Some lessons seem hard to learn — or at least, we require several tries to learn them. We make some of the same mistakes repeatedly, or we invent whole catalogs of mistake variations. You can tell when you've met one of these situations, because you have a clear sense of whoops-been-here-before.
Some of these hard lessons relate to coping with disappointments. Here are some examples.
- Almost nothing goes the way it's supposed to go the first time. And usually not the second time, either.
- When the available data conflicts with cherished beliefs, reconsidering those beliefs usually works better than clinging to them for dear life.
- When the available data conflicts with other people's cherished beliefs, they sometimes reject that data, or adopt with very weak evidence (or none) new postulates to explain why the data doesn't really conflict with their beliefs. You can't control what they do.
- Re-examine cherished beliefs periodically, even when there's no conflicting data.
- When the available data conflicts with how you wish things were, try changing your wishes.
- When what you desire absolutely requires sacrifices you're unprepared to make, you have to either change your desires or make those sacrifices.
- When what you want for other people conflicts with what they want for themselves, it's wise (though usually difficult) to remember that they're in charge of their lives.
- When what you want to say to someone will probably have explosive or hurtful results, it's usually (but not always) best to let it remain unsaid until you can find a gentler, safer way. If you can't find a gentler, safer way, you might have to take a chance, but one option is always silence.
- When you disagree with someone, and he or she is unwilling or unable to discuss the matter reasonably, and you push ahead anyway, the chances of a good outcome are tiny.Re-examine cherished beliefs
periodically, even when there's
no conflicting data
- When you're the lone dissenter in a group you're working with, and they no longer want to hear from you, that's their choice to make. Respect it.
- When you no longer want to hear about something from someone who insists on making you listen, you must either accept that you will hear it again, or find a way to make him or her stop, or use the wondrous tool called "removal to a distance."
- Very little of what you've achieved was accomplished unaided. Credit for your achievements is much more valuable when shared.
- When your sense of fairness and right conflicts with what somebody more powerful wants, either make an accommodation, or move on, or become more powerful. Or some combination thereof.
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More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:
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Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
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- One of the more counter-effective strategies incorporated into performance management systems is the enterprise-wide uniform quota, known as a vitality curve. Its fundamental injustice breeds cynicism, performance fraud, and toxic conflict. It produces performance assessments that are unrelated to enterprise objectives. Available here and by RSS on October 16.
- And on October 23: Power Distance and Teams
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On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. But to organizational leaders, business analysts, project sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. We'll use the history of this event to explore lessons in leadership and its application to organizational efforts. A fascinating and refreshing look at leadership from the vantage point of history. Read more about this program.
Here's a date for this program:
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio
44017: November 7,
Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio 44017: November 7, Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
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