The waiter appeared. "Need a few more minutes?" When Jeff told him they were ready to order, the waiter turned to Molly. Just then her cell phone rang.

Everyone Check Your Phones - NYC. Photo by LaMenta3 / CC BY-SA.
"Come back to me," she said to the waiter, and then to the phone, "Hello." The waiter continued around the table, and when he returned to Molly, she was still on the phone. She held up her index finger signing, "Just one second."
The waiter knew just what to do. He said to the table, "Let me know when she's ready," and headed off to place the orders. Somehow he must have known that everyone had to be back by One.
Jeff felt a little irritated with Molly — not only had she taken the call, but she had done so at the table.
Taking a call when you're with others is only one example of cellular rudeness. Here are a few more:
- Why do cell phones
turn otherwise courteous
people into oafs?Forgetting to turn off the ringer in a theater, at a concert, in a restaurant or lecture or workshop or meeting. - Interrupting a conversation to look at your caller id to decide whether to interrupt your conversation.
- Talking on the phone in what would otherwise be a quiet place, disturbing the people around you.
- Talking while driving, dividing your attention so severely that you can concentrate on neither the conversation nor your driving.
When we notice these things, many of us become irate, even though we might not express our displeasure directly. Why do cell phones turn otherwise courteous people into oafs?
For some, it's about self-esteem.
- For cell phone offenders
- The cell phone can become a badge of importance. By letting the phone interrupt us (and the people around us) no matter what we're doing, we convince ourselves that the people who call us cannot manage without us.
- Most people can manage without us for a while. With rare exceptions, such as literal life-and-death situations, most calls can wait until we pick up our messages.
- For cell phone offendees
- When someone commits an act of cell phone rudeness, we can feel hurt or anger, and sometimes we express that anger in ways we regret.
- When you notice an attack of cell phone anger, remember that the rudeness you're experiencing is — most likely — beyond the awareness of the offender. If you can, tell the offender how you feel. Leave it to her or him to decide what to do about it.
When call waiting first appeared, we often used it inappropriately. We would interrupt a conversation no matter what, to find out what call was coming in. After a while, we learned better ways, and now many people don't check when their phone beeps that a call is waiting. We're just now learning about cell phones. In time, we'll learn how to handle them, too.
Hang in there. Top
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Related articles
More articles on Emotions at Work:
When You Need a Lift
- When we depend on praise, positive support or consumption to feel good, we're giving other people or
things power over us. Finding within ourselves whatever we need to feel good about ourselves is one
path to autonomy and freedom.
Begging the Question
- Begging the question is a common, usually undetected, rhetorical fallacy. It leads to unsupported conclusions
and painful places we just can't live with. What can we do when it happens?
Can You Hear Me Now?
- Not feeling heard can feel like an attack, even when there was no attack, and then conversation can
quickly turn to war. Here are some tips for hearing your conversation partner and for conveying the
message that you actually did hear.
Peek-a-Boo and Leadership
- Great leaders know what to say, what not to say, and when to say or not say it, sometimes with stunning
effect. Consistently effective leadership requires superior empathy skills. Here are some things to
do to improve your empathy skills.
Favors, Payback, and Thoughtlessness
- Someone at work who isn't particularly a friend or foe has asked you for a favor. What happens if you
say no? Do you grant the favor? How do you decide what to do?
See also Emotions at Work and Emotions at Work for more related articles.
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And on May 21: Mismanaging Project Managers
- Most organizations hold project managers accountable for project performance. But they don't grant those project managers control of needed resources. Nor do they hold project sponsors or other senior managers accountable for the consequences of their actions when they interfere with project work. Here's a catalog of behaviors worth looking at. Available here and by RSS on May 21.
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