At the end of Sean's four-hour stint at the help desk, Mad Melvin called. M2 was always abusive. The problem this time was the new backup software. For anyone but M2, Sean could have kept it together, but M2 never followed directions. M2's style was to click randomly and hope that he would accidentally get the result he wanted, all the while insulting the help desker. Finally Sean lost it: "Call back later from somewhere where Planet Earth is a local call," he said, and hung up. Instantly, Sean knew it was a mistake.
You've probably read about tactics for preventing yourself from becoming angry. However skilled we are at catching ourselves before we become angry, we're still left with the problem of what to do when we do get mad. Here are four steps for dealing with your own anger.The sooner
you become aware
of building anger,
you can intervene
- Learn to notice your anger
- The sooner you become aware of building anger, the sooner you can intervene. You can become more aware of feelings of anger by catching yourself in the act. The next time you're there, inventory what you're feeling — tightness in the chest, clenched teeth or fists, rigidity, shallow breathing. Knowing what anger feels like helps you notice it earlier when you're on your way there.
- Accept anger
- Anger is part of being Human. The only way to be certain that you'll never be angry again is to die, and most of us aren't ready to try that yet. When we believe that being angry is "bad," we complicate things, because our feelings of shame or guilt or even anger about being angry make regaining composure much more difficult. Accepting that you can become angry helps you to accept that you're angry when you are.
- When you're angry, take responsibility for being angry
- You're the owner of your own emotions. Only you have access to the systems in your body that lead you to become angry. You're in complete control of that process. True, someone might have done something you didn't like, but of all the possible responses available, you chose anger. That's something you did, and you can't proceed until you recognize that.
- When you notice your anger, breathe slowly and deeply
- Breathing brings you back from the edge of control, and you can act more creatively. Breathing gives you the oxygen you need to think, and breathing slowly and deliberately gives you a focus other than whatever you used to become angry.
Becoming angry is like falling from a bicycle. No matter how good a cyclist you are, you can always fall. The trick is to fall without hurting yourself or the other cyclists, and to get back on the bike again even though you know that another fall is inevitable. Top Next Issue
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More articles on Emotions at Work:
- Are You Taking on the Full Load?
- Taking on the full load is what we do when we feel fully responsible for either the success or the failure
of some organizational activity. Instead of asking for help, we take extreme measures to execute responsibilities
that might not even be ours.
- Why Dogs Wag Their Tails
- If you've ever known a particular dog at all well, you've probably been amazed at how easy it is to
guess a dog's mood, even though dogs can't speak. Perhaps what's more amazing is that it's so difficult
to guess a person's mood, even though humans can speak.
- Handling Heat: II
- Heated exchanges in meetings can compromise both the organizational mission and the careers of the meeting's
participants. Here are some tactics for people who aren't chairing the meeting.
- Compulsive Talkers at Work: Power
- Compulsive talkers are unlikely to change their behavior in response to your polite (or even impolite)
requests. In this second part of our exploration, we consider the role of power — both personal
- Help for Finding Help
- When we find ourselves at a loss for finding a good path forward, and we feel overwhelmed by events,
support can make things easier. But seeking support is difficult for some. Why is that?
See also Emotions at Work for more related articles.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
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- Eight hours a day — usually more — of meetings, phone calls, reading and writing email and text messages, briefing others or being briefed, is enough to drive anyone around the bend. To re-energize, to clarify one's perspective, and to restore creative capacity, play is essential. Play at work, I mean. Available here and by RSS on August 28.
- And on September 4: How Messages Get Mixed
- Although most authors of mixed messages don't intend to be confusing, message mixing does happen. One of the most fascinating mixing mechanisms occurs in the mind of the recipient of the message. Available here and by RSS on September 4.
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- The Race to the South Pole: Lessons in Leadership
- On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached
the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the
race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical
drama, why this happened is interesting enough. But to organizational leaders, business analysts, project
sponsors, and project managers, the story is fascinating. We'll use the history of this event to explore
lessons in leadership and its application to organizational efforts. A fascinating and refreshing look
at leadership from the vantage point of history. Read
more about this program. Here's a date for this program:
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio
44017: November 7,
Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
- Baldwin-Wallace University, 275 Eastland Road, Berea, Ohio 44017: November 7, Kerzner Lecture Series/International Project Management Day, sponsored by Baldwin Wallace University and the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.
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