Criticizing the work of others is risky. But we needn't go much beyond "Hi, how's it going" to run into trouble in some situations. A mere comment or innocent query about the work of others might be enough to light the fire. Much has been said and written about how to frame "constructive criticism," including previous posts of my own. [Indeed 2023] [MyHub 2022] I'm certain all these writings have helped some people, but to widen the circle, I'm taking a different approach in this post. This post is written as a field manual for those who want to inflict pain on others by commenting on their work.
When considering how destructive criticism causes pain, clarity can facilitate insight. That insight is valuable to both the giver and receiver of destructive criticism, even when destructiveness is unintentional. And in this approach there's little risk of adding to the toolkits of those intent on malice, because they're already way ahead of anything you or I can imagine. Let's get to it.
Comments and questions about their work
The comments and questions most likely to feel like criticisms are those related to properties of the work that the authors of the work are unable to change. Choose something that might have been decided earlier in the development or design process, but which is so fundamental that changing it now is infeasible. Even better, choose something that was forced on the authors by Senior Management, over the authors' strong objections. It's difficult to find something more irritating than criticizing someone's work on the basis of the errors of their managers.
Even innocent questions can be inflammatory if you structure them right. Asking about the work in a way that attacks the work's authors is the key. For example, consider the question, "I don't understand how to change the name of a task. Can you explain that for me?" Because this question focuses on the state of mind of the questioner, it's relatively non-hostile. It's even a bit self-deprecating. To give it a better chance of seeming to be a hostile criticism, ask it this way: "How do you change the name of a task?" Even better: "Changing the name of a task is very confusing. How is that done?"
Comments about your own work or experience
One Condescension is an indispensable tool of
those intent on inflicting insults on othersindispensable tool of those intent on inflicting insults on others is condescension. For example, instead of asking how to rename a task, try: "When we created the Tangerine System, we had a much simpler task-renaming protocol. Why on earth didn't you use that?" But it isn't necessary to be as openly rude as that. A more devious approach also works: "How would you compare your task-renaming protocol to the much simpler one in the Tangerine System?"
The general principle is simple. Construct your comments in the form, "Unlike you, I'm smart enough to avoid the problem of X." Alternatively, for variety, try "Your approach has problems with X, but when I had a similar task, I exploited X to create a perfect solution."
Providing advice or information unbidden
Advice is welcome when it's requested. But absent a request, advice — even sound advice — is often resented. That's the fundamental principle underlying this third tactic for inflicting pain by commenting on the work of others. Don't offer advice — give it. Don't wait for permission to provide advice. Don't wait for a request for advice. Jump straight to the advice. If possible, advise the authors of the work to do something you know they previously rejected. Even better: advise them to do something they proposed but which was rejected by higher authority. Or advise them to do something that violates the law (Human or Natural). Use the old adage, "If you want to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs." After all, it's their career on the line, not yours.
Last words
All of the above techniques can be effective in many situations. But they all have a better chance of inflicting pain and insult when you execute them in a public setting. The more people present — and the more politically powerful they are — the more negative is the effect. Top Next Issue
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
Footnotes
Your comments are welcome
Would you like to see your comments posted here? rbrenyrWpTxHuyCrjZbUpner@ChacnoFNuSyWlVzCaGfooCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.
This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.
Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
Related articles
More articles on Conflict Management:
- The High Cost of Low Trust: II
- Truly paying attention to Trust at work is rare, in part, because we don't fully appreciate what distrust
really costs. Here's Part II of a little catalog of how we cope with distrust, and how we pay for it.
- Social Safety Margins
- As our personal workloads increase, we endure more stress and more time pressure. Inevitably, we have
less time for the social niceties that protect us from accidentally hurting each other's feelings. When
are we most at risk of incidental harm, and what can we do about it?
- Reframing Hurtful Dismissiveness
- Targets of dismissive remarks often feel that their concerns are being judged as unimportant, which
can be painful when their concerns are real. But there is an alternative to pain. It requires a little
skill and discipline, but it can work.
- Quips That Work at Work: I
- Perhaps you've heard that humor can defuse tense situations. Often, a clever quip, deftly delivered,
does help. And sometimes, it's a total disaster. What accounts for the difference?
- During-Action Reviews
- When you depend on internal services to get your job done, and they aren't being delivered in a customer-oriented
fashion, solving the problem during the incident isn't likely to work. Here are seven tips for addressing
the issue.
See also Conflict Management and Conflict Management for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming September 4: Beating the Layoffs: I
- If you work in an organization likely to conduct layoffs soon, keep in mind that exiting voluntarily before the layoffs can carry significant advantages. Here are some that relate to self-esteem, financial anxiety, and future employment. Available here and by RSS on September 4.
- And on September 11: Beating the Layoffs: II
- If you work in an organization likely to conduct layoffs soon, keep in mind that exiting voluntarily can carry advantages. Here are some advantages that relate to collegial relationships, future interviews, health, and severance packages. Available here and by RSS on September 11.
Coaching services
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenyrWpTxHuyCrjZbUpner@ChacnoFNuSyWlVzCaGfooCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the ebook!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
- Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
- Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
- Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
- Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
- Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
- Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
Follow Rick
Recommend this issue to a friend
Send an email message to a friend
rbrenyrWpTxHuyCrjZbUpner@ChacnoFNuSyWlVzCaGfooCanyon.comSend a message to Rick
A Tip A Day feed
Point Lookout weekly feed