The audience applauded much more than politely, Leanne thought. That was saying a lot, because Sixers Plus was a "tough room" these days. Sixers Plus (not its real name) is one of those networking groups of unemployed ex-six-figures-plus executives, entrepreneurs, senior managers, and technical wunderkinder. It sponsors training, networking, and occasional uplifting speakers, which was what had attracted Leanne.
That night's topic, "Living Your Dreams," had obviously moved them all, and Leanne was glad she was there. She had Cheryl to thank for that, so she turned to her right as they applauded, and thanked her with her smile and her eyes.
Cheryl did not look good.
The Q&A began, and a 40-ish man at the back asked: "What do you do when you're feeling so low, day after day, that you don't have any dreams you'd ever want to live?"
Cheryl suddenly stood up, sidestepped hurriedly past a couple of people to the aisle, and walked out the back door. Leanne knew without asking that Cheryl's tears had returned. As the speaker delivered what was probably a really good answer, Leanne waited a moment, and then followed Cheryl out the door, hoping to help somehow, if she could catch her. Leanne was a good friend.
These last few years
have been hard.
Some have lost hope.These past few years have been hard. We've lost business, jobs, savings, homes, and companies, and on September Eleventh, many of us lost colleagues, friends, or loved ones. Some of us have lost hope. What do you do when you're down so low the only place to go is up?
Some things to remember:
- Misfortune and tragedy hurt
- Feeling bad after misfortune or tragedy is OK. If you hurt, that's good — it means the circuits are still working. Not feeling bad would be more worrisome.
- Watch out for "should"
- Telling yourself "I shouldn't feel bad," might make you feel bad about feeling bad, which is self-perpetuating. If you feel bad, you feel bad. That's all.
- Feel how you feel
- To deal with your feelings, feel them. You can't feel them if you deny to yourself how you feel.
- Everything is easier with support
- Get support from a friend, your spouse, a relative, a significant other, clergy or a therapist. Find someone who will steady you through the rocky patches.
- Be open about psychotherapy
- For many, psychotherapy has a stigma. Investigate it anyway. Find a therapist and just talk for a session or two. Then find another. Make no commitments until you feel comfortable with someone.
- Practice happiness
- Unhappiness can be a habit — a pattern of thinking or doing that you overuse. Habits don't die, but you can replace them with new habits, through practice. Do the things that used to make you happy, even if you're just going through the motions. Think of it as emotional aerobics.
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More articles on Emotions at Work:
- Believe It or Else
- When we use threats and intimidation to win debates or agreement, we lay a flimsy foundation for future
action. Using fear may win the point, but little more.
- Begging the Question
- Begging the question is a common, usually undetected, rhetorical fallacy. It leads to unsupported conclusions
and painful places we just can't live with. What can we do when it happens?
- Reverse Micromanagement
- Micromanagement is too familiar to too many of us. Less familiar is inappropriate interference in the
reverse direction — in the work of our supervisors or even higher in the chain. Disciplinary action
isn't always helpful, especially when some of the causes of reverse micromanagement are organizational.
- Making Memories to Cherish
- We all have cherished memories — lovely moments we can replay whenever we want to feel happy.
How would you like to have a lot more of them?
- Help for Finding Help
- When we find ourselves at a loss for finding a good path forward, and we feel overwhelmed by events,
support can make things easier. But seeking support is difficult for some. Why is that?
See also Emotions at Work for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming February 27: Brainstorming and Speedstorming: II
- Recent research into the effectiveness of brainstorming has raised some questions. Motivated to examine alternatives, I ran into speedstorming. Here's Part II of an exploration of the properties of speedstorming. Available here and by RSS on February 27.
- And on March 6: A Pain Scale for Meetings
- Most meetings could be shorter, less frequent, and more productive than they are. Part of the problem is that we don't realize how much we do to get in our own way. If we track the incidents of dysfunctional activity, we can use the data to spot trends and take corrective action. Available here and by RSS on March 6.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.