Since it was a longish layover, Terri suggested that they go up to the observation deck, where they could watch the take-offs and landings, and where she knew there were about a dozen wooden rocking chairs. Reluctantly, Kyle agreed.
After only three rocks Kyle felt the urge to thank Terri. "Good idea, Terri. Thank you."
She smiled. They rocked a while.
Kyle spoke. "I wonder how we got here," he said.
"You mean…" Terri left it open.
"You know, shipping it when we knew it was a mess. This trip is so predictable, so unnecessary."
"Yeah. But we really didn't have a choice."
Perhaps. It does happen. Or perhaps they didn't want to have a choice.
Choosing from alternatives that cause discomfort or anxiety can make life complex. Often, we're more comfortable with limited options, even though later we might regret having chosen one of them.
Here are just a few of the reasons why we limit our own choices.
- Difficult choices can cause
discomfort. Sometimes, we'd
rather not have a choice.We're afraid of — or can't discuss — some of the unspoken choices. For instance, even though canceling a troubled project is always a choice, we seldom consider cancellation. See "Workplace Taboos and Change," Point Lookout for February 26, 2003.
- It's my football
- Those controlling the decision process have a favored option, which is already on the table. They don't want to develop more options.
- It's their football
- The options we already have include one that would please those who finally approve our choice. We converge on the one we think they want.
- Fear of success
- We prefer to go with what we know, rather than take risks that might lead to something better. Virginia Satir captured this situation when she said, "People prefer the familiar to the comfortable."
- Trips to Abilene
- We're all so careful to avoid rocking the boat that we end up rowing in a direction nobody wants to go. This is one form of a dynamic called "a trip to Abilene." See "Trips to Abilene," Point Lookout for November 27, 2002.
Noticing that we're avoiding uncomfortable choices can be difficult. Here are some of the phrases we hear when we're limiting our own choices.
- We're forced to
- You leave me no choice
- It's in God's hands now
- They made me do it
- I don't know what else to do; I see no other way
- I had no choice
- I couldn't help it
- It's our only option
- We're out of moves (options)
- We have only one real choice
- We're between a rock and a hard place
- Our hands are tied
- Beggars can't be choosers
- We have to bite the bullet
- There's only one way to do this
- Here's what we have to do
- I'll go along with whatever you decide
- If you say so…you're the expert.
- It doesn't make any difference — we lose either way
- Been there, done that
- We tried that last time
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If you notice this happening, what can you do about it? We'll look at that next time.
Your comments are welcomeWould you like to see your comments posted here? rbrensMUQQuRRNckeHIwFner@ChacdpxTpgJCJZfNkuWuoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.
About Point Lookout
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More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:
- No Surprises
- If you tell people "I want no surprises," prepare for disappointment. For the kind of work
that most of us do, surprises are inevitable. Still, there's some core of useful meaning in "I
want no surprises," and if we think about it carefully, we can get what we really need.
- The Shower Effect: Sudden Insights
- Ever have a brilliant insight, a forehead-slapping moment? You think, "Now I get it!" or "Why
didn't I think of this before?" What causes these moments? How can we make them happen sooner?
- Dealing with Negative Progress
- Many project emergencies are actually the result of setbacks — negative progress. Sometimes these
mishaps are unavoidable, but often they're the result of patterns of organizational culture. How can
we reduce the incidence of setbacks?
- Still More Things I've Learned Along the Way
- When I have an important insight, or when I'm taught a lesson, I write it down. Here's another batch
from my personal collection.
- How to Get Overwhelmed
- Here's a field manual for those who want to get overwhelmed by all the work they have to do. If you're
already overwhelmed, it might explain how things got that way.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming April 24: Big, Complicated Problems
- Big, complicated problems can be difficult to solve. Even contemplating them can be daunting. But we can survive them if we get advice we can trust, know our resources, recall solutions to past problems, find workarounds, or as a last resort, escape. Available here and by RSS on April 24.
- And on May 1: Full Disclosure
- The term "full disclosure" is now a fairly common phrase, especially in news interviews and in film and fiction thrillers involving government employees or attorneys. It also has relevance in the knowledge workplace, and nuances associated with it can affect your credibility. Available here and by RSS on May 1.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenyNAEUyqRXDPOTEaLner@ChacYzaoErHsnGbuzjVyoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.