
A roaring lion, a metaphor for what can happen when comments on the work of another lead to toxic conflict. The response of the person whose work is the topic of the exchange might seem disproportionate. But it can be less mysterious when one considers the roaring lion to represent that person's experience of the commentary.
Criticizing the work of others is risky. But we needn't go much beyond "Hi, how's it going" to run into trouble in some situations. A mere comment or innocent query about the work of others might be enough to light the fire. Much has been said and written about how to frame "constructive criticism," including previous posts of my own. [Indeed 2023] [MyHub 2022] I'm certain all these writings have helped some people, but to widen the circle, I'm taking a different approach in this post. This post is written as a field manual for those who want to inflict pain on others by commenting on their work.
When considering how destructive criticism causes pain, clarity can facilitate insight. That insight is valuable to both the giver and receiver of destructive criticism, even when destructiveness is unintentional. And in this approach there's little risk of adding to the toolkits of those intent on malice, because they're already way ahead of anything you or I can imagine. Let's get to it.
Comments and questions about their work
The comments and questions most likely to feel like criticisms are those related to properties of the work that the authors of the work are unable to change. Choose something that might have been decided earlier in the development or design process, but which is so fundamental that changing it now is infeasible. Even better, choose something that was forced on the authors by Senior Management, over the authors' strong objections. It's difficult to find something more irritating than criticizing someone's work on the basis of the errors of their managers.
Even innocent questions can be inflammatory if you structure them right. Asking about the work in a way that attacks the work's authors is the key. For example, consider the question, "I don't understand how to change the name of a task. Can you explain that for me?" Because this question focuses on the state of mind of the questioner, it's relatively non-hostile. It's even a bit self-deprecating. To give it a better chance of seeming to be a hostile criticism, ask it this way: "How do you change the name of a task?" Even better: "Changing the name of a task is very confusing. How is that done?"
Comments about your own work or experience
One Condescension is an indispensable tool of
those intent on inflicting insults on othersindispensable tool of those intent on inflicting insults on others is condescension. For example, instead of asking how to rename a task, try: "When we created the Tangerine System, we had a much simpler task-renaming protocol. Why on earth didn't you use that?" But it isn't necessary to be as openly rude as that. A more devious approach also works: "How would you compare your task-renaming protocol to the much simpler one in the Tangerine System?"
The general principle is simple. Construct your comments in the form, "Unlike you, I'm smart enough to avoid the problem of X." Alternatively, for variety, try "Your approach has problems with X, but when I had a similar task, I exploited X to create a perfect solution."
Providing advice or information unbidden
Advice is welcome when it's requested. But absent a request, advice — even sound advice — is often resented. That's the fundamental principle underlying this third tactic for inflicting pain by commenting on the work of others. Don't offer advice — give it. Don't wait for permission to provide advice. Don't wait for a request for advice. Jump straight to the advice. If possible, advise the authors of the work to do something you know they previously rejected. Even better: advise them to do something they proposed but which was rejected by higher authority. Or advise them to do something that violates the law (Human or Natural). Use the old adage, "If you want to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs." After all, it's their career on the line, not yours.
Last words
All of the above techniques can be effective in many situations. But they all have a better chance of inflicting pain and insult when you execute them in a public setting. The more people present — and the more politically powerful they are — the more negative is the effect. Top
Next Issue
Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!
Footnotes
Your comments are welcome
Would you like to see your comments posted here? rbrenogMhuqCxAnbfLvzbner@ChacigAthhhYwzZDgxshoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and
found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.
This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.
Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.
Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.
Related articles
More articles on Conflict Management:
Saying No
- When we have to say "no" to customers or to people in power, we're often tempted to placate
with a "yes." There's a better way: learn how to say "no" in a way that moves the
group toward joint problem solving.
Compulsive Talkers at Work: Power
- Compulsive talkers are unlikely to change their behavior in response to your polite (or even impolite)
requests. In this second part of our exploration, we consider the role of power — both personal
and organizational.
Strategies of Verbal Abusers
- Verbal abuse at work has special properties, because it takes place in an environment in which verbal
abuse is supposedly proscribed. Yet verbal abuse does happen at work. Here are three strategies abusers
rely on to avoid disciplinary action.
Organizational Roots of Toxic Conflict
- When toxic conflict erupts in a team, cooperation ends and person-to-person attacks begin. Usually we
hold responsible the people involved. But in some cases, the organization is the root cause, and then
replacing or disciplining the people might not help.
Kerfuffles That Seem Like Something More
- Much of what we regard as political conflict is a series of squabbles commonly called kerfuffles. They
captivate us while they're underway, but after a month or two they're forgotten. Why do they happen?
Why do they persist?
See also Conflict Management and Workplace Politics for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
Coming December 13: Contrary Indicators of Psychological Safety: I
- To take the risks that learning and practicing new ways require, we all need a sense that trial-and-error approaches are safe. Organizations seeking to improve processes would do well to begin by assessing their level of psychological safety. Available here and by RSS on December 13.
And on December 20: Contrary Indicators of Psychological Safety: II
- When we begin using new tools or processes, we make mistakes. Practice is the cure, but practice can be scary if the grace period for early mistakes is too short. For teams adopting new methods, psychological safety is a fundamental component of success. Available here and by RSS on December 20.
Coaching services
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenogMhuqCxAnbfLvzbner@ChacigAthhhYwzZDgxshoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
Get the ebook!
Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
- Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
- Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
- Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
- Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
- Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
- Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info
Follow Rick





Recommend this issue to a friend
Send an email message to a friend
rbrenogMhuqCxAnbfLvzbner@ChacigAthhhYwzZDgxshoCanyon.comSend a message to Rick
A Tip A Day feed
Point Lookout weekly feed
