain?

Impasses in Group Decision Making: III

In group decision making, impasses can develop. Some are related to the substance of the issue at hand. With some effort, we can usually resolve substantive impasses. But treating nonsubstantive impasses in the same way doesn't work. Here's why.

Reaching Agreements in Technological Contexts

Reaching consensus in technological contexts presents special challenges. Problems can arise from interactions between the technological elements of the issue at hand, and the social dynamics of the group addressing that issue. Here are three examples.

Commenting on the Work of Others

Commenting on the work of others risks damaging relationships. It can make future collaboration more difficult. To be safe when commenting about others' work, know the basic principles that distinguish appropriate and inappropriate comments.

Project Procrastination

Sometimes we delay dealing with one of a project's tasks because circumstances require it. At other times, we're procrastinating — the delay makes us more comfortable or provides personal benefits. Here are five causes of project procrastination.

See also Conflict Management and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming April 30: On Planning in Plan-Hostile Environments: II

When we finally execute plans, we encounter obstacles. So we find workarounds or adjust the plans. But there are times when nothing we try gets us back on track. When this happens for nearly every plan, we might be working in a plan-hostile environment. Available here and by RSS on April 30.

And on May 7: Subject Matter Bullying

Most workplace bullying tactics have analogs in the schoolyard — isolation, physical attacks, name-calling, and rumor-mongering are common examples. Subject matter bullying might be an exception, because it requires expertise in a sophisticated knowledge domain. And that's where trouble begins. Available here and by RSS on May 7.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenfHlRlTgqCIXkUHBTner@ChacrEuHRQPYVKkOucGfoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info