Returning from another meaningless meeting with the site team, Rebecca stepped out of the elevator and walked to her office on autopilot — until she passed her boss's office. His door was closed again. So she poked her head into Jean's doorway. "What's happening now?"
Jean looked up, surprised. "Wolcott, and their site manager. I thought you were in there."
Rebecca blanched. Another in a long string of snubs. She stepped in, closed Jean's door and slumped in the chair.
A message is only a message.
It's not necessarily
an accurate message."I'm sorry," said Jean. "it just slipped out."
"No, it's not you. I'd rather know. What am I doing wrong? I ran this project for the past year, really well, I thought. New boss, and Pow. I'm worthless. I feel sick."
"We're all unhappy with Neal," said Jean, trying to console her friend.
"No, this is different. He schedules meetings I can't make, he closes the door in my face, he wants me to get his signature whenever I want to inhale. I'm a wreck."
Rebecca is going through a rough patch. Neal, her boss, is telling her indirectly — and frequently — that her contributions aren't helpful.
But a message is only a message. It's not necessarily an accurate message. Here's a simple example.
I can make the Sun do a loop-de-loop. At noon tomorrow, look outside and watch the Sun for a clear demonstration of my awesome powers.
Do you believe that message? Certainly not. It's a message, but it's false. Here's another example:
Rebecca, you're incompetent. The only way to save the company from you is to have you ask for my signature every time you want to inhale.
That's just another message. Rebecca can decide whether it's accurate. Given that she's been doing her job well for years, the message is probably false. No matter how often it's repeated, it remains a false message.
What can you do if your boss continually sends false messages that you're incompetent?
- Begin with your Self
- Do you believe the messages? Your feeling bad is clear proof that you don't — feeling bad is what happens when a negative message bumps into your self-image. If the message is false, recognize it.
- Reject false messages
- Sometimes we accept false messages simply because of the sender's authority. A false message is false no matter who sends it. Reject it.
- Recognize your limitations
- In hierarchical organizations, your status determines the size of your megaphone. A boss who intends to prove that you're a nonperformer can probably win the message war.
If your boss uses these tactics, you'll probably have to find a new job — or a new boss. Whatever you do, you're in for an adventure. Choose a path that you can look back on someday and feel proud of. Top
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Reader Comments
- Dale Emery (www.dhemery.com)
- Today's Point Lookout reminds me of Charlie Seashore's "Briefcase Method" of receiving feedback. Charlie says, "When you receive feedback, you don't have to act on it right then, or even think about it. Imagine putting it in your briefcase. At some later time, you can take the feedback out and examine it to see whether it fits for you. Or you can throw it away." (In a session on feedback at a workshop at the Einstein Institute way the heck out on Cape Cod.)
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Related articles
More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:
Excuses, Excuses
- When a goal remains unaccomplished, we sometimes tell ourselves that we understand why. And sometimes
we do. But at other times, we're just fooling ourselves.
Management Debt: I
- Management debt, like technical debt, arises when we choose paths — usually the lowest-cost paths
— that lead to recurring costs that are typically higher than alternatives. Why do we take on
management debt? How can we pay it down?
Why Do Business Fads Form?
- The rise of a business fad is due to the actions of both its advocates and adopters. Understanding the
interplay between them is essential for successful resistance.
Wacky Words of Wisdom: III
- Adages are so elegantly stated that we have difficulty doubting them. Here's Part III of a collection
of often-misapplied adages.
Performance Issues for Nonsupervisors
- If, in part of your job, you're a nonsupervisory leader, such as a team lead or a project manager, you
face special challenges when dealing with performance issues. Here are some guidelines for nonsupervisors.
See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
Coming August 10: Covert Verbal Abuse at Work
- Verbal abuse at work uses written or spoken language to disparage, disadvantage, or harm others. Perpetrators favor tactics they can subsequently deny having used. Even more favored are abusive tactics that are so subtle that others don't notice them. Available here and by RSS on August 10.
And on August 17: Why Meetings Go Down Rabbit Holes
- When a meeting goes "down the rabbit hole," it has swerved from the planned topic to detail-purgatory, problem-solving-hell, irrelevance, or worse. All participants, not only the Chair, contribute to the problem. Why does this happen? Available here and by RSS on August 17.
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